5 Things I Would Tell My Teenage Friends Who Are Dealing With Divorce

I have been working with teenagers ever since I was one.  Though I am aging out I still get to hang out with teenagers on a pretty consistent basis and on occasion I get asked for advice. Sometimes the advice flows out of my experience, sometimes it flows out of maturity (just being able to look back from around the bend with a clear perspective), but most often the advice I like to give comes from the Bible because I have found it to be a reliable and authoritative guide to knowing God and figuring life out.

However, before I dig into what I would say to my teenage friends who are dealing with their parents’ divorce I want to say this: My goal is to help you in your situation.  To that end I won’t be writing about what all the Bible says about divorce.  Rather, I’ll be writing mostly about what the Bible says about you or about parents.

Here is what I would say to my teenage friends who are dealing with their parents’ divorce.

1. You Are Not Alone. Sometimes you may feel like you don’t have anyone to turn to or that anyone gets what you are going through.  I want to encourage you that even in our darkest hour that God is still with us.  Turn to Him, even when you do not know what to say and he will hear the cry of your heart.  Check out Romans 8:35-39.

2. Your Parents Are Still Your Parents. You may see one more than the other, but both are still your parents and you need to honor them both.  Refuse to choose sides and engage in gossip or negative talk.  This means that when you are with your mom, you do not need to gossip about your dad or when you are with your dad you do not need to talk bad about your mom. Check out Exodus 20:12 and Ephesians 4:29.

3. Pray for Your Parents Every Day. God can create human life and change the hearts of kings, He is most certainly able to change the hearts of your parents.  However, your parents may never change how they interact with one another.  Pray everyday for God to comfort you and to give you wisdom in how to interact with your parents.  Check out 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.

4. Forgive Your Parents. You may be holding on to a grudge against your mom or dad or both.  Forgiveness can be tough, but it is necessary.  Forgiving your parents if you hold a grudge allows you to process what has happened and begin to move on with your life.  If you are a believer, then remember how God in Christ forgave you.  While a divorce is certainly a big deal and issues may be compounded by the way one or both of your parents are treating you, you need to start down the path of forgiveness. Check out Matthew 18:21-35.

5. Lean on friends that you can trust. It will be helpful for you to talk about how you feel about your parent’s divorce.  You may need to find a trusted adult or counselor that you can talk to on a regular basis and will encourage you and help you process everything that is going on.  Check out Proverbs 18:24, Proverbs 19:4, and Proverbs 27:9.

To those of you I know Personally: I don’t know what having divorced parents feels like, but I know that things will be different for you and I want to be here for you as a friend while you go through this. My parents were never divorced and so I can’t pretend to know what you are going through.  Though I don’t know how you hurt, I know that you hurt and so I’m here for you.

You may also want to check out what Christian recording artist Britt Nicole has to say about dealing with divorce (her parents are divorced). I linked to an interview with her on this topic that I found on the Lifeway Girls Ministry blog here:  Britt Nicole on Divorce

Join Amazon Prime – Listen to Over a Million Songs – Start Free Trial Now

Join Amazon Student FREE Two-Day Shipping for College Students

3 Things I’d Tell My Teenage Daughter After Watching New Moon

Ok before I start its only fair to say that my daughter isn’t a teenager (she’s almost 4) and I’m really not a fan of Twilight.  But because I was forced to see the movie and I work with teenagers (and I can imagine my daughter being a teenager one day), I went to the movies with the eyes of a father.

Here are three things I’d tell my daughter after we watched New Moon together…

1. You are intensely loved by me and worthy of being pursued one day by the right young man.

My hearts desire is that you follow that path that God has for you.  If that includes marriage, then my hope is in giving you away to the right man.  Until then I will do everything I can for you as a father.  I will chase away the creeps, ask you great questions, and perform background checks on any guy that comes through the front door (ok maybe not the last one…but maybe).  I also promise that if you bring home the right guy you won’t find me cleaning my gun or talking about how people get lost in the Everglades and never come out.  In fact it will be a joy for me to give you away one day.  If you bring home the right guy, I’ll pay for the wedding and rejoice on the day that my princess becomes someone elses queen.

2. Some things appear more urgent than they are.

In the movies Edward says all kinds of nice things to Bella (once you take away the creepy 100 year age difference… please never date a man 100 years older than you… thats a whole new level of creepy).  Everyone enjoy hearing nice things like, “you make life worth living.”  Sometimes words spoken softly and sweetly can be mistaken for love.  Real love is a commitment and it takes time to show up.  Guard your self from giving your heart away to anyone who talks a good game.  This kind of talk can make you think that things are more intimate than they are.

Too many young men are careless with their words.  Many young boys are living life in transition and are mistaken in their feelings or they carry sinister motives and are trying to manipulate you. A young man worth your time will guard his words and will not lead you on.  The woman pursued by solomon in Song of Songs offers some wise advice here.  She says, “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases” (Song of Songs 2:7).  Real love is patient and is evident in a young man’s actions long before it appears in his words.

3. Don’t make strong commitments while your life is in transition.

You have grown up so much from the first time I held you in my arms.  You have learned so much.  Every day of your life I have been amazed by you and I am proud of who you are becoming.  I know one day that if it is God’s will that I will give you away at your wedding.

Right now you are going through a time of transition.  You are no longer a child, but you aren’t quite an adult yet either.  You are changing.  Your body is changing and your thoughts, attitudes, and desires are all changing. It is okay to change.  One of the problems with this time in your life though is that sometimes you may not know what you want.  Or you may want two things.  Like Bella in the movie you may have two guys who like you and you may like them both.

A mature woman will act decisively. Even as you become an adult, when you are uncertain I beg you not to commit yourself to anything until you have figured what you want.  This is the reason for the really unpopular rule about how old you need to be before you can date.  I’ll be honest.  My aim is to give you away on your wedding day both physically and emotionally pure.  I know that purity in your marriage will light an intense fire of intimacy and trust with your husband.

I love you and I truly want the best for you.  That day they handed you to me in the hospital was one of the best days of my life.  Everyday with you had been a joyful adventure. I will always be your father and I will always love you.

  • Tell Me the Story!
  • A Few Thoughts on Fatherhood
  • 3 Annoying things I’m Glad My Parents Did When I was a Teenager
  • Avatar: 3 Things I’d Tell My Teenage Son After Watching Avatar
  • What a Father Says to His Daughter on Valentines Day