Tag: Womanhood

What I saw at Picklefish Changed my Life

On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, Manhood, WomanhoodLeave a comment

Pickle FishPicklefish was a restaurant in downtown Mobile.  I used to hang out a lot in downtown Mobile talking to people on the street about Jesus and it didn’t take long for us to find Picklefish, which had a great atmosphere and the best pizza in town.  One of the cool things about the restaurant was that it had a second level where you could sit and watch everybody go by on the street.

One afternoon a group of my friends and I were getting together to hang out in the downtown area.  I invited several people including a beautiful young woman, named Avia.  At the time I thought there was nothing special about inviting her to come along.  I had invited several people from a group (girls and guys) and she was just one that happened to be there.  She said she would try, but had to babysit and wondered if she could take a child along.  We all agreed that it would be okay set a time to meet.

To be honest, I don’t remember much about the day (other than we were dragging a little kid every where we went).  I do remember at the end of the day as everyone was headed home, I helped Avia put the child in his car seat.  As she drove off, I couldn’t resist the thought that she would be a great wife and mother one day. Then in a moment, it hit me.  She was the one.  She was the one that I wanted to marry.  For the first time in my life I knew love beyond emotion and childish infatuation.  I was ready to pursue Avia with the intent of marriage.  I had never been drawn in so deep by someone’s character.

Even though I already knew Avia and her family, I needed to get to know her better.  I didn’t even know if she liked me.  I was conflicted in my thoughts.  I had never pursued a woman where I was intentionally trying to learn more about her character (rather than living off the emotional highs of just liking someone).  I wanted to get to know her, but at the same time I didn’t want to lead her on (I had become better at defining relationships and establishing boundaries).  So I began seeking opportunities to spend time with her and her family.

The Story Continues: 21 Days of Bond(ing)

It helps to be Mr. Right when looking for Mrs. Right: otherwise it’s all wrong

On By pastorjonathanIn Manhood, WomanhoodLeave a comment

So often when it comes to dating and looking for a future spouse,  the focus is on finding the “one person who was made for me.”  I’ve even heard speakers talk about developing a list of qualities you are looking for in a future spouse and stick to the list. That is really not that bad of an idea (depending on how picky your list is).  I actually had a list but the thought occurred to me, “what if I found someone who fit my list, but I didn’t fit theirs?”

At the time  I was being challenged to discover Biblical manhood and womanhood.  It also helped that near the same time I overheard a girl at one of the local colleges talk about her list.  After hearing her list and evaluating her lifestyle I  thought, “there is no way that someone who matched that list would marry her.”  She was just dreaming because her lifestyle wouldn’t attract the guy on her list.  She would either have to change or change her list.

Such thoughts had caused me to come to some serious introspection and I decided to take some time away from the dating scene (because of my failure to come more introspection before dating, I had proven myself a dismal failure as a boyfriend in a relationship throughout college).  I didn’t want to come to the table looking for Mrs. Right and not be Mr. Right.  It was evident there were things that had to change in me.  I was looking for needs to be met by a girlfriend or future spouse that were meant to only be met in God.

I was  unable to obtain Mrs. Right’s list (I didn’t know God would be so kind as to let me marry Avia) and I thought it was a little arbitrary to blindly make a list of qualities in myself that I needed to submit before God.  So I simply asked God for guidance.  In his kindness I was able to rediscover the books of I Timothy and Titus.  I began to use these books as guides to understanding how to become a godly young man. I also began searching out role models in my life.  Men of character and wisdom who would be wise guides and would give me honest feedback about things I needed to submit before God.

In the midst of this I discovered that one of the qualities of leadership is to be a one woman man (I Timothy 3:1, Titus 1:6).  God broke my heart of the disillusionment that I had been keeping this standard because I wasn’t married.  Though I wasn’t even dating at the time, I was putting on pretense in the form of flirtation that lead several young women to think I was interested in them.  Though I was single and not in any type of defined relationship, my failure to clearly define my friendships and my willingness to lead others on was evidence that I was not a one woman man (part of me loved the attention).  The details about what God worked in me and how it came about probably deserve its own post at a later time.  I only bring it up only now because I see many young single men (and women for that matter) who like I did are casting nets of wide spread flirtation in search of someone rather than baiting the hook with godliness.

    Choosing to Date Differently

    On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, Manhood, WomanhoodLeave a comment

    I remember the day that I called my mom and said, “Had I known it would be like this, I would have never dated.  I would have skipped every prom, homecoming, and barn warming dance (a Missouri thing).  I am hopelessly in love with the woman I want to marry and I just now realized that I have wasted my life  trying to be some other girls’ hero… I am ready to be a husband.” That statement represented a huge paradigm shift that took place in my life from being a serial dater to dating with the intent for marriage.

    Over the years God has blessed my wife Avia and I with the opportunity to share with many single people about how we dated (some would call this courtship).  Sadly the story I will share over the next few blog post will sound completely contrary to the dating culture.  I remember my own years of looking for “love” and going about it in all the wrong ways.  I have sat across the table from enough lonely and desperate people to know that things haven’t changed much.

    If you are single and looking for the right way to date hopefully these blog posts will be an encouragement to you about how God can guide you through this time of your life.  My aim is 3 fold.  1. I will be sharing in a story format how Avia and I came to be married.  2. I will be sharing practical principles and steps we took. 3. I will be sharing the scripture that lead us to those principles and steps.

    Stay tuned…. Here are some of the titles of upcoming blog posts

    9 Reflections on Disciple Now (Part 3)

    On By pastorjonathanIn MinistryLeave a comment

    7. Our students were challenged to grow in their relationship with Christ and develop a cosistent habit of going to the scripture on a daily basis.

    8.  Our students were given a frame work for discerning how scripture applies to their lives.  In other words: Implications from passages such as Genesis 1:27 were drawn to how we should value men and women as both being made in the image of God and thus we were equal but different.

    9. Our students were provided to discuss their understanding of manhood and womanhood in a small group of their peers allowing for accountability and encouragement.

    9 Reflections on Disciple Now (Part 2)

    On By pastorjonathanIn Family, Kingdom of God, Manhood, MinistryLeave a comment

    3. Our teenagers glorified God by serving others with the work projects this weekend (They painted a house, built a ramp, hosted a backyard bible club, and took cookies to the home bound).

    4. Our teenagers were given at least one more point of contact with our church family (they stayed in the home of church members and the relationships at Calvary were deepened and  developed as students and adults interacted)

    5. Our Teenagers were given a positive aim for their life and real reason to remain pure (to glorify God in manhood and womanhood!)  Too often the loftiest aim we give our kids is to stay out of trouble… ie… “true love waits” and we fail to provide a positive challenge to our kids to raise the standard.

    9 Reflections on Disciple Now (Part 1)

    On By pastorjonathanIn Manhood, MinistryLeave a comment

    2227885657_25a043b6e5_m The event is over.  The students have gone home and the quiet descends on what was once a room full of chaos and chatter.  The lives that were united for a few hours this weekend have temporarily scattered across Pensacola.  As I pray over the quiet room I recount all the events of the weekend and I can not help but give God the glory for all he has done.

    9 Reflections on Disciple Now 2009

    1. Our teenagers were confronted with the gospel. (One of our students gave her life to Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior!)
    2. Our teenagers were challenged with a biblical definition of manhood or womanhood. (they can no longer live in ignorance of the issue, they must now choose their actions each day based on the knowledge of an existing framework for how men and women can glorify God together).
    3. our teenagers were exposed to a model of successful discipleship where students become teachers (all of our leaders had been through this topic with me before…With the exception of John who has lead his students through similar material).

    Resources on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

    On By pastorjonathanIn books, Family, Manhood, WomanhoodLeave a comment

    15813429181 Since hearing about the upcoming Disciple Now at Calvary, many of you have been asking, “What is Biblical Manhood and Womanhood?” and “Where do I find resources on this stuff?”  Here are just a few things that have come across my radar in the last ten years.

    A great place to start is John Piper’s book “What’s the Difference?“ it was written as an introduction to a much larger volume entitled, “Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.”  You can download a free copy (PDF) of the book here.

    There is also an official website for the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood that is full of free information.  Make sure you check out the resources page.

    Boundless a webzine published by focus on the family has compiled a little book out of various articles they have posted over the years entitled, “Guys Guide to Marrying Well.”

    Of course there is also Men’s Fraternity that was started by Robert Lewis.  Lewis has also written a book for women entitled, “The New Eve.”

    Specifically for the teenager’s, the Rebellution has a great compilation of resources on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. While you are there check out there blog and their incredible book “Do Hard Things.”

    As you will note, each one of these resources is in and of itself a treasure trove of information concerning biblical Manhood and Womanhood.  There are several other great resources out there, but this should be more than enough to get the conversation and thought process started.

    Your Partner in the Gospel,

    PJ