Category: About Jonathan

Resolutions for a New Year

On By pastorjonathanIn About JonathanLeave a comment

I have 3 main resolutions for this next year.  I actually have a LIFE plan with a lot more detail, but that’s for another blog post.  After having a brief conversation today with a stranger who is dreaming about one thing and doing another I decided that I should set in stone some serious goals for the next year.  Here are mine… What are yours?

1. Relate better as Husband and Father

Not that I think I’m doing a terrible job, but I’ve seen too many husbands and fathers drift from their duties over time.  It is really easy to imagine a loving relationship with my wife 5, 10, and 20 years from now, but the truth is that dreams don’t always create reality.  Having a good relationship with my wife and children will take time, intention, and discipline.  I have a strategy in my Life Plan, but its a little personal to share here.

2. Get into God’s word more (both personally and as a family)

Our pastor keeps a blog and comments on a chapter of scripture each day.  I usually keep up with that and read a few other passages each day.  I am also looking at creative ways to be in God’s word more as a family.  My wife and I used to read a chapter of scripture each day together.  When our daughter came along it was a little more difficult to keep her involved and so we shortened it to a few versus during family devotion time.  Now that she is almost 4 we are going to pick up something similar using a new tool for devotions.  My daughter is also old enough to start each day spending some time in God’s word.  Though she isn’t able to read yet I was thinking of moving her nightly Bible reading with me to the morning time (we have been working our way through a picture bible of the New Testament).

3. Live Healthier

This involves changing eating habits and making physical exercise a priority.  It also involves creating a better schedule and sticking too it.  I’ve learned that with planning and intention I can do more in my life with the time I have (this also involves planning for interruption).  We’ll see how it goes.  In my LIFE plan I check up weekly to see how I am living.  I’ll share more about that later… but how about you?  What resolutions do you have for this next year?

When Church Hurts: Forgiving the People Who Have Hurt Me the Most

On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, discipleship, Ministry, Prayer6 Comments

Earlier I shared a post in a series about how I became a follower of Jesus Christ.  One of those posts dealt briefly with a series of events that have marked my life beyond all others.  I shared about how my father had a stroke and was subsequently asked for his resignation as pastor.  This series of events occurred when I was 14 years old and still impact me to this day.

My initial response was rebellion and hatred.  For years I was bitter and clung to a hatred of the church in general and this church in particular.  It was a poison in my soul.  It wasn’t until years later that I would look back at this series of events and say with Joseph, “You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good” (Genesis 50:20). And with the Apostle Paul, “For we Know that He (God) works all things together for our good” (Romans 8:28).

The transition took place when I found a way to forgive this church and trust God to remove the bitterness from my heart.  In theological circles they debate this matter of forgiveness like its optional.  Some say that we have a right to hold on to unforgiveness until someone repents of their sin against us.  This is a position that I used to justify my greedy and unforgiving heart.

Then it happened.  I was confronted with the simple text of scripture.  Matthew 6:14-15 tell us that if we don’t forgive others as God has forgiven us, we won’t be forgiven. Some debate that God doesn’t forgive us until we repent of sin, but they miss the bigger picture.  My repentance doesn’t merit God’s forgiveness.  God’s forgiveness was purchased for me through Jesus Christ who died on the cross for my sin. God the offended, made the peace-offering.  As the offender all I had to do was receive the terms of forgiveness. I needed to agree with God that I was a sinner, turn from my sin and follow Jesus (repentance).

So now, if I was to forgive others as I have been forgiven I needed to be the one who would make the peace-offering.  That is what God did for me.  That is what the king did for the servant at the beginning of the parable in Matthew 18:23-35 when he realized the servant couldn’t pay.  He assumed the debt.  That is what the servant is guilty of not doing with his fellow servant.

So one day I made my way back to the church where it all happened. I sat in the back wondering how one goes about forgiving a church and wrestling with what to do. Then they did something peculiar.  They opened the door for the people in the congregation to share what the church had meant to them. I was resistant.  I had a burning inside that I had to get up and share.  Finally it seemed like they were closing the door for people to share and I awkwardly sprang to my feet and began the slow walk to the front.

By now the eyes of the congregation were on me.  They knew who I was.  I imagine they were all wondering at what I was about to say.  Some gave me an ice-cold glare.  Others had a sympathetic smile.  Still others looked on with a puzzled look on their face.  And I shared, “This church hurt me.  Several years ago, you hurt my father and you hurt my family.  You have left wounds on me that cut deep.  I carry scars and nightmares to this day because of what happened here.  But today I have come not to curse you, but to bless you.  I forgive you! I forgive you all for everything!”

At this point tears were gushing from my eyes and knowing we were at the end of the service, I asked to close in prayer.  I put my hands on their pastor and began to offer a prayer for blessing upon him, his family, and the ministry of the church.

Later that night I found out from the pastor and other that the church had begun a process of repenting of their past sins.  I was blessed to have the pastor pray and offer a blessing over me.  Today I pray for that church on a regular basis asking God to move in them.

Given my past it is somewhat ironic that God would call me into the ministry.  Since then I have been blessed to serve with two really great congregations (one for over ten years) and alongside two great pastors.

  • When Church People do Bad Things
  • 3 Things you should know before you Judge your Friends
  • Forgiveness
  • My Story: A Trial that Proves a Faulty Faith (part 2)
  • 7 Steps of a Unified Group

    • 3 Christmas Meditations on Being a Parent.

    On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, Family, MissionsLeave a comment

    One of the biggest concerns of parenting is keeping you children safe.  When you become a parent the world changes.  People you don’t know become STRANGERS (with a dark and sinister motives), electric sockets become LIVE WIRES (that threaten to electrocute your kid) and the stove becomes an INFERNO of DEATH (that threatens to burn or scald your child should they even look sideways at it). Ok… Ok… Maybe I have an overactive imagination, but you get the point.  Part of parenting is keeping kids safe.  It starts with the prenatal vitamins and goes from there.

    This is all fresh for me because my wife and I just had the opportunity of welcoming our son (second child)  into the world a few short days ago.  It has been an emotional journey to say the least. Everything about the birth and delivery process was about as routine and casual as having a baby can get.  But as I read the Christmas story over the last few days a few things stuck out to me like never before.

    1. Taking on the Risk of Giving (Luke 2:1-7)

    For all practical purposes Jesus was born in a homeless shelter.  There was no room for them in the Inn at Bethlehem.  Mary and Joseph were travelers and though it was the place of Joseph’s lineage they were most likely strangers in town.

    Mary and Joseph followed God even in the midst of what must have been a scary and troubling situation.  I am inspired by their courage to trust God through temporary circumstances in order to welcome Jesus into this world.  It was risky.  But I guess that is the point I am trying to make.  Jesus didn’t come to be safe, but to save.  Jesus wasn’t Mary and Josephs kid to hold on to, but to give away to the world.

    It would be easy to look at my children born under different circumstances thousands of years and miles later and think it is all different for me.  Certainly my children won’t die on a cross for the sins of the world.  But maybe the were intended for more than me.  Psalm 127 compares children to arrows.  Arrows were not intended to remain in the quiver, but to be launched at the Enemy. Maybe children aren’t the kind of blessing you keep, but they are the kind of blessing you give and that involves risk.

    13 Ways Updating My Facebook Status Has Changed My Life

    On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, discipleship, Ministry, spiritual disciplines, Time Management4 Comments

    If you are my facebook friend the odds are that at least once in our online friendship you have seen my status up date read some thing similar to “John 21.  How can I pray for you today?” I update my status everyday with a passage of Scripture I read that morning and a simple question… “How can I pray for you today?”  This simple message goes out via twitter, facebook, and to about 35 friends via text message.  Each day I am blessed to get a response from various friends about how I can pray for them or the people in their lives.  Messages come back in a variety of ways. Sometimes its a simple text,  or a Twitter direct messages,  or a facebook message, or a post on my wall under my status.  I generally get 3-5 prayer requests a day, but have had up to 20 come in, in one day before.  When I started I never thought about how sending out a simple message each morning would change my life.  The following is a list of 13 Ways Updating My Facebook Status Has Changed My Life.


    1. It keeps me accountable (If I’m past 9 AM sending a message out several people will send me a text or a message and check in on me.)

    2.It helps keep me in the loop on how I can pray for people in a real time way. There have been times that people have sent me back a text, called, or sent a message telling me about something they were going through in the moment that they saw my status update and they needed a friend to pray with them about something.

    3. I have been blessed to partner in prayer with people who would not have thought to ask me to pray for or with them.

    4. I am blessed when someone texts or messages me a question about the passage I have been reading that morning. I know other people are reading the same passage with me.

    5. I have been blessed to have others ask how they can pray for me and my family.

    6. I have been blessed to get updates on prayer requests from people I have prayed for. (seeing my daily post has reminded them to update me… Though not all my friends are always this polite).

    7. It keeps me connected with people from the places I used to live. I may not still be there or even visit often, but I am still able to pray for God to move in the lives of others and I am blessed an honored to be able to pray for others.

    8. It has become a starting place for a few of my friends who weren’t reading their bibles much before start reading with me.

    9. I’ve become “that” guy. I’ll see a friend I haven’t seen for a while or someone I met and became friends with on facebook and they’ll yell at me when I see them in real life, “How Can I Pray for You!” And as I begin thinking about how thoughtful they are and start sharing my prayer requests they will yell out, “No! your facebook status!”

    10. I get told on a semi-regular basis that the faithfulness of updating my status to the Scripture passage I have been reading and the “how can I Pray for You?” message has inspired others to be more faithful in reading the Scripture. (which if you think I’m faithful, check out my pastor’s blog.  He posts takeaway thoughts from his devotional every morning… check it out at http://www.chrisaikenonline.com)

    11. I actually know how to pray for friends and loved ones as I pray throughout the day.

    12. People who see me in person feel free to share prayer requests without having to see the invite again, they know I am genuinely interested in talking to God with and for them.

    13. I have gotten to know my friends better by carrying their burdens and rejoicing together with them.

    Balancing Ministry And Family (Part 1:Children)

    On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, FamilyLeave a comment

    My dad was a pastor and church planter while I was growing up.  He would often work a regular job, pastor a small church, and do a bible study and some ground work in a community or ranch (sometimes up to 60 miles away) that would lead to a church plant.  Needless to say he was busy.  (Oh, and I forgot to mention there were four of us kids, all begging for his attention.) Yet, unlike several PK’s (pastor’s kids) I knew my dad always had time for me.  I never felt like I was in competition with the church or the ministry for his time.

    http://mrg.bz/FSOPLN

    Perhaps this was because my Dad was incredibly gifted in balancing his time.  I still remember the fishing trips to a bend in the river 15 miles outside of town, the fossil hunting expeditions, catching snakes, looking for arrowheads, discovering a dinosaur bone, and pestering him while he worked on the car that always seemed to stay broken.  My favorite memories though are the weekly trips we would take out to a Bible study he was leading.  I was blessed to have a 45 minute ride each way with my dad.  All along the way there we would talk about life.  All the way back we would listen to radio preachers like John MacArthur, Charles Stanley, and Chuck Swindoll.

    So then fast forward several years and now I’m an Associate Pastor of Students, taking graduate classes, and have my own little girl looking at both the ministry and my daughter thinking (with all of my other responsabilaties) that there isn’t enough time in the day.  How did my dad ever do it?  Then I realize that he didn’t view his time with me and ministry as in competition, but as a complimentary.  Sure we took special trips to hunt for arrowheads or go fishing (Quality time) but along the way he was sure to get plenty of time (quantity time) with me along the way through taking me along on some of his ministry outings.

    So I stole a page from my dad’s playbook when it comes to stretching the hours in a day.  I take my little girl to the sporting events that our students are playing in.  Last week we went to three different games.  She got to watch a basketball game, a race, and a football game all in one week.  With my wife being a stay at home mom and pregnant with baby number 2, this works out well to give her a little personal mom time while Rebekah and I hang out and cheer our students on.

    We also schedule consistent father daughter hangout time.  Right now because of her age its usually pancakes at McDonald’s every Friday morning.  She usually hangs out with me after I run in the evenings and I tell her everything I did that day (which has evolved into her telling me about her day… very strange for a 3 year old).  Sometimes I’ll walk instead of run so she can “run” with me around our neighborhood.

    How do you ensure that you are spending quality time with your children when you are busy?

    A Few Thoughts on Fatherhood

    On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, Family, Manhood9 Comments

    Getting ready for kid number two in a few months has me reminiscing about fatherhood.  So I thought I would take a moment and share about how God prepared me for fatherhood the first go round.

    My preparation for fatherhood began when I was a child watching my own father.  I was gifted to have a strong and capable dad.  I learned so much from him, even when he wasn’t looking.  I must have been a really good student of my father, because I catch myself saying things and acting just like him.  And that’s not bad, because I really love my dad and feel blessed to be his son.  I wonder if he knew he was teaching me about being a father?

    Rebekah Writing in the Sand

    Then there was the day that a friend of mine told me that he and his wife were going to have a baby.  We were memorizing scripture together and so we turned our hearts to Psalm 127.  We discussed the meaning of the Psalm and that day Psalm 127 began teaching me that children are a blessing. Though I was young, unmarried, and a long way from fatherhood, God used that psalm to shape my life.  I longed for the day that I would be a dad.

    Along the way my job has afforded me the opportunity to watch parents in action.  I have been blessed to see some great parenting from discipline to discipleship.  I’ve learned a lot through the years by partnering with parents in student ministry.

    Yet, nothing could have prepared me for the day when I was told I was going to be a dad.  In our marriage, it was something Avia and I were hoping for, but not exactly planning on quite so soon.  Yet there we were, newly-weds, five-months into marriage and Avia became aware that all was not as it used to be and took a special trip to the doctor.

    One Wednesday night I came home to see my wife and in my chair there was a little teddy bear holding a pregnancy test.  Tears filled her eyes and then mine and then I quoted Psalm 127.  We were nervous.  We didn’t know what parenthood would be like, but we knew this was a blessing from God.

    Nine months later I held my little girl in my arms for the first time.  I held her up and quoted this same Psalm over her and prayed and thanked the Lord for this blessing in our lives.  Then I dedicated her to the Lord and asked for guidance to be a godly father.

    “Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.” (Psalms 127:1-5 ESV)

    Why Asking Her Dad Was Easy

    On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, dating, Manhood2 Comments

    Avia and I decided that we were ready to be married.  Now all I had to do was ask her dad.  I know for most guys this kind of thing seems scary.  I generally don’t think it is easy to ask another man if you can marry his daughter.  I can think of a lot more comfortable situations.

    Engagement Pictures

    What paved the way to make this an easier situation for both her father and I was that we knew each other (though I can’t ever imagine being completely prepared for another man asking to marry my daughter). I had been hanging out at his house three or four times a week for years.  I had been getting to know Avia in the context of her home.  Not to mention that before we started dating, I asked her parents, particularly her dad, if we could date with the view toward marriage.

    So when it came time to ask, though I was nervous, it wasn’t hard or difficult to muster up the courage to go see her father.  It was natural and easy.  I really respected Avia’s dad and I knew I was asking to take responsibility for his daughter.  Such things demand man to man conversation.

    The details of the discussion we had are private, however, it is sufficient to say that two men met that day and discussed life.  The advice I received and continue to solicit from time to time was excellent advice not only on marriage, but on what marriage would be like with Avia.  I’ve come to the conclusion that no man, before her husband, knows a woman like her father.

    With the blessing of her father, mother, and even her brother (after all I had inadvertently used him to get to know Avia better), I set out to propose.  I had the ring in hand, a bible passage to examine, and an anxious girl friend who couldn’t help but wonder when and how I would ask (it was hard for her to ignore that I had gone out of my way to talk with her father, mother, and brother individually).

    Finally the time came to go to a Thursday night college Bible study that I was co-leading.  I drove by Avia’s house and picked her up.   On the way, I remembered that I had left a book in the sanctuary of the church and needed to go by and pick it up.  As we came into the sanctuary I had already arranged for all the lights to be off, except for one spotlight shining down on the altar.  The altar was empty except for a large bible open to Ephesians 5 and in between the pages there was an engagement ring.  I got down on one knee and said, “I’ve been reading this passage.  I am scared and I am humbled by it because I don’t think I am everything I need to be.  But it does describe the type of man that I want to be and will work the rest of my life to become if you answer yes to my question in just a moment.  Today I have a ring for you and I want to put it on your finger.  It is a promise, a promise that in a year from now we will stand together in this same place before God, before our parents, before a room full of witnesses and declare our love for each other and accept each other in marriage.  Avia, will you marry me?”

    She said “yes” and something to the effect of “you talk too much.”  We embraced and read Ephesians 5:22-33 talked about how we would try and fulfill that passage and prayed together.  Then we went to a Bible study and she showed off her ring.  Eight months later we were married.

    Grandpa’s Secret Strategy for Successful Dating: And Why it Worked

    On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, Family, Manhood, WomanhoodLeave a comment

    I have this Bible at home.  It is worn out and falling apart from years of use.  It belonged to my grandfather.  The notes and circled verses in the Bible tell of his conversion to Christianity, his love for his wife, and a few other details.  He was one of the greatest men I have ever known.  Though he wasn’t perfect, he was consistent as a role-model.  I used to love to sit with him for hours and hear stories about him and grandma.  I figured if anyone knew how to live out what it means to be a Christian in the context of a marriage, it was him.  So one day, a year or two before he passed away I had the opportunity to ask him to reflect on what it takes to build a strong marriage.  I learned a lot that day, but the thing that stuck out to me the most was that he was genuinely friends with my grandmother.

    Grandpa's Bible

    He shared about how in each venture they undertook, from the farm, to owning a grocery store, to working together in a retirement home, that he loved having a work situation where she was never far and could be by his side.  They were truly great friends and worked well together. If I was going to use my grandparent’s blueprint for a successful marriage, one thing was clear, Avia and I would need to work well together.

    This is really an important issue when it comes to picking and evaluating a future spouse.  Men and women were meant to compliment one another.  That is the gist of Genesis 2:18. God did not intend for Adam to tend the garden alone and made Eve to be his helper.  Men and women were made to work together.  So the question was, would Avia and I work well together?

    To evaluate this and make sure we were building a relationship on trust rather than emotion we took several practical steps.  We didn’t kiss for the first several months that we dated.  We searched for common interests.  We babysat kids together.  We cooked meals together.  We played indoor games like Scrabble.  We played tennis together (and learned its better if we don’t play on the same team).  We worked on crafts together (like sewing identical teddy bears and painting small ceramic houses).  The point was to work on common projects and see how we related.  Most of this we did in her parents kitchen or living room where they could see us interact.

    During this time we also sought out the advice of couples of all ages.  We sat down with newly wed couples and asked what they wished they had done to prepare for marriage.  We interviewed older couples with grandchildren and asked them the secret to their success.  We watched them interact.

    Through this process we learned a lot.  We learned to communicate.  We learned it was okay to disagree.  We learned what we liked and didn’t like.   We learned how to express our feelings.  We learned our weaknesses.  We learned our strengths.  We learned that we were growing more in love with each other.

    Then one night as we were reading the Bible we came to Ephesians 5.  I told her we should study that passage and really start preparing for marriage.  She told me that she didn’t have a ring on her finger and I hadn’t talked to her dad.  She was wise to put a hold on the emotional commitment that such an action would bring until their was a serious commitment toward marriage.  It brought us to a serious point of reflection to see if we were ready to start making preparations for marriage.

    21 Days of Bond(ing)

    On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, Family, Manhood, WomanhoodLeave a comment

    Fortunately I was also friends with Avia’s brother Fred.  We’d go up to the church gym every now and then and he would beat me in a game of basketball. One night it came to Fred’s attention that I hadn’t seen all of the James Bond movies.  Fred was an avid Bond fan and owned the complete boxed set.  I didn’t have a TV at the time, so he invited me over to their house and we started watching the Bond movies on a pretty regular basis.

    This provided me with a great opportunity to spend time with Avia her family.  I wanted to see how she interacted with her brother and parents.  She would often stay up late and watch the movies with us.  I remember one night she was sick and had already  gone to sleep.  As soon as she heard Fred and I were there, she woke up and came to the living room to watch the movie with us.  That’s when I knew she liked me.

    As the bond series was ending (21 movies at that time) it became obvious that Avia and I were quickly becoming close friends.  I knew my intentions toward her were for more than friendship and felt it was time to define the relationship.  After we saw the last Bond movie, I asked her to spend the day with me by going canoeing with a large group and a seeing a movie together.  On the ride home I discussed my feelings and thoughts with her and asked her if she would be interested in a dating relationship with a view towards marriage.  We both understood that if either of us saw the relationship wasn’t going to work toward marriage, we would break it off immediately.  She agreed that we could “try it out.”

    Then I did something weird.  I asked her parents if it was okay to date their daughter. They had gotten a chance to know me and they definately knew Avia.  I valued their perspective.  I explained that I was not asking to marry their daughter, but to date her with a view toward marriage.  If they said, no, I would respect that.  But my heart turned flips when they said yes!  I valued their observation and input along the way and  welcomed their sound advice.  I now look back on this time as one of the most treasured moments of my life.   That day God also kindled in my heart a warm appreciation, love and respect for Avia’s parents.

    What I saw at Picklefish Changed my Life

    On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, Manhood, WomanhoodLeave a comment

    Pickle FishPicklefish was a restaurant in downtown Mobile.  I used to hang out a lot in downtown Mobile talking to people on the street about Jesus and it didn’t take long for us to find Picklefish, which had a great atmosphere and the best pizza in town.  One of the cool things about the restaurant was that it had a second level where you could sit and watch everybody go by on the street.

    One afternoon a group of my friends and I were getting together to hang out in the downtown area.  I invited several people including a beautiful young woman, named Avia.  At the time I thought there was nothing special about inviting her to come along.  I had invited several people from a group (girls and guys) and she was just one that happened to be there.  She said she would try, but had to babysit and wondered if she could take a child along.  We all agreed that it would be okay set a time to meet.

    To be honest, I don’t remember much about the day (other than we were dragging a little kid every where we went).  I do remember at the end of the day as everyone was headed home, I helped Avia put the child in his car seat.  As she drove off, I couldn’t resist the thought that she would be a great wife and mother one day. Then in a moment, it hit me.  She was the one.  She was the one that I wanted to marry.  For the first time in my life I knew love beyond emotion and childish infatuation.  I was ready to pursue Avia with the intent of marriage.  I had never been drawn in so deep by someone’s character.

    Even though I already knew Avia and her family, I needed to get to know her better.  I didn’t even know if she liked me.  I was conflicted in my thoughts.  I had never pursued a woman where I was intentionally trying to learn more about her character (rather than living off the emotional highs of just liking someone).  I wanted to get to know her, but at the same time I didn’t want to lead her on (I had become better at defining relationships and establishing boundaries).  So I began seeking opportunities to spend time with her and her family.

    The Story Continues: 21 Days of Bond(ing)