Tag: Jesus

When Church Hurts: Forgiving the People Who Have Hurt Me the Most

On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, discipleship, Ministry, Prayer6 Comments

Earlier I shared a post in a series about how I became a follower of Jesus Christ.  One of those posts dealt briefly with a series of events that have marked my life beyond all others.  I shared about how my father had a stroke and was subsequently asked for his resignation as pastor.  This series of events occurred when I was 14 years old and still impact me to this day.

My initial response was rebellion and hatred.  For years I was bitter and clung to a hatred of the church in general and this church in particular.  It was a poison in my soul.  It wasn’t until years later that I would look back at this series of events and say with Joseph, “You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good” (Genesis 50:20). And with the Apostle Paul, “For we Know that He (God) works all things together for our good” (Romans 8:28).

The transition took place when I found a way to forgive this church and trust God to remove the bitterness from my heart.  In theological circles they debate this matter of forgiveness like its optional.  Some say that we have a right to hold on to unforgiveness until someone repents of their sin against us.  This is a position that I used to justify my greedy and unforgiving heart.

Then it happened.  I was confronted with the simple text of scripture.  Matthew 6:14-15 tell us that if we don’t forgive others as God has forgiven us, we won’t be forgiven. Some debate that God doesn’t forgive us until we repent of sin, but they miss the bigger picture.  My repentance doesn’t merit God’s forgiveness.  God’s forgiveness was purchased for me through Jesus Christ who died on the cross for my sin. God the offended, made the peace-offering.  As the offender all I had to do was receive the terms of forgiveness. I needed to agree with God that I was a sinner, turn from my sin and follow Jesus (repentance).

So now, if I was to forgive others as I have been forgiven I needed to be the one who would make the peace-offering.  That is what God did for me.  That is what the king did for the servant at the beginning of the parable in Matthew 18:23-35 when he realized the servant couldn’t pay.  He assumed the debt.  That is what the servant is guilty of not doing with his fellow servant.

So one day I made my way back to the church where it all happened. I sat in the back wondering how one goes about forgiving a church and wrestling with what to do. Then they did something peculiar.  They opened the door for the people in the congregation to share what the church had meant to them. I was resistant.  I had a burning inside that I had to get up and share.  Finally it seemed like they were closing the door for people to share and I awkwardly sprang to my feet and began the slow walk to the front.

By now the eyes of the congregation were on me.  They knew who I was.  I imagine they were all wondering at what I was about to say.  Some gave me an ice-cold glare.  Others had a sympathetic smile.  Still others looked on with a puzzled look on their face.  And I shared, “This church hurt me.  Several years ago, you hurt my father and you hurt my family.  You have left wounds on me that cut deep.  I carry scars and nightmares to this day because of what happened here.  But today I have come not to curse you, but to bless you.  I forgive you! I forgive you all for everything!”

At this point tears were gushing from my eyes and knowing we were at the end of the service, I asked to close in prayer.  I put my hands on their pastor and began to offer a prayer for blessing upon him, his family, and the ministry of the church.

Later that night I found out from the pastor and other that the church had begun a process of repenting of their past sins.  I was blessed to have the pastor pray and offer a blessing over me.  Today I pray for that church on a regular basis asking God to move in them.

Given my past it is somewhat ironic that God would call me into the ministry.  Since then I have been blessed to serve with two really great congregations (one for over ten years) and alongside two great pastors.

  • When Church People do Bad Things
  • 3 Things you should know before you Judge your Friends
  • Forgiveness
  • My Story: A Trial that Proves a Faulty Faith (part 2)
  • 7 Steps of a Unified Group

    • Why Doesn’t Santa Claus Come to Pensacola?

    On By pastorjonathanIn Family8 Comments

    I’m really kind of passive on the whole Santa issue.  Though we have chosen to emphasize the birth of Jesus and to not teach our kids about Santa Claus . It’s not a big deal kind of thing for us.  If you teach your kids that Santa is real and put extra gifts under the tree it’s not going to ruin my Christmas.

    My daughter has always been told that Santa Claus does not exist, but some people pretend that he exists.  She still gets a pile of gifts under the tree, but they come from us and her grandparents.

    It really hasn’t been a big dilemma until this year.  This year she is a little wiser.  She knows a little more.  She is 3 years old and will soon be 4.  Now for the first time, and certainly not the last, she recognizes that not everyone is like us.  She has been surrounded by the Santa story this year.  We have watched a few movies as a family about Santa (all the while talking about how its fun to tell stories about Santa, but he is not real), many of our neighbors have Santa themed decorations and some of the other adults in her life (teachers, etc.) have been talking with her about what kind of presents she will get from Santa this year.

    She knows what she has been taught by her parents but to a 3 almost 4-year-old there appears to be an overwhelming amount of evidence that Santa exists.  So the other day she asked a question that took me by surprise.  She said, “Daddy, why doesn’t Santa come to Pensacola?”

    She had put the evidence together.  Santa was on TV, Santa was on display in our neighborhood, Santa was talked about even by the adults at church, so Santa must be real.  So we told her again that lots of adults like to pretend that there is a Santa Claus and many children believe that he really exists, but that we had promised her before she was born that we would always be a source of truth for her and we would never intentionally mislead her.

    In fact one of our core principals and my prayer for her every night is that she would be able to distinguish the truth from a lie.  Over the course of a few conversations the whole Santa issue becomes a great teaching lesson on being able to trust the teaching she was entrusted to and make wise decisions.  I thank God for it and am getting geared up for the next time we have an opportunity to drive home the importance of knowing the truth.

    So then her next question pops up. “Are the people who pretend about Santa bad people?” She asks.  Because, you see, the only other picture she has in her little world view right now is that a long time ago a snake in a garden deceived Adam and Eve into believing a lie and that is how sin entered the world.  She also knows that she will be punished if she lies to us.  Her natural conclusion is that people who “lie” or, deceive others into believing something that is not true, are bad people.

    Part of me is cheering her on, because I know she has a solid grasp on the story of the fall.  The other part of me is looking for a way to explain why people would pretend in Santa and take delight in getting others to believe he is real.  It’s a difficult positions to be in.  There really isn’t riding the fence on this one.  I either have to lie to her and say that these people are truly misguided (they don’t know that they are deceiving others) or tell her that some of the adults that she looks up to, do bad things just like the rest of us and that is the real meaning of Christmas, Jesus came to be born of a virgin, live a perfect life, die on the cross for our sins, be raised from the dead, and will return for us.  I went with the second option.

    What about you?  What do you think about the whole Santa deal?

    1.)Is it okay to teach your kids about Santa?

    2.)Is it deception to tell your kids that Santa is Real?

    3.) Is it ever okay to lie to your kids?

    3 Christmas Meditations on Being a Parent (Part 2)

    On By pastorjonathanIn Devotional, Family, parentingLeave a comment

    2. Mary and Joseph Knew they would have to let go.

    I wonder if knowing the destiny of Jesus (at least vaugly) effected the way that Mary and Joseph went about parenting? In a very real way they were forced to come to terms with letting him go.  Letting go can be one of the hardest parts about parenting.

    I see parents who are clinging to their children and holding on too tight.  Sometimes this comes from a natural desire to protect their children from harm (there are other reasons).  No one wants to see their children hurt and or know that their child could be in danger.  Yet, some parents take this to an extreme by hampering their children from being able to  spread their own wings.  Sometimes we grow so accustomed to making decisions for our children, that we forget the goal of parenting is to train our children to make their own decisions.

    Just like an archer has to let go of the arrow before it sails into the air and finds its mark, Parents are called on to release their children.  I think this happened in a very real way for Mary and Joseph.  They knew their was something special about Jesus from the start.  How do you raise the savior?

    How would we parent differently if we knew the destiny of our children?  What if God called them to the heart of darkness a world away?  Would we be prepared to send them? Guide them? even direct them? My prayer is that he does call them there and that we are willing to let go and even send them.

    To be honest each day I function on the edge of insanity.  Every time the road is wet and my wife and kids are in a car somewhere without me, I keep the phone close, praying that they are ok.  I could easily become compulsive about the safety of my children.  “No” could easily become the most dominant word in my vocabulary for no other reason than that “No” is safe.  But the joy of parenting isn’t found purely in seeking safety but in the risk of providing direction and  letting go.

    3 Christmas Meditations on Being a Parent.

    On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, Family, MissionsLeave a comment

    One of the biggest concerns of parenting is keeping you children safe.  When you become a parent the world changes.  People you don’t know become STRANGERS (with a dark and sinister motives), electric sockets become LIVE WIRES (that threaten to electrocute your kid) and the stove becomes an INFERNO of DEATH (that threatens to burn or scald your child should they even look sideways at it). Ok… Ok… Maybe I have an overactive imagination, but you get the point.  Part of parenting is keeping kids safe.  It starts with the prenatal vitamins and goes from there.

    This is all fresh for me because my wife and I just had the opportunity of welcoming our son (second child)  into the world a few short days ago.  It has been an emotional journey to say the least. Everything about the birth and delivery process was about as routine and casual as having a baby can get.  But as I read the Christmas story over the last few days a few things stuck out to me like never before.

    1. Taking on the Risk of Giving (Luke 2:1-7)

    For all practical purposes Jesus was born in a homeless shelter.  There was no room for them in the Inn at Bethlehem.  Mary and Joseph were travelers and though it was the place of Joseph’s lineage they were most likely strangers in town.

    Mary and Joseph followed God even in the midst of what must have been a scary and troubling situation.  I am inspired by their courage to trust God through temporary circumstances in order to welcome Jesus into this world.  It was risky.  But I guess that is the point I am trying to make.  Jesus didn’t come to be safe, but to save.  Jesus wasn’t Mary and Josephs kid to hold on to, but to give away to the world.

    It would be easy to look at my children born under different circumstances thousands of years and miles later and think it is all different for me.  Certainly my children won’t die on a cross for the sins of the world.  But maybe the were intended for more than me.  Psalm 127 compares children to arrows.  Arrows were not intended to remain in the quiver, but to be launched at the Enemy. Maybe children aren’t the kind of blessing you keep, but they are the kind of blessing you give and that involves risk.

    Praying for You by Lacrea

    On By pastorjonathanIn spiritual disciplines, VideoLeave a comment

    Check out the music video below! Stick around for the ending of the song.   Lacrea is the play list on my Ipod. If you haven’t already, check out his new album Rebel.

    Review: “Spectacular Sins” By John Piper

    On By pastorjonathanIn books, Kingdom of GodLeave a comment

    A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to attend the Florida Baptist Convention where I got a chance to buy a copy of John Piper’s book, Spectacular Sins at the Lifeway store.   Being a Piper fan and having read most all of his works I set out to read this book this past weekend.  I was refreshed with the candor and diligence with which Piper writes in this book.  The introduction alone is worth the price of the book.

    After establishing a need for a more vigilant Christianity and pleading with the reader to be prepared for the advancing darkness Piper launches into an exposition of several of the spectacular sins that have been recorded in the scriptures.  He writes of sins such as the fall in the Garden of Eden, rebellion at the Tower of Babel, selling of Joseph, and betrayal by Judas and how through each rebellious act God was in control, turning evil on its nose and causing great good to come out of acts that were intended for evil.

    You can find the book in hard cover it normally goes for $15.99, but you can find it on Amazon.com for $10.87 and even cheaper from Desiring God in paper back for $6.49.  You can find our more about John Piper and resources he has written and produced here.  The original sermons that have been recorded in print in this book can also be found free of charge here on the Desiring God ministry site.

    I highly recommend this brief book (128 Pages) to anyone interested getting a glimps at how God can cause good to triumph over plans that were intended for evil.  It is an urgent message that is much-needed in our day.  I give it 4 stars.

    Review: “The White Horse King” by Benjamin Merkle

    On By pastorjonathanIn books, leadership1 Comment

    The White Horse King: The Life of Alfred the Great
    by Benjamin Merkle is an amazing book filled with great detail about the awe inspiring life of Alfred the Great.  Alfred was the fifth son of AEthelwulf  king of Wessex (AD 839 – 858) and by all accounts was unlikely to ever assume the throne.  Yet, through a series of unfortunate events aided by the viking raids on the Southern kingdoms of what is now called Britan, Alfred found himself wearing his father’s crown and tasked with finding a way to forge peace and prosperity for his people in the midst of viking rampage.  Alfred was eventually not only successful in repelling the viking onslaught but was able to initiate several military, cultural, and societal reforms that have set the baseline for Western civilization.

    Admittedly I did not know much about Alfred the great before I picked up this book, I was just looking for an inspiring and challenging biography.  I found that and so much more in this book.  I was greatly blessed to glean several leadership and life lessons from how this noble Anglo-Saxon and decidedly Christian king handled adverse situations, dealt with his enemies, inspired a literary revolution, and raised the quality of leadership in his kingdom.

    This is one of the best and most inspiring historical biographies I have read to date.   The White Horse King is an amazing book. The retail price is $14.99 (Paperback), and is available at places like Amazon.com for $11.24. I gave it five stars (and would have given it more if I could).

    Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson as part of the BookSneeze program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

    Here are some other book reviews:

    3 Keys to a Good Disciple Now Weekend (Part: 3)

    On By pastorjonathanIn discipleship, leadership, student ministryLeave a comment

    The Follow Up

    Ok.  Here is perhaps the most important part of the whole Disciple Now weekend, Follow Up!  It begins as soon as the students head home after the morning service.  There are generally three major areas that I like to follow-up with as quickly as possible (to help keep the events of the weekend fresh).

    1. Leaders

    I typically enjoy having lunch with all of my leaders or scheduling another time to meet with them.  I like to discuss the event while it is still fresh in their minds.  Each leader gets an opportunity to discuss challenges the weekend posed for them, opportunities for further ministry (as they see it), and an evaluation of the whole weekend.  I treasure this time as it provides for me a great opportunity to coach my leaders through processing the event as well as provides me with another perspective on leading our students.

    2. Host Homes

    I usually try to follow-up with host homes casually on an individual basis in the week after the Disciple Now weekend.  I also like to give out a brief survey on things that went well and things that we can improve before the next Disciple Now weekend.  Though they did not make it to my big 3  list for a successful Dnow weekend, host homes are crucial.  Getting key insight from adults who have just spent a weekend in their home with your students is never a bad idea.

    3. Students

    After having an opportunity to gather as much information as possible after the event from leaders and host homes it is important to use that information to engage students.  Sometimes this comes in passing information on to LIFE group leaders (the real everyday hero’s in student ministry) in discussing how to better minister to individual students.  Sometimes this provides great opportunity to follow-up with a student who was asking questions at Disciple Now weekend.  Other times the information is applied to working on group dynamics.  As a Student Pastor or Student Ministry Leader you will be uniquely equipped to figure out the best strategy to take the information you have gathered and shepherd students.  The goal is to help move students along in process of becoming fully devoted followers of Jesus Christ.  Not just to hold a successful event.  Events are just tools that we can use along the way to develop disciples.

    Review: Finding Purpose Beyond Our Pain

    On By pastorjonathanIn books, Ministry1 Comment

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    Finding Purpose Beyond Our Pain: Uncovering the Hidden Potential in Life’s Most Common Struggles by Dr. Paul Meier and Dr. David L. Henderson is a great book  for readers who are looking to see a greater purpose in the painful moments of life.   Through out this book the authors challenge the reader to not seek a pain free existence, but rather to learn and grow through pain to see God’s greater purpose. Both authors share keen insights from both personal and clinical experience.

    The book is divided into seven sections with four chapters each.  The sections include Injustice, Rejection, Loneliness, Loss, Discipline, Failure, and Death.  Each section is stand alone and the reader can jump ahead to a section without fear of having missed vital information in a section prior.

    I appreciated authors’ writing styles.  The use of real life stories and examples helped to insure that this book was an easy read and never boring.  I enjoyed reading the keen insights from two brilliant men who have years of Biblical counseling experience in walking with people through pain.  The credibility of the authors, the easy to reference sectioning, and the readable style has guaranteed this book a spot on my shelf for years to come.

     

    This is a very practical and readable book on pain and adversity.   Finding Purpose Beyond Our Pain is an excellent resource. The retail price is $22.99 (Hardcover), and is available at places like Amazon.com for $16.55. I gave it four stars.

    Disclaimer: As a blogger I received a free review copy from the Thomas Nelson’s Book Review Blogger program  (http://brb.thomasnelson.com/ ).  There was no requirement to give it a positive review, just for the reviewer to call it like they see it.

    5 Keys for Developing Long Term Strategy in Student Ministry

    On By pastorjonathanIn Ministry, student ministry4 Comments

    I’ve been asked to speak a few times on the topic of Student Ministry and here lately have had a few great conversations with fellow youth pastors about Student Ministry.  The following is a short version of my notes I have used on occasion.  The bold sections are a revision of my thoughts.

    http://mrg.bz/C3Qy3c

    The culture is changing rapidly and it provides us an excellent opportunity to examine how we should change our approach to student ministry. But there is one thing you need to know, even before the culture began pick up the pace Student Ministry was failing. The statistical data on Student Ministry is not pretty. We have a 75-85 % failure rate depending on whose statistics you read. To get a picture of how huge that number is…for every 4 kids actively involved in student ministry one makes it to church as an adult. Much can be said about why, how, and who obtained the various statistics but what I would like to do is use the current buzz around student ministry to help us evaluate our methods and begin exploring what success looks like in student ministry.

    Create Long-term Goals

    We need to create long-term goals for student ministry. Too often success in Student Ministry is measured in short term numbers. Nothing is wrong with using numbers to measure success. but are we using the right numbers? One sales job I had required you to wait 60 days before you collect your pay check. The reason was simple. People bring things back and you don’t get paid on what gets returned. (I’m not staying that kids lose their salvation, its just that sometimes they don’t really make genuine commitments. I’ve had students “get saved” at a concert because the invitation was offered in conjunction with a free bracelet from the evangelist. The were responding to a free bracelet offer and got counted as trusting in Christ. What is really sad is that i don’t think the evangelist was trying to cause this kind of confusion. He preached a sincere gospel message.)

    Be Able to Measure

    One of the key problems in this assessment is that most tangible numbers for student ministry are short term (decisions and attendance) and therefore get the most focus. Most long term goals in student ministry are intangible or we just haven’t developed a measuring stick and therefore in many ministries get little or no focus.  The questions we should be asking about student ministry isn’t, “how many?”, but “what do students who graduate from our group look like?”  Our focus needs to shift from entertainment with a christian vibe to discipleship (By discipleship I mean teaching our kids to know and put into practice the word of God in their lives… Not just know how to hotly debate side issues of doctrine.  Jesus tells us in the great commission that part of disciple making is “teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.” ) One of our measurements at a church I served was having students who are able to teach or disciple others.

    Know where you are

    Once you have determined the measuring stick, figure out where you are.  Get an honest assessment of how close or far away from the goal you are.  You may need to enlist the help of outsiders to give you an honest evaluation of your group.  If you are new to your position, ask a leader or youth worker who has been around if they know where the students are in relation to your goal of (bible reading, scripture memory, acts of service, leadership, discipleship, etc…) Ask yourself questions.  Ask your students questions  (Something as simple as a survey would work for “how often do you read your bible”)

    Develop the playbook

    If you set long term goals then you won’t achieve them overnight.  In fact, depending on your students, announcing your long term goal may backfire on you.  Sometimes it is better to establish short term goals that will help you get closer to your long term goal. For example, having students assist in teaching children at a backyard bible club is less intimidating that to disciple a peer.  The next step would be to have a student teach at a backyard Bible club.  Then maybe it is a student Sunday where students team up and teach adult classes, lead music, and preach.  Then maybe its calling on the older students to teach younger students in the course of a disciple now weekend.  Each one of these is a strategic step towards a larger goal of having students who are able to teach.  (Hint: celebrating each step along the way will help students develop the confidence and trust in God to take the next big step)

    Stick around for the Results

    Unless you build from the ground up or start with just a small handful of students it will take time to see strategy come to fruition.  If you develop a 4 year strategy and leave after two years you were only halfway through the plan.  That is kind of like quitting the game at half-time.  I know that sometimes circumstances are beyond your control or God calls you to go somewhere. But where possible see it through.  Discipleship is a lifelong commitment.