Pro 5:15-20 ESV Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. (16) Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? (17) Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. (18) Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, (19) a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. (20) Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?
Dear son, my parents read a book to me when I was little about a little boy who was given a dollar. He met a friend who said he’d give the boy two quarters for the dollar. Two is more than one, the boy reasoned and so he made the trade. Another boy offered him three dimes for his two quarters. Three is more than two, the boy reasoned and so he made the trade. Still another boy offered him four nickels for the three dimes. Four is better than three he reasoned, and so he made the trade. Finally a boy offered him five pennies for his four nickels. Five is more than four he reasoned and so he made the trade. He came home to show his father what he had done and it was then that he realized that with every trade he’d lost value. I’m sure the story was intended to teach us the value of a dollar, but there was a deeper lesson as well. We are often tempted to make bad trades in life and we often don’t value some things like we should.
I cannot emphasizes the value of loving one woman all of your life. There will be moments of temptation that come your way all through your life. It is your duty to guard your heart and pursue your wife. When temptation comes your way count the cost and flee. I know men who have traded their entire life for a moment of pleasure. They traded their wife, their children, their income, their respect, their trustworthiness, and some traded their occupation for a few fleeting minutes of pleasure. There is grace for those who have made this costly trade (Psalm 51), but it’s my prayer that you guard your heart.
Let’s focus in on verse 19-20 for a moment. If you are going to truly value your future wife and pursue the wife of your youth above all it means that you will stay away from sexual relationships outside the bond of marriage. You don’t need any competing memories with your marriage bed. You don’t need any old flames to stir up old passions, jealousy or doubt. This means that you will stay away from viewing pornography. You don’t need to peak into someone else’s bedroom. You don’t need the fantasy of sex without commitment. You don’t need your head filled with false expectations or ideas of how to degrade and exploit women.
What do you do when you have natural urges and you aren’t married yet? Use that energy to go to work in building a life for you and the wife of your youth. Too many young men sit around and play video games into their 30s and beyond. Prepare yourself for marriage so when the right woman comes along you already have a job, have a plan, and are able to be married without living off of someone else.
When you are married and temptation comes your way, never despise your wife. Never for a moment imagine her as cruel for not giving you what you want, when you want it. This is a lie from the devil. Committed relationships take some work. The Devil will always offer you two shiny quarters and tell you that he’ll take that dingy dollar off your hands, but you must know that no matter how shiny the coin he offers you, your dollar isn’t dingy and it is worth way more than he is offering. Commit now to have eyes only for your wife. Count yourself blessed everyday. Do the small things in your relationship well. Kiss her on the way out the door in the morning. Open her door. Treat her like your queen. Speak well of her to your children. Speak well of her to your coworkers. Speak well of her often and never run out of good things to say. Pursue the wife of your youth don’t give your energy or attention to any other and you will be blessed. Sometimes work is the mistress the devil offers instead of another woman. Be careful not to pursue so much overtime that you stop pursuing your wife. (And dear daughter too, look for a man like this).
One last word. There are many lies and perversions in our culture. They are given to you by people with an agenda. I’ll be honest, I have an agenda too. I’m your dad, I want the best for you. You are more than a voter to me. You are more than a consumer to buy my goods. You are more than an opinion in a pole to persuade others. You are my son. My interest in you is greater than what this world offers. I’m on your team. I’m your biggest fan. I love you enough that I will not tell you just what you might want to hear. I will tell you what you need to hear. You are more than sexual appetites and animal lusts. Your identity is greater than your sexual urges. You are a man created in the image of God and you have the capacity to withstand sexual temptation (no matter what shape it takes).
Father, Thank you for my precious children. I ask for your blessing on their lives. I pray for their present and future relationships. I ask you to watch over them in their singleness and in their relationships. I pray that they would seek after you and your blessings. I ask Lord that they would live following your wisdom even when that runs counter to the culture. I pray that my wife and I are examples for them to follow. I ask for your grace to be multiplied to my family as we seek after you. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
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