Category: Family

How to Raise a Daughter: 15 Small Steps for Dad’s that Make Difference in the Lives of Their Daughters

On By pastorjonathanIn Family, parenting1 Comment

 Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.  (2)  It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.  (3)  Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.  (4)  Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth.  (5)  Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. – Psalm 127

 

Children are like arrows, they have to be aimed and let go. Below are a few practices that I have set out to keep up with my daughter that take very little time, but will shape her whole life and prepare her for the future.  I’m not an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I am intentional.  I hope this list provokes your thoughts on the simple things we do as parents and how they can make a world of difference for your children.

1. Tell her you love her every day of your life (say it multiple times and in multiple ways each day)

2. Teach her that character, not make-up brings out her true beauty.

3. Tell her everything special that you like about her mom on a regular basis (especially in regards to her character)

4. Teach her to give her best effort on every project

5. Tell her you are proud of her (and highlight the things you are proud of, especially when you know she gave her best effort).

6. Give her a hug everyday (even in the teenage years when things get a little awkward and you realize that she’s closer to being a woman than a little girl).

7. Tell her that she is beautiful (just like her mom… give her a womanly role model worthy of emulation and affirm her mother in front of her often).

8. Teach her to be thankful for everything (Thank God for simple pleasures like apples and other fruit that God gave us for our pleasure).

9. Give her responsibility and hold her accountable (nothing says love like trust, expectation, and a little help along the way).

10. Hit Pause on the Disney shows and talk about real life issues (though “family friendly,” most kids shows are centered on someone telling a lie, a weak or non-existent father character, and kids running the show… you are your daughters filter, but you won’t always be… help her discern truth for error even in her entertainment options).

11. Pray for her everyday of your life.

12. Pray with her every day. (and let her hear you pray for her)

13. Teach her to pray.

14. Read the Bible together every day. (Starting with a reliable Story Bible and working into a good translation. Start reading to her and then work into her reading to you, especially if she is younger.)

15. Memorize scripture and Spiritual questions and answers together often (at lease weekly).

 

5 Things I Would Tell My Teenage Friends Who Are Dealing With Divorce

On By pastorjonathanIn discipleship, FamilyLeave a comment

I have been working with teenagers ever since I was one.  Though I am aging out I still get to hang out with teenagers on a pretty consistent basis and on occasion I get asked for advice. Sometimes the advice flows out of my experience, sometimes it flows out of maturity (just being able to look back from around the bend with a clear perspective), but most often the advice I like to give comes from the Bible because I have found it to be a reliable and authoritative guide to knowing God and figuring life out.

However, before I dig into what I would say to my teenage friends who are dealing with their parents’ divorce I want to say this: My goal is to help you in your situation.  To that end I won’t be writing about what all the Bible says about divorce.  Rather, I’ll be writing mostly about what the Bible says about you or about parents.

Here is what I would say to my teenage friends who are dealing with their parents’ divorce.

1. You Are Not Alone. Sometimes you may feel like you don’t have anyone to turn to or that anyone gets what you are going through.  I want to encourage you that even in our darkest hour that God is still with us.  Turn to Him, even when you do not know what to say and he will hear the cry of your heart.  Check out Romans 8:35-39.

2. Your Parents Are Still Your Parents. You may see one more than the other, but both are still your parents and you need to honor them both.  Refuse to choose sides and engage in gossip or negative talk.  This means that when you are with your mom, you do not need to gossip about your dad or when you are with your dad you do not need to talk bad about your mom. Check out Exodus 20:12 and Ephesians 4:29.

3. Pray for Your Parents Every Day. God can create human life and change the hearts of kings, He is most certainly able to change the hearts of your parents.  However, your parents may never change how they interact with one another.  Pray everyday for God to comfort you and to give you wisdom in how to interact with your parents.  Check out 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.

4. Forgive Your Parents. You may be holding on to a grudge against your mom or dad or both.  Forgiveness can be tough, but it is necessary.  Forgiving your parents if you hold a grudge allows you to process what has happened and begin to move on with your life.  If you are a believer, then remember how God in Christ forgave you.  While a divorce is certainly a big deal and issues may be compounded by the way one or both of your parents are treating you, you need to start down the path of forgiveness. Check out Matthew 18:21-35.

5. Lean on friends that you can trust. It will be helpful for you to talk about how you feel about your parent’s divorce.  You may need to find a trusted adult or counselor that you can talk to on a regular basis and will encourage you and help you process everything that is going on.  Check out Proverbs 18:24, Proverbs 19:4, and Proverbs 27:9.

To those of you I know Personally: I don’t know what having divorced parents feels like, but I know that things will be different for you and I want to be here for you as a friend while you go through this. My parents were never divorced and so I can’t pretend to know what you are going through.  Though I don’t know how you hurt, I know that you hurt and so I’m here for you.

You may also want to check out what Christian recording artist Britt Nicole has to say about dealing with divorce (her parents are divorced). I linked to an interview with her on this topic that I found on the Lifeway Girls Ministry blog here:  Britt Nicole on Divorce

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If You Want Great Friends, Then You Need to Be a Great Friend: 3 steps you can take today to becoming an awesome friend.

On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, Family, leadership, parentingLeave a comment

Growing up we moved quiet a few times during my formative years.  It seems like I was always the new kid at school.  I guess with so many fresh starts that through the years I learned a lot about the kind of company you keep.

I used to think that as the new kid, I was the one in need of a friends.  But one day I realized that some people go their whole lives without ever discovering a true friend. I decided then and there that whatever other people might one day say about me, that the best thing they could say was that I was a true friend.

When I was sixteen I read an older edition of “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie (it’s still on my the shelf over my desk today).  To simplify and summarize the book, I learned that winning friends was really all about being a friend. So I set out to be a good friend to the people I already knew.  I asked questions, listened to stories, and shared positive insights into my friends’ lives.  It’s amazing what you will learn about people if you will just ask questions, listen and actually care.

Every year while I was in college, I looked around and made a list of people that needed a good friend.  I made it a point to find time to be in the Laundry mat, cafeteria, library,  etc. at the same time that they were in order to have an opportunity to ask good questions and listen.  At that point the caring part came pretty natural to me.  It’s hard not to care once you have heard someone’s story.

As the years have gone on, I’ve gotten close to several people and had several best friends.  I wish I were able to be closer to everyone.  Unfortunately geography and busy schedules have cause some friendships to wane in intensity.  (In reality you can only keep 3 or 4 good friendships going at once… with all my heart I wish it were more).

Being a good friend is a combination of things that is really just one thing… like pie, several ingredients make up the whole.  1. Ask good open ended questions and let your friend talk. 2. Listen and ask follow up questions like “how did you get involved in (whatever they are most passionate about).” 3. Care, genuinely care.  Your friends need to know that you care.

I hope all goes well on your pursuit to being a good friend.

Is It Time For A Media Diet?

On By pastorjonathanIn Family3 Comments

As a  young boy growing up I thought my parents had some really strange rules.  One that I thought was completely weird and unnecessary was my mother’s rule that we were only allowed 10 hours of TV time a week.  Though I fought it tooth and nail at the time, the 10-hour-a-week rule had some really positive effects.  My brother and I played outside more.  We read books.  We became really good a negotiating when we figured out we could squeeze in one or two more shows a week by turning off the TV for commercials… We also became unaware of all the cool stuff that was marketed to kids and teens because we didn’t see the commercials.

I look back now and I’m kind of thankful that my mom imposed some limits on our TV consumption.  It helped round me out, I discovered my imagination and found out that I enjoyed reading, writing, sports and other things.  Her tenacity to stick to the 10 hours a week rule really shaped my character in a positive way.  At the time I argued against setting limits on Media consumption… Today as a Dad with children of my own and even more media influences than ever before I find myself echoing the wisdom of limiting the influence of media.

Please understand what I’m saying.  I’m not saying that media is bad. I’m saying too much media is not good and limits a child’s capacity and desire for other satisfying and healthy influences.  It’s like dessert, it’s a self-indulgence.  And like dessert, media is best balanced out by other influences like family time, reading, sports, church, etc.

So here is the question:  When it comes to you and your family how much time do you spend in virtual world activities (facebook, video games, television, etc.) versus real world activities (family time, reading, church, sports, etc.)? If you want a simple tool to help you calculate how much time you are your kids are spending in each world, check out the free Media-Diet-Calculator tool produced by ishinelive.com.

What is a healthy balance between virtual world activities and real world activities? We’re still working on an answer for our family, but I know this… after taking a glance at my personal numbers on the Media-Diet-Calculator I’ve determined that I need to spend even less time in the virtual world and more time engaging in the real world with my family and others.

What do you think?  How much time in the virtual world is healthy?  When does it become unhealthy to be engaged in video games, etc?  What do you and your family do to limit or be disciplined in how you use virtual world technologies?

A Must Read for Christian Parents

On By pastorjonathanIn books, discipleship, Family, parentingLeave a comment

Rock-Solid KIDS by Larry Fowler is a must read for Christian parents, Children ministry directors, Pastors and even youth pastors.  The book outlines a Biblical premise for ministry to children starting in the home and supplemented by the church.  The book is full of biblical wisdom and key insights.

The author didn’t share anything new or unfamiliar to me as a father, but did reaffirm several things my wife and I have sought to do as parents. That being said, I do highly recommend this book for three reasons:  It is brief, It is well written, and It contains the best chapter on sharing the gospel with children that I have ever read.

The book is only 142 pages, yet it packs punch.  You won’t find any wasted words or long diatribes.  Author Larry Fowler has done an outstanding job of  keeping the message simple and straightforward. The 8th chapter on sharing the gospel with children is one of the clearest and most straightforward I have ever read.  The 8th chapter alone is worth the market price of the book.  As a parent I’m grateful to our Minister to children for putting it in my hands.

I  highly recommend Rock-Solid KIDS to anyone who has influence in the lives of kids.  I can see it being especially helpful and encouraging for parents and ministers to children. The retail price is $17.99 (hardcover), and is available around the web in places like Amazon.com for $14.03.  I gave it five stars.

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Halloween and the Great Commission: Why My Kids Dress Up for Candy, but Don’t Pretend in Santa

On By pastorjonathanIn Family, Just Thinking, parentingLeave a comment

Just so you know, I don’t think holidays are evil.  But some Christians do have a hard time navigating the holidays.  They are troubled by Jack-o-lanterns, Santa Claus,  and the Easter bunny.  I guess we could add a few more holidays to the list, but we will keep it down to the big 3 just for the sake of time.

Why its a big deal: No doubt somewhere somebody once told you that all the “Christian” holiday’s  like Christmas and Easter are really just “pagan holidays.”  Christmas wasn’t really on December the 25th and that the Easter bunny is all about fertility, being twitter-pated, new life and stuff.  I know, I know, its disappointing to have your whole Christian holiday stuff upset by some great big “pagan conspiracy.”  Why did they have to go pick the “Christian” holidays, why couldn’t they have hijacked some other holiday like Grandparents Day? No, the pagans had to come and take our Christmas and Easter. Or did they?…

How it might of actually started:  I think it’s the Pagans that should be upset that we are talking so much about Jesus around their holidays.  I guess that’s how it really started.  Some pagan got up to say, “through these winter months we look with joy to the new life of spring,”  and a Christian in the room stood up and said, “let me tell you about how God loves us and when the world was dark and cold, God came in the flesh and dwelt among us.”  And later in the spring when they were sitting around talking about how new life springs out of dead things a Christian got up and said, “They killed Jesus, but he rose from the dead three days later!” All of the sudden these pagan holidays centered around pagan ideas were hijacked by Christians telling their wonderful stories about the incarnation and the resurrection of Jesus.  Yes, my friends, it is the pagans who have had their holidays hijacked… not the Christians.  Truth be told, I don’t know why we have a Christmas tree (nor do I care), but I do know why we have a manger.

The Real Danger: The real danger with “Christian” holidays is that we only think about the incarnation (birth of Jesus) and resurrection on holidays.  SEC football is a bigger threat to my kids than Santa Claus because I’m an Auburn fan.  The real danger is that I might look more excited about football for 4 months out of the year than I am about what Christ has done in my life.  The question isn’t, “do I make Christmas about Jesus or Santa?” The real question is, “do I make all of my life about Jesus?”  The real evil would be to tell my kids Santa isn’t real, tell the truth about Jesus, but forget about Jesus the other 11 months out of the year.

A Way Forward: I say we hijack all the holidays for the sake of the gospel… starting with Halloween.  I know it’s scary; kids all dressed up like witches and demons and stuff.  But think about it, when was the last time you were invited and expected to knock on every door in your neighborhood? (and rewarded with candy I might add!) It’s how we met most of our neighbors beyond just a few doors down.

You see there aren’t any front porches in my neighborhood, or side walks, or parks, most people park the car in the garage,  all of our backyards have 6 foot privacy fences, and most of our houses have TVs and computers so we never have to see each other.  But once a year, Halloween changes that and kids come to our house and we take our kids through the neighborhood. Halloween has become an avenue for relationships which is the avenue for the gospel.

I know, I know, your scared that the secret origins of Halloween now have a dark hold over my kids… Can I just say, “It’s not so.”  We serve a risen Savior who beat death, and destroys demons.  We dabbled more in the spirit world when we obeyed God, packed our bags and moved our family to Pensacola (trust me, my daughter had more nightmares and we wrestled through more demonic stuff in our obedience than we ever have with her dressed as a Strawberry).  It’s time that we worry more about the mission than the top-secret pagan origins of a holiday.

Where to draw the line:  I think the line on holidays looks different for each family.  We draw the line at deception or dishonesty to our kids.  We teach our kids that Santa  and the Easter bunny are not real.  We also teach that Satan and his demons are real.  Most importantly we teach that Jesus Christ has conquered death and is stronger than any demon will ever be.  One of our core values is the ability to discern truth from error.   We still teach a healthy amount of pretend and play.  Because we aim for this balance of truth and pretend we are a little weird.  The things we draw the line on are probably different than you family and that’s okay (you can be weird too!)

Christmas vs. Consumerism

On By pastorjonathanIn Devotional, discipleship, FamilyLeave a comment

Is it me or is there something seriously wrong when a company makes over 50% of its profits in the 3rd quarter?  Are we really that consumer driven as a society?  Is that what Christmas really means to America?  Spend your cash or take out credit and “help” the economy? 

Is that really what we have made it? Are we really that worried that aunt sally won’t like us if we don’t buy her a toaster?  Our kids won’t have anything to brag about if we don’t buy them the latest video game accessories for Christmas?

I know families who go into debt every year to “buy Christmas” and spend the entirety of the next year paying it off.  Others are a little better at planning and so they set up a Christmas club account.  Threaten not to buy presents this year and in some families you will be disowned (or at least it will feel like it). Because Christmas is all about the gifts, right? I mean it wouldn’t be Christmas without the gifts, would it?

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not against gifts.  I’m against Idols.  If Christmas isn’t “Christmas” without the gifts, then you are worshiping the wrong person come December 25th.  It might be your aunt sally who will threaten to disown you and collapsin a pile of tears if you don’t get her anything.  It might be the imaginary judgments made by your kids friends and parents when they hear that you didn’t get little johnny or Suzie everything on their little Christmas list.  It might be the reporter who shares that sales were still down this year.  It might be the little voice inside your head that tells you that people won’t like you if you don’t give them gifts.

You might say, “I give gifts to honor Jesus.” That’s right, we do celebrate the birth of Jesus at Christmas. Jesus who stepped out of heaven, came to earth and was born practically homeless and in the care of teenagers. Jesus who humbled Himself and gave Himself as a sacrifice for our sins.  We owed a debt we couldn’t pay and He payed a debt He didn’t owe.  Jesus. 

If we would truly honor Him, then lets give as He gave.  Give to those who cannot repay you.  And don’t just give them the left-overs, give them the lion share.  Fill the shoebox for your kid and give the rest away to those who have no way of paying you back.  I think the folks at Adventconspiracy.org are on to something.  Check out the video below.

For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. – Matthew 5:46-48

Remembering to be Humble on Thanksgiving Day

On By pastorjonathanIn Devotional, FamilyLeave a comment

My parents had a few strange customs around our dinner table growing up.  First, we ate at the table.  It was a discipline because dinner time usually happened around the same time that our favorite TV shows would come on.  Second, My father would read or share a devotional from the Bible or an inspirational book.  Third, we held hands and would all share something that we were thankful for. Nobody ever bothered to tell my parents that this was “Thanksgiving day thing” and not for the other 364 days out fo the year… at 2-3 family meals a day, times 365 days a year times about 18 years at home and you get the idea that we were a thankful bunch.

In those early years I was thankful for sweet and endearing things like my “momma” or my “daddy.” Around the age of middle childhood I was thankful for petty things like, “I’m thankful that I can beat my brother at basketball.” (Since then, he’s beat me a few times).  In to the teen years it became, “I’m thankful for the food, now lets eat!”

Here lately as I try to observe our customs from the outside it dawned on me that sometimes arrogance parades as thankfulness.  I wish I could take all the credit, but the thought really occurred to me when I woke up at 3 AM one morning and heard a few voices clearly speaking in the darkness of my room.  They said…

“Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus:’God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”

God really spoke to me that night, but before you go jumping to conclusions, I went to bed that night with the audio Bible cued up to play while I slept (and allow my subconscious to digest the scriptures).  However, I was waking up from a deep sleep, was disoriented and it took me a few minutes to realize it was just the audio Bible and not a few strange British men who had broken into my house to dramatically read to me from Luke 18.

None-the-less, the seed was planted and I began to consciously think through the implications of how we show our gratitude to God and others.  Real thankfulness doesn’t arise out of a comparison to others, it arrises out of a genuine dependence on God.  The Pharisee wasn’t thankful, he was arrogant.  The things he was “thankful” for were the things that he wasn’t.  He was thankful that he wasn’t like this “sinner” beside him.  The tax-collector was just calling out for mercy. 

There is difference in being thankful that I have a home and being thankful that I am not homeless.  The first way is thankfulness, the second is arrogance.  Its subtle, but it’s there.  One way is gratitude for the blessings of God, the other is to make myself better than others.

This Thanksgiving I’m aiming to be truly thankful to God for all the blessings he’s given me… and to not be arrogant.  Though in a moment of weakness I might say that I’m thankful I’m not an Alabama fan.

Really Woolly Bible Stories (children’s book review)

On By pastorjonathanIn books, Family, parentingLeave a comment

Really Woolly Bible Stories is a collection of 16 Bible stories, illustrated for young children and told in a few short stanzas of rhyme.  Really Woolly Bible Stories is a great introduction to important bible stories for infants and toddlers.  I appreciate the padded hardback nature of the book ensuring that it can tolerate a gumming by your youngster.  Of course you know nothings fool-proof once your child gets those first teeth.  None-the-less this book is set up for the usual wear and tear that accompanies an active nursery.

I feel that this book does a great job of balancing accuracy with age appropriate censorship.  For example while covering the ten commandments the writer states, “Mind your parents, do not kill.  If you we, your vows fulfill.”  Which given in the context of infants and toddlers is a good introductory statement to what it means to commit adultery (break a promise that you made when you got married), without broaching a larger subject that is implied in the command.

I recommend Really Woolly Bible Stories to parent and grandparents of infants and toddlers.  Your kids will enjoy the thick pages, the art work and hearing you rhyme the stories.  Hopefully, along the way you will plan kernels of truth in the lives of the children you care about.   The retail price is $9.99 (padded board book), and is available around the web in places like Amazon.com. I gave it four stars.

If you are looking for a really great Childrens Bible, check out the Jesus Story Book Bible.  I can’t recommend it enough.  We have read through ours several times now.

Here are some other childrens books and resources I also like…

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson as part of the BookSneeze program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

5 Things I’d Tell my Teenage Daugher after listening to “Teenage Dream” by Katy Perry

On By pastorjonathanIn dating, Family, parenting, student ministry, Womanhood2 Comments

Ok before I start its only fair to say that my daughter isn’t a teenager (she’s 4) and I’m really not a fan of Katy Perry at all.  In fact I highly recommend NOT owning a single MP3, CD or whatever. But because Katy is a really talented singer who gets a lot of air time on the radio  and I work with teenagers (and I can imagine my daughter being a teenager one day), I thought I would provide a little dad like perspective.

Here are five things I’d tell my daughter after hearing “Teenage Dream” on the radio…

1. You are beautiful just the way you are and I hope you find a man who accepts you for you… “without your make up on.”

You need to know that you are beautiful.  Anybody can see that you don’t really need make-up… but I can understand you wearing it to make the other girls feel more confident about themselves.  You are beautiful not only in appearance but in ways that really matter beyond how you fix your hair.

By the way there is nothing wrong with being beautiful.  Your mom is the most beautiful woman I know. But just like your mom, your beauty goes beyond your appearance.  Your real beauty shines when you are selfless and giving to others (I Timothy 2:9-10, I Peter 3:4).

Something you should know about guys your age is that some of them can talk a good game. Sometimes guys will say something like “your beautiful,” but they don’t always mean beautiful like a flower (that should be protected and put on display)… they mean beautiful like a good cut of meat (that should be cooked and eaten).  My prayer is that God brings you a man who will appreciate your true beauty.

2. Sex is good and you will want to “go all the way.”  But just because he seems like the right guy now, doesn’t mean that he is the right guy or that it is the right time.  Wait for marriage.

God made men and women sexual beings. Adam said of Eve (before the fall), “A man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Being a woman is part of who you are and as a young woman it is only natural that you would have sexual desires. The key is not to ignore this fact, but to manage these new desires in a way that glorifies God. As a young woman who most likely won’t be married for several more years it is important to guard your purity and have control of your body.

Many guys are living life in transition and are mistaken in their feelings or they carry sinister motives and are trying to manipulate you. A young man worth your time will guard his words and will not lead you on.  The woman pursued by Solomon in Song of Songs offers some wise advice here.  She says, “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases” (Song of Songs 2:7).  Real love is patient and is evident in a young man’s actions long before it appears in his words.

3. Sex is not love.  Inside of marriage it is an expression of love, but outside of marriage its an expression of impatience.

Adam speaks so gently about Eve his wife when he meets here for the first time. The first poem we have recorded is when Adam speaks to Eve and says, “She is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman because she was taken out of Man” (Genesis 2:23).
Marriage is the right place to enjoy the pleasures of sex to the glory of God and without shame. Sex in marriage can fuel intimacy, but sex outside of marriage will fuel frustration.  At this point, after Adam says man shall leave his parents house for his “wife,” the Bible records, “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:25).

4. Every Sexual sin is a sin against your body and you will carry scars for you your whole life.

Paul writes in the New Testament to, “Flee Sexual Immorality. Every other sin a person commits outside the body, but the sexual immoral person sins against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18). We can do lots of things that will damage our body, but nothing is as personal as sex. When we engage in sexual acts outside of marriage they have a way of robbing us. Even if they are asexual acts (sexual acts that don’t involve physical contact with another person like viewing pornography, masturbation, etc…). We are to flee from even the temptation of these things. Sex was created as a means of intimacy inside of marriage, outside of marriage it tends to destroy. What was fun for a season causes people to become bitter, calloused, and hurt.

5. If you have ever crossed lines sexually (by or against your own will) please know that I love you and you can always come home.

When you were little I used to protect you from things that would hurt you.  Sometimes I even had to make you angry in order to protect you from things you thought you could handle.  Like when you 3 and  wanted to use the meat cleaver to cut vegetables… You totally thought I didn’t get you or appreciate that you were just wanting to help.  I knew you had the best of intentions, but I also knew that you were not ready… yet.

I knew that there would come a day when you would be fully able to chop vegetables on your own.  My long term goal wasn’t to keep you from chopping vegetables, but to prepare you for it. If you had defied me and chosen to cut vegetables with a sharp knife you most likely would have cut yourself.  If you had cut yourself I would have run to your rescue, held you tight in my arms and done my best to stop the damage.

In many ways as your dad I have set out to protect you.  I have given you really unpopular rules not to keep you from an awesome relationship with a guy, but to prepare you for one.  If you find that you have stepped beyond the rules or were forced beyond, and find yourself hurt… please know that as your dad my response will be to run to your rescue, hold you tight in my arms and to do my best to stop the damage.

This isn’t a get out of jail free card or an excuse to try somethings out.  This is an honest plea from your dad to know that this conversation is not about sex, its about you.  Katy Perry has an awesome voice, but the lyrics of her songs promise more than they can afford.  When it comes to relationship advice, please listen to the old man who taught you how to read, tie your shoes, took you out for pancakes every Friday of your life and is still married to your mother… not Katy Perry.