Tag: parents

Why Doesn’t Santa Claus Come to Pensacola?

On By pastorjonathanIn Family8 Comments

I’m really kind of passive on the whole Santa issue.  Though we have chosen to emphasize the birth of Jesus and to not teach our kids about Santa Claus . It’s not a big deal kind of thing for us.  If you teach your kids that Santa is real and put extra gifts under the tree it’s not going to ruin my Christmas.

My daughter has always been told that Santa Claus does not exist, but some people pretend that he exists.  She still gets a pile of gifts under the tree, but they come from us and her grandparents.

It really hasn’t been a big dilemma until this year.  This year she is a little wiser.  She knows a little more.  She is 3 years old and will soon be 4.  Now for the first time, and certainly not the last, she recognizes that not everyone is like us.  She has been surrounded by the Santa story this year.  We have watched a few movies as a family about Santa (all the while talking about how its fun to tell stories about Santa, but he is not real), many of our neighbors have Santa themed decorations and some of the other adults in her life (teachers, etc.) have been talking with her about what kind of presents she will get from Santa this year.

She knows what she has been taught by her parents but to a 3 almost 4-year-old there appears to be an overwhelming amount of evidence that Santa exists.  So the other day she asked a question that took me by surprise.  She said, “Daddy, why doesn’t Santa come to Pensacola?”

She had put the evidence together.  Santa was on TV, Santa was on display in our neighborhood, Santa was talked about even by the adults at church, so Santa must be real.  So we told her again that lots of adults like to pretend that there is a Santa Claus and many children believe that he really exists, but that we had promised her before she was born that we would always be a source of truth for her and we would never intentionally mislead her.

In fact one of our core principals and my prayer for her every night is that she would be able to distinguish the truth from a lie.  Over the course of a few conversations the whole Santa issue becomes a great teaching lesson on being able to trust the teaching she was entrusted to and make wise decisions.  I thank God for it and am getting geared up for the next time we have an opportunity to drive home the importance of knowing the truth.

So then her next question pops up. “Are the people who pretend about Santa bad people?” She asks.  Because, you see, the only other picture she has in her little world view right now is that a long time ago a snake in a garden deceived Adam and Eve into believing a lie and that is how sin entered the world.  She also knows that she will be punished if she lies to us.  Her natural conclusion is that people who “lie” or, deceive others into believing something that is not true, are bad people.

Part of me is cheering her on, because I know she has a solid grasp on the story of the fall.  The other part of me is looking for a way to explain why people would pretend in Santa and take delight in getting others to believe he is real.  It’s a difficult positions to be in.  There really isn’t riding the fence on this one.  I either have to lie to her and say that these people are truly misguided (they don’t know that they are deceiving others) or tell her that some of the adults that she looks up to, do bad things just like the rest of us and that is the real meaning of Christmas, Jesus came to be born of a virgin, live a perfect life, die on the cross for our sins, be raised from the dead, and will return for us.  I went with the second option.

What about you?  What do you think about the whole Santa deal?

1.)Is it okay to teach your kids about Santa?

2.)Is it deception to tell your kids that Santa is Real?

3.) Is it ever okay to lie to your kids?

3 Christmas Meditations on Being a Parent (Part 2)

On By pastorjonathanIn Devotional, Family, parentingLeave a comment

2. Mary and Joseph Knew they would have to let go.

I wonder if knowing the destiny of Jesus (at least vaugly) effected the way that Mary and Joseph went about parenting? In a very real way they were forced to come to terms with letting him go.  Letting go can be one of the hardest parts about parenting.

I see parents who are clinging to their children and holding on too tight.  Sometimes this comes from a natural desire to protect their children from harm (there are other reasons).  No one wants to see their children hurt and or know that their child could be in danger.  Yet, some parents take this to an extreme by hampering their children from being able to  spread their own wings.  Sometimes we grow so accustomed to making decisions for our children, that we forget the goal of parenting is to train our children to make their own decisions.

Just like an archer has to let go of the arrow before it sails into the air and finds its mark, Parents are called on to release their children.  I think this happened in a very real way for Mary and Joseph.  They knew their was something special about Jesus from the start.  How do you raise the savior?

How would we parent differently if we knew the destiny of our children?  What if God called them to the heart of darkness a world away?  Would we be prepared to send them? Guide them? even direct them? My prayer is that he does call them there and that we are willing to let go and even send them.

To be honest each day I function on the edge of insanity.  Every time the road is wet and my wife and kids are in a car somewhere without me, I keep the phone close, praying that they are ok.  I could easily become compulsive about the safety of my children.  “No” could easily become the most dominant word in my vocabulary for no other reason than that “No” is safe.  But the joy of parenting isn’t found purely in seeking safety but in the risk of providing direction and  letting go.

3 Christmas Meditations on Being a Parent.

On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, Family, MissionsLeave a comment

One of the biggest concerns of parenting is keeping you children safe.  When you become a parent the world changes.  People you don’t know become STRANGERS (with a dark and sinister motives), electric sockets become LIVE WIRES (that threaten to electrocute your kid) and the stove becomes an INFERNO of DEATH (that threatens to burn or scald your child should they even look sideways at it). Ok… Ok… Maybe I have an overactive imagination, but you get the point.  Part of parenting is keeping kids safe.  It starts with the prenatal vitamins and goes from there.

This is all fresh for me because my wife and I just had the opportunity of welcoming our son (second child)  into the world a few short days ago.  It has been an emotional journey to say the least. Everything about the birth and delivery process was about as routine and casual as having a baby can get.  But as I read the Christmas story over the last few days a few things stuck out to me like never before.

1. Taking on the Risk of Giving (Luke 2:1-7)

For all practical purposes Jesus was born in a homeless shelter.  There was no room for them in the Inn at Bethlehem.  Mary and Joseph were travelers and though it was the place of Joseph’s lineage they were most likely strangers in town.

Mary and Joseph followed God even in the midst of what must have been a scary and troubling situation.  I am inspired by their courage to trust God through temporary circumstances in order to welcome Jesus into this world.  It was risky.  But I guess that is the point I am trying to make.  Jesus didn’t come to be safe, but to save.  Jesus wasn’t Mary and Josephs kid to hold on to, but to give away to the world.

It would be easy to look at my children born under different circumstances thousands of years and miles later and think it is all different for me.  Certainly my children won’t die on a cross for the sins of the world.  But maybe the were intended for more than me.  Psalm 127 compares children to arrows.  Arrows were not intended to remain in the quiver, but to be launched at the Enemy. Maybe children aren’t the kind of blessing you keep, but they are the kind of blessing you give and that involves risk.

The Greatest Stories of the Bible, published by Thomas Nelson

On By pastorjonathanIn books, Devotional, spiritual disciplinesLeave a comment

The Greatest Stories of the Bible by Thomas Nelson Publishing is a remarkable book.  It is a well crafted and organized compilation of 250 of the classic stories told in the Bible.  The Bible stories are shared in the New King James Version and scripture references are provided for further study.  Each story fills about one to three pages. Though it is not a full Bible it does contain the biblical text and provides an excellent resource for families.

The Greatest Stories of the Bible is an attractive book and is decorative enough in nature that it can be left out on the coffee table for regular use. It’s greatest value is its devotional appeal.  The stories are compact enough to be read in families with young children and larger stories are spread over two or three readings.    We will most likely use this as a guide for family devotions over the course of 2010.  The only thing missing for families with really young children are the pictures.

This book makes an excellent resource for family devotional time. If you are looking to share the classic stories of the Bible with your family The Greatest Stories of the Bible is a great resource. The retail price is $29.99 (Hardcover), and is available at places like Amazon for $21.59.

Disclaimer: As a blogger I received a free review copy from the Thomas Nelson’s Book Review Blogger program  (http://brb.thomasnelson.com/ ).  There was no requirement to give it a positive review, just for the reviewer to call it like they see it.

Balancing Ministry And Family (Part 1:Children)

On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, FamilyLeave a comment

My dad was a pastor and church planter while I was growing up.  He would often work a regular job, pastor a small church, and do a bible study and some ground work in a community or ranch (sometimes up to 60 miles away) that would lead to a church plant.  Needless to say he was busy.  (Oh, and I forgot to mention there were four of us kids, all begging for his attention.) Yet, unlike several PK’s (pastor’s kids) I knew my dad always had time for me.  I never felt like I was in competition with the church or the ministry for his time.

http://mrg.bz/FSOPLN

Perhaps this was because my Dad was incredibly gifted in balancing his time.  I still remember the fishing trips to a bend in the river 15 miles outside of town, the fossil hunting expeditions, catching snakes, looking for arrowheads, discovering a dinosaur bone, and pestering him while he worked on the car that always seemed to stay broken.  My favorite memories though are the weekly trips we would take out to a Bible study he was leading.  I was blessed to have a 45 minute ride each way with my dad.  All along the way there we would talk about life.  All the way back we would listen to radio preachers like John MacArthur, Charles Stanley, and Chuck Swindoll.

So then fast forward several years and now I’m an Associate Pastor of Students, taking graduate classes, and have my own little girl looking at both the ministry and my daughter thinking (with all of my other responsabilaties) that there isn’t enough time in the day.  How did my dad ever do it?  Then I realize that he didn’t view his time with me and ministry as in competition, but as a complimentary.  Sure we took special trips to hunt for arrowheads or go fishing (Quality time) but along the way he was sure to get plenty of time (quantity time) with me along the way through taking me along on some of his ministry outings.

So I stole a page from my dad’s playbook when it comes to stretching the hours in a day.  I take my little girl to the sporting events that our students are playing in.  Last week we went to three different games.  She got to watch a basketball game, a race, and a football game all in one week.  With my wife being a stay at home mom and pregnant with baby number 2, this works out well to give her a little personal mom time while Rebekah and I hang out and cheer our students on.

We also schedule consistent father daughter hangout time.  Right now because of her age its usually pancakes at McDonald’s every Friday morning.  She usually hangs out with me after I run in the evenings and I tell her everything I did that day (which has evolved into her telling me about her day… very strange for a 3 year old).  Sometimes I’ll walk instead of run so she can “run” with me around our neighborhood.

How do you ensure that you are spending quality time with your children when you are busy?

Where has the Time Gone?

On By pastorjonathanIn Time Management1 Comment

When I was little Ifreeimages.co.uk photos of objects used to imagine all the free time I would have when I was a grown up and didn’t have homework.  I dreamed of all the places I would go, movies I would watch and fun I would have with all my extra free time.  I thought life would be easier as an adult.  Then came college and I quickly found my self busier than ever and I couldn’t wait to graduate.  Then I graduated and was a full-time student minister at a small church and I couldn’t wait to get married.  Then I got married and couldn’t wait to have kids.  Now I have a kid and one on the way and I remember the days of high school and college when I thought my life was busy. Now school, a half-dozen clubs, a few sports programs and a part-time job look like easy street and I wonder what I did with all my spare time.

I guess I have always had the same 24-hours in a day that every one else has had, it’s just that my responsibilities have multiplied.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining.  I have a beautiful wife that I love more than words can express.  I love my daughter and love to teach and train her in life.  I enjoy my job (well its really a calling to shepherd students and families).  And I really don’t have a desire to go back to high school or college.  I just remember when life was simpler and my priorities seldom ever came into competition with one another.

You see, it’s not really time that I am worried about.  It is the priories and responsibilities that compete for my time.  I don’t want to drop the ball as a husband, father, or pastor.  Really dropping the ball in any one of these areas can have a damaging effect on the others.  I guess the key is balance in spending the right time in the right area’s of my life so that I know I have given my best to God, my wife, my children and those I am given charge over.

These next few days I will be blogging on time, responsibility, and balance from a my perspective.  I will share some of the tips, insights, struggles and resources I have discovered along the way.  I realize life is a journey and I haven’t arrived yet.  Feel free to comment and share how you use the time, care for your responsibilities, balance your life or resources that you have found helpful.  I look forward to learning as well as sharing.

Grace,

Jonathan

http://www.twitter.com/pastorjonathan

Review: The Well-Behaved Child

On By pastorjonathanIn books, Family2 Comments

THE Well-Behaved ChildThe Well-Behaved Child: Discipline that Really Works! by John Rosemond is a great resource for parents who are looking for practical advice, tips, and proven strategies for disciplining their children with in the ages of three to thirteen.   The premise of the book, and consequently Rosemond’s disciplining strategies, is simple: children are bad.  That is, their default nature is to misbehave.  He proposes that obedient children are happy children.   According to Rosemond, it is essential that parents recognize this and address the errant behavior in children rather than trying to rationalize it or understand it.  His no nonsense parenting as leadership approach is a breath of fresh air in a world where parents are scared to effectually discipline their kids for fear of scaring them mentally.

Throughout the book Rosemond dispels many popular myths that are based more on misapplication of popular psychology rather than on factual studies with real children.  One such myth he exposes is that the reward system often employed by parents is good dog training, but poor child training.  In place of popular myth, he offers tried and true techniques and practices that will help your child be a better behaved, happy, and ready to meet the real world one day outside your home (where the boss isn’t likely to jump to the reward system for poor behavior).

The one thing this book really misses though is the spiritual teaching side of discipline.  From a Christian parent’s perspective, I find it crucial to discuss matters of the heart, grace, forgiveness, and restoration as part of the disciplining process.  Though the book does contain a few scripture quotations, it is largely missing the heart component, which in my estimation, makes all the difference in the world.

For parenting there are better tools available, but this book serves its purpose well in providing effective strategies for discipline.  The Well Behaved Child is an excellent resource. The retail price is $24.99 (Hardcover), and is available at places like Amazon for $16.49. I gave it four stars.

Disclaimer: As a blogger I received a free review copy from the Thomas Nelson’s Book Review Blogger program  (http://brb.thomasnelson.com/ ).  There was no requirement to give it a positive review, just for the reviewer to call it like they see it.