Category: Family

Teenagers and the Gospel

On By pastorjonathanIn Family, parenting1 Comment

teenagers and the gospelWelcome to this series on teenagers. The goal of this blog series is to help parents and youth workers to understand the general changes and issues that teenagers are facing. Sometimes a little knowledge can go a long way in helping to develop a proactive game plan for parenting, teaching, and shepherding students.

These are general observations gleaned from over fifteen years experience in youth ministry. Nothing in this series is ground breaking, earth shattering, or even new. Hopefully these basic observations will give you the insight, perspective, and perhaps empathy for the teens in your life. Of course the ultimate goal is to learn how to best take the gospel and apply it to the teenagers in our lives. This series is mostly to help you understand the world of being a teenager. To this end I hope the entire series proves helpful

We’ll be taking everything in bite size chunks. So buckle up and hold on to something, we are about to reenter the teenage world armed with the gospel.

Teenagers are Changing (Literally!)

Teenagers are emerging adults. This isn’t an overnight process. They are in a constant state of transition from childish dependence on others to adult like independence. One moment they may surprise you with their ability to give selflessly to others, the next moment they can throw an emotional tantrum and break down because mom asked them to take out the trash. They really do have a foot in both worlds. It is fair to expect your teen to be more responsible, but don’t assume it will happen without a few setbacks along the way. 

When a set back occurs, take it in stride, gently help refocus your child’s attention on becoming responsible. Be sure to take time to praise the positive strides you see your child making. Genuine praise and encouragement for being responsible will motivate your child to become even more responsible. If we’re not careful we can fall into a pattern of discouragement by only noticing the set backs and it’s easy to deflate your child’s motivation toward responsibility.

Teenage bodies are also growing and developing into adult bodies. Your teenager will most likely hit growth spurts. Not only will they get taller, but thanks to puberty their bodies will take on a more manly or womanly shape. It is important to keep in mind that mature physical appearance doesn’t mean that your teenager is grown up mentally as well. Many teenagers are children in grown up bodies. Just because they look grown up, doesn’t mean that they are.

Your child may be taller than you, but they still take their cues from you on how to handle the various situations life throws their way. They may not be asking for advice because they feel a pressure to figure things out on their own. A wise parent will make the extra effort to be available for their child to talk. Sometimes talking works best in a shoulder-to-shoulder situation or in the midst of an activity rather than an intense face to face sit down. As a parent it might be wise to schedule a regular time with your child each week to participate in an activity you both enjoy. My dad was always great about taking my brother and I to play tennis, fishing, look for fossils or arrowheads, and a host of other activities we enjoyed. Later in life these times fueled great shoulder to shoulder conversations on the ride home that helped both my brother and I process life.

Each of these posts will end with a Challenge. This is a way to take the post beyond just information and allow the information to impact the way you interact with the teenagers in your life. Obviously the applications will be different according to your relationship with teenagers. Much of this is geared towards parents but will have some application with youth workers as well.

Challenge: Write down the name of the teens you have in your life (if you have a bunch then you might want to spread this over a few days). Take time to pray for them. Thank God that he has placed them in your life and ask Him to help you be sensitive to their needs as they mature. Ask God to give you wisdom in your relationship with them.

  • Write down all the ways that you see your teen becoming more responsible. Think of appropriate ways to encourage your teen when you see them following through on this type of behavior
  • Now Write down areas of responsibility that you they still need to work through. Current frustrations, etc. Pray over these issues and have a game plan in place to encourage the snot out of your kid when they step up to the task.
  • Think of ways to challenge your child to be more responsible.
  • Pray that God would protect your child from people who would want to take advantage of them.

If you don’t already have a regularly scheduled time to hang out with your child start working on a plan to get some shoulder to shoulder time in on an activity. Think of something that will be fun for the both of you and work at it until you find something that sticks. You’ll be surprised at how much this regular interaction will open the doors for authentic communication down the road.

In the coming days and weeks we’ll be looking at teenage grumpiness, technology, identity, forgetfulness, and more!

Before you Adopt… Know Orphans (A Review)

On By pastorjonathanIn books, FamilyLeave a comment

know orphans KnowOrphans: Mobilizing the Church for Global Orphanologyis a follow up book to Orphanology: Awakening to Gospel-Centered Adoption and Orphan Care. Dr. Rick Morton seeks to continue to blaze a trial forward when it comes to mobilizing the church to global orphan care. In this book he addresses recent criticisms the movement has experienced and clarifies action steps that individuals and churches can take to become involved in the orphan movement. He also shares background from his own personal experience as well as advice for those who are working through an international adoption.

Know Orphans contains plenty of practical strategies of how to engage in the mission of the gospel as it concerns orphans. The scope goes well beyond adoption as Dr. Morton encourages the church and individuals to stand in the gap for various kinds of orphans. He does an excellent job of painting the picture that “not all orphans are equal” and “that each situation is unique” while at the same time providing tools and resources for the reader to become engaged.

On a personal note. I’ve had the honor of meeting Dr. Morton. He was one of my Professors for a Graduate Level Youth Ministry Seminar. While I didn’t have the opportunity to hear him speak about adoption I did have the opportunity to get a sense of him through his personal interaction with the students both in and out of class (it was a small class). His genuine concern for the Kingdom made a significant mark on me. I’m thankful for that class and I’m thankful for this book.

This is a must read for anyone interested in international adoption and a great read for anyone interested in understanding the Orphanology movement. Amazon’s got a great price on the Kindle Edition and the Paperback right now. If you haven’t already make sure you check out Orphanology.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Litfuse as part of their Blog Tour. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

7 Keys to A Better Sunday Morning Family Worship Experience

On By pastorjonathanIn Family, parenting, spiritual disciplinesLeave a comment

So, we’ve all been there. That long and awkward drive to church where you have been fighting with the kids all morning, feeling rushed. Because of the rushed feeling tensions are high between you and your spouse. Your kid asks a simple and innocent enough question and you lash out something like, “Just Be Quiet! We are on our way to church!

Perhaps you feel like a hypocrite as soon as you say it, or maybe you just chalk it up to Satan trying to foil your Sunday morning experience. Either way you feel guilty. But as soon as you pull in the parking lot you feel compelled to put on a smile and pretend everything is all right. Now you really do feel like a hypocrite. They are singing “Enter the Gates with Thanksgiving in your Heart” but right now you feel resentment toward your spouse, toward your kids, and perhaps you even project your own insecurities on some of the cheery looking people around you as you call them a hypocrite under your breath.

But let’s rewind the scenario and see what might have caused this terrible start to a Sunday Morning Worship experience. The night before you stayed up later than usual to catch up on SNL. You hit the snooze buttons a few times to catch up on sleep and before you know it you are running late. All of the sudden realize that you washed everything but what you were hoping to wear today (or it’s still at the cleaners), so you scramble to put some other outfit together. The kids are up and asking about something to eat, you are trying to iron a shirt that you think might be a tad too small and your spouse just hopped in the shower which means you will have to wait for them before you can hop in.

But is there a better way? I propose there is. What if we prepared for Sunday on Saturday?  Here are a few tips for preparing Saturday night for a good experience on Sunday.

  • Give the kids a bath the night before.
  • Go to bed early or at least on time.
  • Lay out your clothes for the next day (as well as for the kids).
  • Discuss a shower schedule with your spouse.
  • Have a brief time of prayer with your family asking God to make the next Sunday Special, Pray for your pastor, worship leader, life group leaders, etc.
  • Plan a light breakfast with protein in it.
  • Set your alarm and plan to wake up on time

Soon you will find that not everyone at church with a cheery face is faking it. A good Sunday morning experience begins with a little Saturday night preparation. What other tips can you offer to help make for a good Sunday morning experience?

10 Reasons Why I Taught My Children to Pray Lord’s Prayer

On By pastorjonathanIn Family, parentingLeave a comment

At the writing of this post my kids are 4 and 8. Both have learned the Lord’s prayer and have been quoting it each night from memory for quite some time now. The Lord’s Prayer, or as it is also called, the Model Prayer can be found in Matthew 6:9-13 where Jesus teaches his follower how  to pray. Here are 10 reasons why I found it important for my kids memorize this (each one memorized it around age 3 before they could read).

10. So when some genius says, “the sinner’s prayer isn’t in even in the scripture” they can just start quoting scripture… “Thy Kingdom come… Forgive us our sins” (Maybe I’ll teach them Psalm 51 as well).

9. I don’t think they will come up with anything cooler on their own since this is the way that Jesus taught the disciples how to pray.

8. To improve and expand upon their capacity to memorize information.

7. To help hide scripture in their heart that is obviously both immediately relevant and applicable.

6. To provide a reference point for teachable moments… “It’s like we say in the Lord’s prayer…”

5. To give them confidence in prayer.

4.So they learn forgiveness through remembering what it is like to be forgiven.

3. So the will learn to be Kingdom focused rather than self-centered in their prayers

2. The Lord’s Prayer is a map straight to the heart and character of God.

1. So That They might Know God. (both at times have prayed on their own small childlike prayers of faith for the forgiveness of their sins and to follow God based on the Lord’s prayer).

The Secrets of Happy Families

On By pastorjonathanIn books, Family1 Comment

SecretsThe Secrets of Happy Families: Improve Your Mornings, Tell Your Family History, Fight Smarter, Go Out and Play, and Much More by Bruce Feiler is an easy to read, engaging, and timely book all about families. Bruce’s secrets come from the most unlikely sources. He interviews with a myriad of people from all sorts of backgrounds who apply everything from game theory to business strategy to everyday family life.

The book is set up in an organized fashion. The author sets up the dilemma (traveling with kids), zero’s in on a family who has a unique approach, highlights the source of that approach and then uses his own family as a field test and provides some honest results. The book has a very pragmatic feel and offers several great tips, tricks and tidbits.

I doubt anyone walks away putting this whole book into practice, but I do admit we’ve tried a few of the tricks along the way here at the Hill house with varying results. If you’re looking for an easy and fun non-fiction read with a few tips and tidbits on family life this book is for you. It won’t change your life or your family but it may provide a few great resources to get more out of the areas that you may be missing.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Litfuse as part of their Blog Tour. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

 

 

Coveting vs Contentment

On By pastorjonathanIn Devotional, FamilyLeave a comment

I taught my daughter the Ten Commandments… She can say them all from memory. Then came the task of defining some of the words for her (she is only six at the time of the original posting of this article). She needed a definition that she could understand for the word “covet.” We did our best and came up with “not being content with what you have, so you try and satisfy your heart with thoughts of possessions that don’t belong to you… This causes you to look for happiness in things instead of God,” for coveting.

It has been interesting to see her process and try to grasp the term coveting. She uses the word coveting, but we try and highlight the positive aspect of being content. The real struggle, as with everything in parenting, is that we are imperfect parents.

Teaching my daughter about coveting has taught me more about my own heart. It seems impractical to chide my child about being content with what she has (and she has a lot), if I am buying up every new gadget out there (I’ve resisted the I-pad ever since it came out). Not that buying stuff is wrong… Coveting has nothing to do with what you buy and has everything to do with your heart. You really don’t have to buy stuff to covet. You can be poor as poor can be and in your heart think that if you just had enough money, stuff, etc. you would be satisfied. If you believe that, then your heart is turning away from God. It’s irrelevant whether or not you make the actual purchase if you look to a product, possession, job, etc. to provide you with happiness. True and lasting happiness comes with a real relationship with God through the Lord Jesus Christ. Remembering his sacrifice and his joy has helped me understand and be more content with what I have and ultimately who I am in Him. Like the Apostle Paul, I have learned to be content (though this is a battle I often fight every day and have to relearn often).

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:11-13 ESV)

This is my prayer for my kids. I know that if they grow up content in whatever situation they find themselves that they will be well rounded happy adults who are more likely to be submitted to the will of God. I wouldn’t want the desire for a bigger house keep them from the mission field (should God call). I wouldn’t want the pursuit of comfort keep them from living for the Eternal.

It’s easy to get distracted, to feel entitled, or to just plain place your hope in an object or status. It’s not that I don’t want my kids to have stuff. All good parents love giving their kids gifts. I just don’t want them looking past the gift to the next big thing and forget the one who gave them all the gifts.

To be honest it’s too easy to look past the Lord’s provision sometimes. If we are not careful we will think our situation in life is less than is should be because we don’t have an appliance, gadget, etc. Yet these things are not eternal; they do not satisfy. We were made for greater things and when we find ourselves content in little or much we are in a place to be used by God who meets all of our needs in Jesus.

A Reflection on Being Your Pastor and Friend

On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, Family, Ministry, student ministry3 Comments

Today I am reflecting on the years I have spent in ministry and counting it a blessing to be considered a friend to so many. I’m celebrating four years serving in my current ministry context and nearly fifteen years in ministry all together (counting the near eleven years I spent with my first church). Recently I was listening to a Tim Keller Podcast in which he made a statement that pastors have a unique privilege and responsibility to be a friend to those to whom they minister and as such they often make friends with people who given ordinary circumstances they would never be friends with…

I find this to be true in my own life. I have the awesome opportunity to walk with people of all walks of life through some of life’s most painful and sacred moments.

There have been moments when we were all scared or saddened by life’s events. I have been in the room when we got the news of cancer. I’ve done my share of funerals and hugged the necks and held the hands of the grieving. More than enough times I’ve been called up late to the hospital when their has been an accident.  Too often I’ve held a broken infants in my hands. I’ve seen the tragedies of life and walked with families through the worst parts. I have been one of the few who were ever welcomed into the world of the hurting and I have found that you don’t walk through the valley without developing some kind of kinship.

There have also been moments of joy beyond expression. I’ve held hands and plunged you beneath the water and pulled you back to the surface in baptism based upon your confession of Christ. I’ve been in the room when they said the cancer is in remission. I’ve held healthy newborns and helped sneak an air-horn into graduation ceremonies. I generally get the best seat in the house when it comes to weddings and among other things I get to say, “you may now kiss the bride.”  I’ve shared in some of the happiest moments that life has to offer and found that you don’t reach the summit of the mountain without developing a friendship along the way.

Beyond sharing these moments with you I have prayed with you and for you. I have poured myself out and asked God to allow me to pour some more. To this end I spent years of my life studying His word so that I might be a competent expositor, leader, administrator, communicator, teacher, counselor and ultimately a better friend. I have begged God that I would clearly speak the truth even when you might not count me as a friend because of it. Because my greatest desire for you is to present you complete to Christ.

I’d be a fool to think that friendship is a one-way street. Through the years as you have made me a part of your family and welcomed me into your homes. I have been blessed beyond measure by your friendship. I have learned valuable lessons.  I have eaten vegetables from your garden, dear meat from your freezer and mullet from your cast net. Along the way I confided some of my own fears and insecurities. You have loved me, been to my wedding, held my children, and hugged me and celebrated my birthdays (though sometimes I would like it to pass in obscurity) and anniversaries.  Thank you for being a faithful friend to me and counting this pastor as your friend.

THE SERVANT KING (from the Jesus StoryBook Bible).

On By pastorjonathanIn discipleship, Family, History, Holiday, parentingLeave a comment

We love reading this Storybook Bible to the kids. Here is another animated story from The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd Jones.

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

 

October Baby: Coming to a Theater Near You!

On By pastorjonathanIn Family, Video1 Comment

So I had the chance to check out a new movie the other night with my wife. We went to go see the movie October Baby (due in Theaters on March 23rd). We were initially worried that we were in for a long night of b-rated christian acting but were pleasantly surprised by the quality of the production.

The theme of the movie centers on a young woman named Hannah, who finds out through a medical condition that her parents are not her birth parents and she suffers from her condition as a result of a failed abortion. That is to say that her birth mother attempted to get an abortion, but ended up delivering a live baby instead. Hannah then sets out on a journey to figure out who she is, where she came from, and who her real mother is.

I was impressed with the authenticity with which the abortion issue was discussed. The themes of grace and forgiveness continued to resurface.  I appreciate the fresh perspective on an otherwise tension filled issue. My wife and I will be back opening weekend to take it all in again. Check out some of the video’s below and the website to get more information and see if it’s worth your time.

 

Children are Like Arrows: A Fresh Look At Psalm 127

On By pastorjonathanIn discipleship, Family, parenting1 Comment

Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. (Psalm 127, ESV)

I guess I hear lots about this passage in regards to having a “quiver full of kids” and “kids are a blessing.” I’ve heard all kinds of explanations about how many arrows would be in a Hebrew quiver at the time that this was written.  I’ve heard glad parents tell me that their hoping to “fill their quiver” and others express over the loud noise of a toddler that “children are a blessing.”

I see value having lots of kids and most certainly agree that children are a blessing, even on their worst day (and toddlers have some pretty bad days).  However, I think there is a bit more to this passage than that.  I think there are some riches not mined here when we gloss over this Psalm so glibly.  Take a minute and dwell on this text with me.

Arrows are offensive weapons. You don’t use them to defend yourself as much as you do to make a dent in the enemy. Swords can be defensive. Shields are defensive.  Spears perhaps even defensive.  Arrows are purely for offense.  You let them go.  While kids are a reflection of their parents, they are also their own individuals.  Sometimes as parents we can try to use our children to protect our own egos, relive a second childhood, or even provide all the things we missed out on.  The fact is that just like an arrow leaves the grasp of an archer, your children were meant to leave your grasp too.

Those parents who are oppressive with their own sense of pride expressed either in the need for perfection or the need to be needed risk warping their children.  Start with the end in mind. Just like archers shape branches to make their arrows because they know what an arrow needs to fly, so parents are to be intentional in shaping their kids to live beyond their home.  The arrows in the quiver of Psalm 127 aren’t meant to be kept in the quiver.  They were intended to be a deadly show of force and accuracy against the enemy.

I guess what I’m really trying to say is that your children won’t remain at home forever.  Arrows aren’t intended to fill quivers.  They have a greater purpose.  Because Archers know this.  They shape their arrows with their ultimate purpose in mind (to be aimed and released).

Question: How are you raising your children for the years they will live outside your home?

More thoughts on Psalm 127 to follow this week.