One night I had a dream. In my dream there stood a small round table with a porcelain stature of Jesus praying. I remembered the statue from my childhood. It was on of the figures that had always been in my parents house.
In my dream there was an open magazine with a picture of Satan. The kind of picture you see at Halloween with a red face, horns, and a pitchfork. Yet the eyes had been cut out and taped on the statue of Jesus.
I was indignant and mad. I can remember saying, “Who has done this thing! Who dares to defile this statue of Jesus? This is blasphemy!” And just at that moment as still, small voice said, “It is you!”
In that moment I understood the weight of my sin before a holy and righteous God and knew that he would be good and right to send me to Hell. I felt in that instant more terror than I have ever known. I was sure that I was going to Hell. Yet I awoke clutching the covers in a silent scream. My mouth hung open, my lungs had sized, my breath was caught in my throat and I was unable to actually produce a sound.
I understood then that I was lost, but tried to rationalize with myself that it was just a dream. I contemplated how silly it would look like for me to admit that I wasn’t even a Christian. Pride keeps many men and women back from what would truly be theirs in Christ.
A while later I was leading a college group through a Bible study on the 7 churches in Revelation. As I studied the scripture I came to the Church at Laodicea (Revelation 3:14-22). What I read changed my life. I realized that I was standing naked before God and instead of trusting in Jesus Christ to remove my sin and my shame I was trusting in works that didn’t really matter to God.
I understood it like this. God had given me a conscience and his word that exposed my wrong motives. Like a mirror would show a person that they are naked and need clothes. But instead of Trusting in Jesus and asking God to change my heart I was trying to answer the guilt over my sin by doing good things. That would be like a naked person painting over a mirror. It wouldn’t really change the fact that they were naked, it would just make it harder to see in the mirror. There was nothing I could do to make myself right with God other than go to Him, tell him I was sorry for what I had done, and ask him to change my life.
I shared with Avia that I was lost and she quoted Isaiah 64:6 confirming that there was truly nothing I could do to make myself right before God other than humble myself and ask for his forgiveness. The next day I met with an evangelist to learn another Evangelism strategy. This one was called Christ-Centered Evangelism and rather than focusing on heaven it focused on Christ.
Brother Ed the Evangelist was teaching me about praying for those who have not yet come to God on his terms and lead me to read Romans 10:1-4. As I read, he could tell something was wrong and he asked me if everything was okay? I couldn’t help but blurt out, “by the witness of these scriptures I am lost. I have a zeal for the things of God, but I don’t truly know Him.”
Later that night after searching my heart, I asked Christ to be the Lord of my Life. I told my pastor and came before my church fully expecting to lose my job. I didn’t care. I wanted everything to be right before God and men.
Jesus Christ changed me. He saved he makes a difference in the way I live. I am not a perfect person. I continually make mistakes, but I know God accepts me based not upon what I have done, but what he has done for me. I want the whole world to have peace with God like I do.
- My Story: A Godly Heritage (Part 1)
- My Story: A Trial that Proves a Faulty Faith (Part 2)
- My Story: Lost in a Religious World (Part 3)
- My Story: Living with Passion and Purpose (Part 5)
For more on the Christian message and how you to can have a relationship with Jesus Christ check out 2 Ways to Live