Tag: parents

What a Father says to His Daughter on Valentines Day

On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, dating, Family, Manhood, parenting, Womanhood1 Comment

I have a pretty amazing little girl.  She turns five soon.  I am anxious, yet hopeful as she grows older and approaches womanhood.  I have a huge responsibility in demonstrating the way real men are to treat women.

valentines day

I take her out for pancakes once a week.  She looks forward to it every week.  Sometimes she goes to sporting events with me, just the two of us.  We call these daddy-daughter dates. Every day she asks if its her day to have breakfast with daddy.  She loves me in a crazy four-year-old way and I love her like any father should.

So here is what I’m saying to my little girl this valentines day and will probably say almost every day of her life.

1. I love you.

Love is not an emotion, it is an act of the will.  I chose to love you and I will never stop.  I love you enough to tell you the truth, to act against your will sometimes, and to do what is best for you even when you disagree.  I love you when you cry over broken toys, scraped knees, and hurt feelings.  I love you when the world is pressing in and you need a place of refuge and strength.  I love you when you have disobeyed the rules I gave you that were to protect you from harm.  I love you when you dance and sing like they do on TV.  I love you when you dress up like a princes and we dance.   I even love you when you are mad because you didn’t get your way, when you are angry with the kid who stole your toy, and when you don’t want to share. I hope you know by now that I love you and that will not change.

2. You are Beautiful

You are beautiful.  You are beautiful not only in princess gowns, play make-up, and jewelry… your  beauty is beyond skin deep.  I am inspired by your beauty when you are kind to your brother.  Your beauty shines when you help your mom.  Your beauty is evident when you bring your bibles in for me to read.  You are beautiful when you challenge me to dance.  You are beautiful.

3. I am Proud of You

I am Proud of you for so many things.  I am proud of you for letting people know when they have hugged you for too long.  I am proud of you when you take the initiative to help others in need.  I am proud of you when you think of me or someone else and you draw them a thank you card.  I am proud of you for picking up your toys with a good attitude.  I am proud of you for wanting to teach your brother what few lessons you have already learned in life.  I am proud of you when you trust me simply because I’m your dad.  I am proud of you when you ask questions (and you ask great questions).  I am proud of you.

To Dads:

We are often good about telling our daughters about when they misbehave or things they could do better.  Somehow it is easier to notice what we don’t like or don’t value than it is to affirm the good that our children do.  It is important that we cheer them on and provide a positive aim as well. Valentines day (or any day for that matter) is a great opportunity to let your daughter know that you love her and affirm the good things you see in her character.  These 3 words of affirmation are something that all daughters need to hear from their daddy no matter what their age.

“Sammy and His Shepherd” (A Children’s Book Review)

On By pastorjonathanIn books, Fiction1 Comment

Sammy and His Shepherd written by Susan Hunt and Illustrated by Corey Godbey is one of the best children’s books I have read in a long time (though its great for adults too) .  It is an illustrated look at Psalm 23 through the eyes of a little lamb named Sammy.  Sammy gets to know another nameless sheep on the other side of the fence and share about his Good Shepherd.

The book is divided into several short and teachable sections.  Ending with a reference to the “Talk about it” section in the back of the book where parents can ask engaging questions about the story.  The “Talk about it” reverences and section are the best integration of story and spiritual application I have seen in a children’s book.  Especially relevant is the “something to do” portion of each “talk about it” section where children are challenged think about their own actions and ask God to work in their lives to help them better reflect His Character.

This was a great book and I would highly recommend it for parents and children alike.  The book can easily be read over several nights.  Though I imagine the book is geared for kids a little older, I read it to my 4-year-old daughter in one sitting (we will of course go back through it time and again at a slower pace).Sammy and His Shepherd is an excellent resource. The retail price is $17.00 (Hardcover), and is available at places like Amazon.com for $11.56. I gave it five stars.

Disclaimer: A PDF of this book was provided for review by Reformation Trust Publishing. They will send me a complimentary copy after they see my reviews.  There was no requirement to give it a positive review, just for me to call it like I see it.

Review: “Smart Faith” by J.P. Moreland & Mark Matlock

On By pastorjonathanIn booksLeave a comment

Smart Faith: Loving God With All Your Mind by J.P. Moreland and Mark Matlock is a great book geared towards students.  I really wish the book had been around when I was a teenager.  The aim of the book is to challenge young men and women to think about the Christian Faith and not just live off their parents faith or emotion.  The book is full of keen insights and practical challenges to help teens grow deeper in their capacity to think about the things of God.

The book is a great blend of Philosophy, Theology, and application.  The later chapters in the book are especially relevent as the authors move the reader from the realm of deliberate thought to the realm of living a fully integrated life.  This book is a great read for any teenager with a desire to grow or for adults with teenagers in their life.  I just wish it had been around when I was fifteen.

This is a very well written book that challenges the reader to dig deeper every step of the way. The retail price is $12.99 (Paperback). It is also available at places like Amazon.com for $10.39. I give it 5 stars.

Disclaimer: This book was provided for review by NavPress. There was no requirement to give it a positive review, just for me to call it like I see it.

Avatar: 3 Things I’d Tell My Teenage Son After Watching Avatar

On By pastorjonathanIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Ok before I start its only fair to say that my son isn’t a teenager (he’s almost 2 months old) and I’m really not a fan of Avatar.  But because I had the opportunity to see the movie and I work with teenagers (and I can imagine my son being a teenager one day), I went to the movies with the eyes of a father.  I posted something similar earlier in a post entitled, 3 things I’d tell my Teenage Daughter After Watching New Moon.

Here are three things I’d tell my son after we watched Avatar together…

1. Amazing Story (telling)  Does Not Equal Truth

The movie Avatar was one of the most amazing special effects movies I have ever seen (Especially seeing it in 3D).  Not only was the cinematography convincing, but the story line drew the viewer into the movie.  There were actually people clapping and cheering around us at different parts.  It was amazing, but it wasn’t true.

I know, I know your saying, “Duh! Dad, That’s the point.” But I want you to hear me out on this one.  We can see things projected on a screen that amaze us.  We can allow our imaginations to be invited along on a journey such as this, but we have to understand that this is fantasy.   Fantasy can’t inform our logic.  Remember, I told you a story about a kid who said he believed that all the miracles of the Bible could be explained by aliens.  His interest in science fiction had lead him so far as to believe it more rational for aliens to manipulate us than to believe that God could work in His own creation.

You are an intelligent young man.  I am proud of your ability to reason.  As I have told you countless times before the faith I hold is my own.  I have taught you truth about God, but you must use your own mind to engage the truth about God and come to your own place of faith in Him.  It is not enough to blindly follow me on the path I tread.  You must seek wisdom for yourself.  Your eyes must be open.

2. We Don’t Have to Look to the Movies to See Injustice

You have grown so much from the little infant that once peed on me.  I can see you becoming a man more and more each day.  You are taking on responsability and helping others.

Do you remember how people were cheering in the movie during the battles scenes?  The director did a great job of creating a sense of injustice.  Did you see the look on the alien faces when their home was being destroyed?  There was so much sorrow and so much anguish.  But that was just a movie.  In parts of our world today, even in our city, there is injustice.  People are being taken advantage of and hurt many times just because of their ethnicity or their beliefs.

It is our responsibility to challenge injustice when we see it.  Ultimately all injustice will find its day in the court of our high King who will call for a reckoning of the living and the dead.  Every evil dead or act of wickedness will be exposed and called into account.  Hell is not a doctrine contrived so that people would conform to faith.  Hell is the reality and logical end God’s justice.  It is also what makes his love and mercy poured out in Christ so amazing.

That is why we seek to go out of our way to tell others about God.  Not only because He is just, but because He is loving.  All of us have sinned against others and been sinned against.  We all need justice and forgiveness that can only be found in Jesus.

3. Living Vicariously Doesn’t Equal Real Living

I am proud of you for the work ethic that you have developed.  I know at times that it was difficult when your mother and I limited the screen time that you absorbed.  The truth is that football games, movies (like avatar) and video games are all entertaining, but there is so much more to life than entertainment.

There is a whole sense in this movie where Jake becomes the Avatar.  At first its like a video game, but then the lines between his world and the rest of Pandora blend.  This may fit well for a movie plot, but it does not bode well for real life.  As you grow older and take on the responsabilities of being a man you will have to choose for yourself how you spend your time.  My desire is that you would choose to engage in this life fully.

I knew guys who flunked out of college because they stayed up late playing video games.  In the end the video games and TV won’t last.  The exercise we get from watching SEC football games doesn’t count for us like it does for they guys who are in the game.  My prayer for you is that when it comes to how you will live your life and the decisions you make, that you are fully engaged.

While there is more that could be said and discussed about the movie.  I thought these three points were worth talking about briefly.

    • 3 Things I Learned From My Mentor

    On By pastorjonathanIn Uncategorized2 Comments

    Early on in my ministry I had the privilege of being mentored.  It all started when I told my old youth pastor that I was going to college to become a student pastor.  He told me to find someone doing student ministry that I could sit in with and learn the ropes.  I quickly found an old friend who had been a counselor at camp and started helping him do student ministry.  At the time I didn’t realize that I was being mentored.  I would stop in his office for about 4 hours each Monday afternoon and talk to him (like he didn’t have anything better to do).  He graciously poured into me and helped me grow in my walk with God and as a pastor.  Here are 3 things I learned from having a mentor and I hope to pass on to those I mentor…

    1. The Importance of Shepherding and Not Just Planning Events.

    Lots of times young student pastors will fall in the rut of planning events with no real end game in sight.  It’s easy to plan what is cool or what will get kids motivated, but difficult to sit through strategy and scrap cool ideas for ones that will help you bring kids closer to God.  I was given pretty free rein, but the questions that came out of those mentoring sessions really helped me gain a shepherding perspective early.

    2. To Remember that  Parents are Still the Number One Influence in a Students Life

    I had several great ideas that would have made most parents sweat.  Lots of young student pastors make mistakes with parents early on.  They either take the kids off and forget to tell parents, talk bad about parents, or simply forget to include parents in the information process.  Parents are a vital part of genuine students ministry.  At the end of the day the students in my ministry aren’t coming home to my house for a Thanksgiving feast, they are coming their home.  Parents for good or for bad are primary disciplers in a students life.

    3. Doctrine is Important

    I was 18 when I started as a student pastor and while my doctrine was sounder than most 18 year-olds I knew, it wasn’t always completely sound.  It was important to have a mentor who could easily spot holes in my teaching method or in my thoughts about God.  I was often confronted gently with scripture and reminded that true thoughts about God have their origin in the Scriptures.

    Theology is Important for a Relationship With God

    On By pastorjonathanIn Devotional, spiritual disciplinesLeave a comment

    Theology.  A brief defanition is, “The Study of God.”  A simple explanation is that theology answers the question, “What is God like?”

    The key to any relationship is knowing something about the other person.  Fathers try to spend time with their children. Spouses try to find time away from the children. Young couples go on a series of dates before they settle into a marriage.

    Usually at the beginning of a relationship we tell ourselves all kind of lies about what the other one is like.  To put it milder, you may say we have differing expectations.  We paint a picture of what the other one is like, but we don’t really know what they are like until we get to know them.    Sometimes our expectations are exceeded by the character of another, sometimes we are let down.  That is why we need to spend time getting to know people.

    New dad’s dream about what their kids will be.  However, they soon realize that children have a will of their own.  It is the same way with the young couple that have fallen deeply in love.  They don’t really know anything about each other, but they “love” each other.  Then months or years down the road they realize the real nature of the other person (for good or for bad) and accept that for months they were in “love” with their version of this person and now they must decide if they truly do “love” this other person. That’s why it is a good idea to take the whole courting thing a little slow and know what you are getting into. (You can check out how I dated my wife and married the most wonderful woman in the world… here).

    The point is that at the beginning of relationships we fill in missing information about the other person with what we want to put there.  I think many people have false ideas about God simply because they don’t know Him and have filled in false information about Him.  Many of us have created a picture of God based upon what we want Him to be rather than what He is really like.

    Some of us picture God like a Santa Claus type figure.  Others have pictured him as an angry judge.  To be honest, some people don’t think He exists at all.  Still others think of him as a passive grandfather who lets everything go.

    The challenge is to really know God.  To put all of our preconceived notions on the table and read what God has revealed about Himself in the Bible.  Feeling are a good thing, but I’ve been mislead by feelings.  Isn’t it better to know God?  That happens by learning about Him.  The way you learn about God is by spending time reading the Bible and talking to him.

    Theology is answering the question, “What is God like?”  Do your answers come from the Bible, where God had revealed things about Himself or do they come from how you picture Him in your mind based mostly off your feelings?

    What tools have helped you dig into the Bible and learn more about who God really is?  Here are a few that have helped me along the way.

    3 Annoying Things I’m Glad My Parents Did When I Was a Teenager.

    On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, Family, parenting1 Comment

    So its been a while since I’ve been a teenager.  I was a teenager in the boring decade of the 90’s.  Long before Text Messaging, Facebook, YouTube, Ipods and  really cool video games (I grew up with Mario brothers and Contra on the original Nintendo) .  While lots of things have changed around the teenage world since then, there are somethings that just won’t change.  One of those things is how important it is for parents to be involved in the lives of their teenagers.

    Here is a look back at 3 things that were really annoying to me as a teenager that I now look back and am thankful for.  I guess at the time my parents were more concerned with being a good mom and dad, than in winning my one vote popularity contest.  I thought they were clueless… It turns out they had way more common sense than I thought.

    1. They Insisted on Regular Weekly Family Time.

    As a teenager I often had “more important” places to be or things to do.  It usually involved hanging out with my friends or talking on the phone to the girl I really liked (again, this was before texting and facebook).  My parents didn’t mind these activities, but they set some pretty stiff boundaries around our family time that often conflicted with my desires.  I can still remember to this day my dad telling me I had 5 minutes to get off the phone or I had to be back by 7 because of family time.  Our family time most often existed of sharing prayer concerns, reading scripture, and praying… At the time I thought it was boring.  I now look back at this time as the center (the one place we could all come back to) that kept our family together during some rough times.

    2. They Set a Reasonable Hour for Curfew.

    My parents would ask about what I was up to.  At the time I just thought they were being a little overbearing and didn’t really have a life of their own so they had to make mine difficult.   I now realize they just really cared and wanted to make sure I wasn’t doing something stupid. I would tell them about the activity… A movie, ball game, etc. and they would tell me a reasonable time to be home.  Sometimes my curfew was midnight, sometimes it was 7PM.  It mattered to them where I was and what I was doing.  I could call and renegotiate if plans changed and you got invited to someones house or wanted to stop by McDonalds with your friends  (back then you had to use a pay phone or someone’s home phone).

    I remember one night I stayed out hours after curfew because I was explaining to a friend about how to become a Christian.  I thought for sure my dad would be overjoyed and understand the “rule breaking.”  But when I got home.  He was awake and waiting on me.  I shared with him what happened and he was genuinely happy.  Then he told me I was grounded because I could have called.  At the time I thought he was a jerk.  Now I realize that he expected me to be responsible.  He expected more out of me than I was expecting out of myself.

    3. They Stated the Obvious.

    When I was 18 years old and about to head off for college I made my parents sweat by dating a girl that already had a daughter.  My mom sat me down and shared the obvious.  Jon, “She has a kid.” (I told her that was a little obvious).  Then she said, “God may call you to marry someone who already has children one day, but do you really think you are ready to be a father?”  She was looking beyond my interest to the interest of the young woman and said, “She is no longer looking out for just herself.  She is looking for someone to be a father to her daughter and fill a role her life.  You were just telling me about going to college in another state.  You are going down two different paths.  You won’t be able to go to college and stay connected with this family.  You don’t need to lead her on.”

    I guess I knew all that, but it took my mom stating the obvious as she had done so many times before.  And it wasn’t just over making bad decisions like investing 2 weeks of my life in a relationship that wasn’t meant to be.  I remember my parents telling me I did the right thing and affirming me over and over through my teen years.  Their stating of the obvious facts in an authentically loving way made all the difference in the world.  Sometimes I didn’t want to hear what they had to say, but part of me knew they were wiser than I gave them credit for.

    I am thankful to God for good parents who stood on some unpopular issues when I was a teenager.  My response wasn’t always joyful, but I knew deep down that my parents cared about me.  I look back now at the boundaries that my parents set up around me.  I pressed against them quite a few times, but mostly to know that they were there.  During the times when life was chaotic and stressful in our family the boundaries were one way that I knew I was loved.

    Resolutions for a New Year

    On By pastorjonathanIn About JonathanLeave a comment

    I have 3 main resolutions for this next year.  I actually have a LIFE plan with a lot more detail, but that’s for another blog post.  After having a brief conversation today with a stranger who is dreaming about one thing and doing another I decided that I should set in stone some serious goals for the next year.  Here are mine… What are yours?

    1. Relate better as Husband and Father

    Not that I think I’m doing a terrible job, but I’ve seen too many husbands and fathers drift from their duties over time.  It is really easy to imagine a loving relationship with my wife 5, 10, and 20 years from now, but the truth is that dreams don’t always create reality.  Having a good relationship with my wife and children will take time, intention, and discipline.  I have a strategy in my Life Plan, but its a little personal to share here.

    2. Get into God’s word more (both personally and as a family)

    Our pastor keeps a blog and comments on a chapter of scripture each day.  I usually keep up with that and read a few other passages each day.  I am also looking at creative ways to be in God’s word more as a family.  My wife and I used to read a chapter of scripture each day together.  When our daughter came along it was a little more difficult to keep her involved and so we shortened it to a few versus during family devotion time.  Now that she is almost 4 we are going to pick up something similar using a new tool for devotions.  My daughter is also old enough to start each day spending some time in God’s word.  Though she isn’t able to read yet I was thinking of moving her nightly Bible reading with me to the morning time (we have been working our way through a picture bible of the New Testament).

    3. Live Healthier

    This involves changing eating habits and making physical exercise a priority.  It also involves creating a better schedule and sticking too it.  I’ve learned that with planning and intention I can do more in my life with the time I have (this also involves planning for interruption).  We’ll see how it goes.  In my LIFE plan I check up weekly to see how I am living.  I’ll share more about that later… but how about you?  What resolutions do you have for this next year?

    3 Christmas Meditations on Being a Parent (Part 3)

    On By pastorjonathanIn Devotional, Family, parentingLeave a comment

    3. Mary and Joseph knew that their son would be hated and rejected (Matthew 2:1-18).

    Among other things the passage referenced above mentions the wholesale slaughter of all the children born in Bethlehem under the age of 2.  In the wake of this magnificent birth, angels singing on a hillside, and  a visit from the magi comes a horrific massacre.  It is only through a dream that Joseph knows to flee with his family and misses the impending destruction.

    I am sure that the reality of caring for a wanted child set in as they traveled to Egypt.  Everyday they awaited the news that Herod had died and it would be safe to return to their beloved homeland.  Even when that news came, they made their way to Galilee to avoid Herod’s vicious son.

    Now there may not be a king or president intent on killing my children, but I have no doubt that there are sinister forces in this world that would seek to destroy the lives of my children.  The forces of darkness were not silent at the birth of Christ and they are not silent today.  There are too many who die needlessly.  There are too many who are abused or injured.  In my line of work we used to see and counsel the statistic that one out of four girls are raped or molested by the time they are the age 18.  Sadly that number has increased to one out of three.

    All around the world children are starving while we gorge ourselves on Thanksgiving and Christmas feasts.  Darkness covers our globe and we pretend in merriment that our houses provide protection.  We pretend that we even have the power to protect our kids. 

    What if we saw the darkness and instead of running from it, we asked God to send us into the midst of it?  What if we were willing to get our hands dirty and aim our children strategically into the darkness so that by the time our grandchildren arrive, the world is a little less dark and the brilliant light of Christ can be seen more clearly.

    The truth is that Jesus came into the world to destroy the darkness.  That same darkness destroyed the lives of many children in the town of Bethlehem.  But it could not keep them.  He would one day go to the cross and bear our sins, die a horrible death, and be resurrected 3 days later.  He promised to return.  His resurrection gives us hope that we will one day be raised too.  The darkness can not win.

    3 Things I’d Tell My Teenage Daughter After Watching New Moon

    On By pastorjonathanIn dating, Family, parenting, Womanhood12 Comments

    Ok before I start its only fair to say that my daughter isn’t a teenager (she’s almost 4) and I’m really not a fan of Twilight.  But because I was forced to see the movie and I work with teenagers (and I can imagine my daughter being a teenager one day), I went to the movies with the eyes of a father.

    Here are three things I’d tell my daughter after we watched New Moon together…

    1. You are intensely loved by me and worthy of being pursued one day by the right young man.

    My hearts desire is that you follow that path that God has for you.  If that includes marriage, then my hope is in giving you away to the right man.  Until then I will do everything I can for you as a father.  I will chase away the creeps, ask you great questions, and perform background checks on any guy that comes through the front door (ok maybe not the last one…but maybe).  I also promise that if you bring home the right guy you won’t find me cleaning my gun or talking about how people get lost in the Everglades and never come out.  In fact it will be a joy for me to give you away one day.  If you bring home the right guy, I’ll pay for the wedding and rejoice on the day that my princess becomes someone elses queen.

    2. Some things appear more urgent than they are.

    In the movies Edward says all kinds of nice things to Bella (once you take away the creepy 100 year age difference… please never date a man 100 years older than you… thats a whole new level of creepy).  Everyone enjoy hearing nice things like, “you make life worth living.”  Sometimes words spoken softly and sweetly can be mistaken for love.  Real love is a commitment and it takes time to show up.  Guard your self from giving your heart away to anyone who talks a good game.  This kind of talk can make you think that things are more intimate than they are.

    Too many young men are careless with their words.  Many young boys are living life in transition and are mistaken in their feelings or they carry sinister motives and are trying to manipulate you. A young man worth your time will guard his words and will not lead you on.  The woman pursued by solomon in Song of Songs offers some wise advice here.  She says, “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases” (Song of Songs 2:7).  Real love is patient and is evident in a young man’s actions long before it appears in his words.

    3. Don’t make strong commitments while your life is in transition.

    You have grown up so much from the first time I held you in my arms.  You have learned so much.  Every day of your life I have been amazed by you and I am proud of who you are becoming.  I know one day that if it is God’s will that I will give you away at your wedding.

    Right now you are going through a time of transition.  You are no longer a child, but you aren’t quite an adult yet either.  You are changing.  Your body is changing and your thoughts, attitudes, and desires are all changing. It is okay to change.  One of the problems with this time in your life though is that sometimes you may not know what you want.  Or you may want two things.  Like Bella in the movie you may have two guys who like you and you may like them both.

    A mature woman will act decisively. Even as you become an adult, when you are uncertain I beg you not to commit yourself to anything until you have figured what you want.  This is the reason for the really unpopular rule about how old you need to be before you can date.  I’ll be honest.  My aim is to give you away on your wedding day both physically and emotionally pure.  I know that purity in your marriage will light an intense fire of intimacy and trust with your husband.

    I love you and I truly want the best for you.  That day they handed you to me in the hospital was one of the best days of my life.  Everyday with you had been a joyful adventure. I will always be your father and I will always love you.

  • Tell Me the Story!
  • A Few Thoughts on Fatherhood
  • 3 Annoying things I’m Glad My Parents Did When I was a Teenager
  • Avatar: 3 Things I’d Tell My Teenage Son After Watching Avatar
  • What a Father Says to His Daughter on Valentines Day