Tag: parents

How To Make Good Friends: A True Friend Will Bring Out The Best In You

On By pastorjonathanIn Family, parenting, SermonLeave a comment

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. (Proverbs 27:9 ESV)

There is something pleasant about what I like to call, “smell good.” There is cologne, perfume, and body spray all designed to get you smelling good. Then there are air fresheners, scentsy pots, candles, etc. all designed to get a room or a space to smell good. My favorite is coffee. I have an automatic coffee pot that goes off in the morning and part of waking up is noise of the grinder and the smell of Starbucks brewing in the kitchen. Those aromas are welcoming scents. You smile because the room is pleasant to be in, the person next to you smells like flowers or a forest, and you know you are about to get a cup of coffee.

A good friend is like that. You smile when you see them, because you know that you are about to get good advice from them. They know you. They know what your goals in life are. They know what you need. When you are confused and don’t know what to do… they remind you of who you are.  When you are scared because you don’t think you will do well or are good enough, they remind you about what you have already overcome.

advice on friendship

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17 ESV)

You probably don’t know much about ancient metallurgy so I’ll help you out here. You used to use something iron to sharpen iron. By scraping two swords together for example it made both sharper… it didn’t make them duller. That’s how a good friendship works. You bring out the best in each other. You share what you’ve read in your quiet time and it challenges the other one to get serious about their quiet time. They share about an encounter they had at school where they got to share the gospel and you start looking for ways to share at your school.

The coolest thing I ever got to see was there was a youth group who went to about 12 different schools who decided that their first group of friends was going to be each other. This was difficult since they didn’t see each other every day at school.  So one would have a birthday party and they would invite the whole youth group! It was hard to tell what was a birthday party and what was a youth group activity. This group challenged one another to read their bibles and study the word. They raked widow’s yards, they hung out at each other’s houses after church. They went to camp together and mission trips together and then they went their separate ways. Some went to college, some went to work, all but one not only go to church, but are leaders in their church in some way. One is a music minister, a couple are youth ministers, one is a Christian counselor, Several are teachers and coaches, some are on the mission field, some are nurses that do medical mission trips every year…

They’ve all moved on in their life and friendships have changed as is the course of things, but when they run into each other and when they do get together there is so much joy and laughter. There isn’t a bunch of regret.

Recently I ran across a guy I knew several years ago and he couldn’t look me in the eye. He had done something terrible in the past to hurt someone I love. He didn’t know if I knew or not (I knew). As soon as he saw me you could see the shame cover his face. He still lives with the regret today. I bet if he could take back that moment, he would. He made a very clear choice in the 6th grade about what type of friends he would have and as a result he ended up in something worse than a “kitten killing” type situation that really has caused a lot of damage in his own life and in the lives of others.

The question is, what will you do? What type of friends will you put on that first level?

 

Why Your Parents Care About What Kind of Friends You Have

On By pastorjonathanIn Family, Uncategorized1 Comment

Nobody wants to be rejected. When I was in middle school, it was cool to have jeans with holes in the knees. You could actually buy jeans with holes already in the knees! Some manufacturers also sold jeans with reinforced knees that were more difficult to rip. Guess which kind of jeans my mom bought?… I had to work extra hard to put holes in the knees of those jeans.

So tearing up a pair of jeans to fit in and making your mom mad is one thing, but what if something larger is at stake? What if in the process of looking for the acceptance by others, you lose a part of yourself? What if you give up more than you gain? What if next year you don’t know those people anymore but you still carry scars from the stuff you’ve done?

You see I’ve lived through that. I’ve been the new guy at school desperate to make new friends. I’ve felt isolated like everyone was staring at me and been in social situations where I was just praying for someone to rescue me from my isolation. Just someone to talk to so I didn’t feel so…. weird.

Finally someone walks over and asks you a few questions. Part of you is relieved that you are at least talking, another part of you wonders if this isn’t part of some cruel joke? Then they say something you know you should disagree with like “let’s all go murder a bunch of helpless kittens.” And the one thing you swore you would always be against, you find yourself invited into. You have a choice to make: do you violate your conscience and join them in murdering kittens or do you risk another hour of social awkwardness?

Your friends probably aren’t tempting you to murder kittens. It’s more like gossip. Maybe its drug related or pressure to do sexual things to fit in. It could be looking at dirty pictures or watching movies that you know you’re not supposed to watch. Hanging out in places your parents told you not to go. Some of you “feel” this need to be accepted so deeply that something that you were normally against you would now go and watch, observe, participate in just so you would not feel awkward.

The irony is that even though you feel it so intensely, the moment of social isolation will pass and may even be forgotten, but you will carry the scars left by the destructive things you have done with your friends.

That’s how it happened for me. It wasn’t murdering kittens, it was underage drinking. I knew my grandfather was an alcoholic. But when a friend said, “let’s go get drunk.” I caved under the pressure. Then one night they put a fifth of vodka in my hand and said, “drink this.” I downed it faster than it takes most people to drink a soda at their favorite fast food restaurant. That was probably enough alcohol to kill me. If I had been a smaller person I would have died that night. As it was, I threw up and they threw me in the back of a pickup without my clothes. When I passed out and they couldn’t wake me up, they propped me up against a dirty toilet in a filthy bathroom with a space heater. It’s a miracle that I woke up at all the next day.

I don’t have those friends anymore, but I do carry the scars around from what did while I was with them. That day I realized I needed to make a change in my life, I needed better friends. I didn’t realize it then, but I realize now I was learning Proverbs 13:20 the hard way.

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. (Proverbs 13:20 ESV)

Have you ever felt pressure to fit in? There are somethings worse than being socially awkward. Your parent’s care about what kind of friendships you have because they know that your friends have the capacity to pull you up or pull you down. They also know that you most likely won’t keep your friendships, but you will keep the scars (or trophies) from what ever you and your friends did together. If you don’t have good friends now consider praying and asking God to bring some incredible people into your life.

 

Raising Kids Who Don’t Remember Jesus

On By pastorjonathanIn FamilyLeave a comment

BibleRead-2They have heard about him. They know his stories. They know what he’s done for us. They sing songs about him. They have asked him to forgive their sins. They have been baptized in his name. They have memorized his words. They have done good works in his name. They have more information about him at their fingertips than any other generation, yet they don’t remember him. How does someone so saturated with Christianity loose the very essence of the one they call Savior? How do you claim a sense of what it is to be Christ-like, but have no memory Christ?

What am I talking about? It’s the Lord’s Supper. The essential part of church life that emphasizes the gospel, what it means to trust Christ, and most of all where we REMEMBER him. It’s a common meal where we all participate by receiving elements that represent the blood and body of Jesus and in doing so we ALL TOGETHER acknowledge his sacrifice and eminent return.

I see lots of believers, especially believers with children skipping out on this thing that Jesus actually said to do in rememberance of him. Is it possible to teach our children about Jesus, but to not remember him? Can we have them sit for a family devotional and prayer, sit in Children’s Church, sit close by as we go and minister, and somehow not teach them to sit for a moment to examine their life and remember Jesus?

I get it. There is a long list of excuses on why not to get the kids our of children’s church or return for a special evening service. They haven’t made a profession of faith yet – (They need to see that they are left out and apart from Christ. This physical illustration of restricting your kids from taking the Lord’s Supper will do more to teach them this reality than you words alone). Kids are really hard to keep still and quiet in church (It’s always been this way, but there are very few things in life they learn from lack of experience and this isn’t one of them).  They are in children’s church, I don’t want to interrupt the lesson.  (Can you make a children’s lesson more profound than the experiential, tangible, visible, and tastable lesson set before us in the elements of the Lord’s Supper? First as an outsider observing everyone else and then prayerfully as a believer who also professes faith in Christ.) Think about it, with the Lord’s Supper you see with your own eyes all your brothers and sisters professing that their hope is in Christ alone for salvation? We see that God provided the ultimate bread from heaven, and that we don’t live by bread alone, but by his very Word! We see that Jesus truly is the vine and we are the branches, that he is the head and we are united as the body! We see that it is only through his brokenness that we can be made whole.

Perhaps a more sober thought is, “What do I implicitly teach my kids by not participating in the Lord’s Supper myself and not bringing them in to join me?” I think the answer is clear. You teach with your actions (which speaks louder than words) that you don’t have to obey every request command of Christ and you teach that they don’t have to shouldn’t remember Jesus in this way because it’s not important.

We do a lot for our kids, everything from organic food to baseball practice. We sit through dance recitals and agonize with them over homework. We do our best to teach them about our faith and to honor God, Why wouldn’t we prioritize the Lord’s Supper?

For I received from the Lord what I also delivered to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it, and said, “This is my body which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way also he took the cup, after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.” For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.  – (1 Corinthians 11:23-26 ESV)

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A Must Read for Christian Parents

On By pastorjonathanIn books, discipleship, Family, parentingLeave a comment

Rock-Solid KIDS by Larry Fowler is a must read for Christian parents, Children ministry directors, Pastors and even youth pastors.  The book outlines a Biblical premise for ministry to children starting in the home and supplemented by the church.  The book is full of biblical wisdom and key insights.

The author didn’t share anything new or unfamiliar to me as a father, but did reaffirm several things my wife and I have sought to do as parents. That being said, I do highly recommend this book for three reasons:  It is brief, It is well written, and It contains the best chapter on sharing the gospel with children that I have ever read.

The book is only 142 pages, yet it packs punch.  You won’t find any wasted words or long diatribes.  Author Larry Fowler has done an outstanding job of  keeping the message simple and straightforward. The 8th chapter on sharing the gospel with children is one of the clearest and most straightforward I have ever read.  The 8th chapter alone is worth the market price of the book.  As a parent I’m grateful to our Minister to children for putting it in my hands.

I  highly recommend Rock-Solid KIDS to anyone who has influence in the lives of kids.  I can see it being especially helpful and encouraging for parents and ministers to children. The retail price is $17.99 (hardcover), and is available around the web in places like Amazon.com for $14.03.  I gave it five stars.

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Dads, Daughters and Date Days

On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, dating, Family, Manhood, parenting, WomanhoodLeave a comment

Right around 5-years ago I became a dad.  The nurse handed me this precious little baby girl and I knew that it would all be different from that day forward.  My life had changed and all the sudden I felt the pressure to not to drop the ball.

Now She is almost 5-years-old and smarter than I ever imagined a 5-year-old being.  She knows me well.  To be honest, sometimes its uncomfortable.  She doesn’t come with a filter.  In fact that’s what a lot of parenting is… introducing a filter.

Just being gut level honest… It’s not easy to introduce a filter and help your kids process life.  Most of the time the easy thing to do is to go cut the grass (because its over due and you wonder what your neighbors are thinking about your un-kept yard), or read a book (because you need some quiet time after they have tugged on our arm and said, “Dad” a million times in a row just to get you to look at their newest drawing and act like its the best thing since Michael Angelo), or Watch TV while your kid takes an hour long bath and shrivels up like a prune (because you’ve had a long day dealing with other peoples problems… not to mention your own).  Its actually quite easy to just show up, give out a hug, maybe play a token game or two with your kid, talk to your wife, go to bed and do it all over again tomorrow without ever really parenting.

To be completely honest.  I don’t always succeed at taking advantage of all the “dad” moments that I could.  But I know I need to.  I know that I love my kids (no matter how many times they say “dad” in a row while I’m trying to figure out the algebra problems I’ve created  in the check book). I know that they need me.  I know that I don’t want to wake up 20 years from now living with regrets on how I wasted these formable years because someone else said, “that’s normal” or “that really never messed up my kid.” (After all they aren’t accountable for how I raise my kids).

So we have set some things in place in my family in order to capitalize on these younger years with my daughter.  I tuck her in bed most nights and read 1 or 2 stories to her from her Jesus Story Book Bible .  We also pray together.

On some Sunday afternoons we are more intentional.  We have this 105 picture set of pictures describing events in the Bible.  She picks out several pictures and I walk her through the story and how it relates to Jesus and obedience to God.  She looks forward to our time on Sundays and its often in this context that we process how the stories tell us about who God is and how we can relate to Him through our decisions.

My favorite part of the week is taking her out for breakfast once a week before school, we call it a Father-Daughter date.  The regular scheduled time gives me a solid hour of quality time with her.  We do everything from eating pancakes, talking about our her week, sharing ideas on how to color a picture, reading books, to picking up a small gift or surprise for my wife and her mom.  Its often in the context of this date that I get opportunities to share about Jesus with folks we meet there.

Its the date days that I really think my daughter gets to see the fullest picture of her dad.  There is no topic off limits and she often brings up some great questions.  We process life together and I intentionally help unmask the world around her through the lens of scripture. Sometimes we talk to people, sometimes we pray with people, and sometimes we just enjoy pancakes and a good story.

You see, here is what I know.  My daughter reads my actions better than my intentions. So it makes sense that I would be intentional about my actions.  I say that church is a family event, yet when we get there I am pulled a million different places (as I should be) because I’m on staff at the church.  So we arrive together and leave together on purpose (even though it would be more convenient not to).  I say I love her, so I am intentional about spending quality and quantity one-on-one time despite having a hectic and busy schedule.  I say I love Jesus, so I intentionally help her process her world through the lens of scripture.

I want her to know me.  I want her to know that I love her.  I want her to know that I am proud of her.  I want her to know that as a father I will do what is best for her.  Its really not about my good intentions, its about intentionally being a dad. I hope one day she looks back on her childhood and treasures the times we talked over pancakes as much as I do.

What about you?  What are some of the things that you are intentional about with your children?

 

The Jesus Storybook Bible (Review)

On By pastorjonathanIn Devotional, Family, parentingLeave a comment

I really like the Jesus Storybook Bible Deluxe Edition.  I’ve been reading it to my4 year old daughter on a pretty regular basis.  Most storybook bibles we have come across grossly leave out important details, this one however, remains truer to the text than any I have ever seen while at the same time driving home the story of Jesus from Genesis to Revelation.  This storybook Bible presents a clear and accurate Biblical theology on a child’s level.

Since our children are younger we’ve started using it for family devotions in the evening before bath and bed.  My daughter loves it and begs for me to read the next story.  We have the deluxe edition which comes with CD’s of David Suchet reading the stories (like in the video’s below).  If you have kids or grand-kids I would highly recommend getting your hands on a copy of the Jesus Storybook Bible.  The retail price is $25, but I got mine from amazon.com for $16.49.  I gave it 5 Stars.

Zondervan has put out a few video’s where you can get a glimpse of how the stories read.  I have included them below for your viewing pleasure.

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Wandering in the Dessert (Review)

On By pastorjonathanIn discipleship, Family, parentingLeave a comment

Wanderin’ in the Desert (3rd Disc from What’s in the Bible with Buck Denver) is a fascinating yet educating program.  I watched it with my four year old daughter and we talked about the program.  I was really impressed with the material on two levels.  On one level I was impressed with how much content was packed into the two 30 minute shows.  It is clear that the creators were intent on presenting a conservative view of scripture (for which I am deeply appreciative).  They also took great care to answer relevant questions on kid friendly level. On a second level , I was impressed with how the writers took care to draw the information to a simple point of real application.  Not only was there information about the reliability of scripture, but there was a subtle yet evident plea to trust the God of the Scripture.

My daughter, though she was able to retain a lot of information from the program, was impressed on a different level.  The program was fast paced enough to keep her attention all the way through.  She really enjoyed the songs making me play them over and over for her.  After the program I asked her several questions and she responded pretty well.

Overall I was highly impressed with the 3rd disc as I have been with the whole series to date.  The only draw back was that in between segments it shows a little boy (puppet) talking a little disrespectfully to his mother who is silent and off camera.  I discussed this with my daughter as an example of behavior that I expect her not to emulate. Beyond that the whole production is pretty amazing.  I would highly recommend it to parents and grandparents to watch and review with their children.  I can see it being a great resource for bible lessons!  I give it four stars.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a DVD of this program free from Tyndale House Publishers as part of their Tyndale Blog Network. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Review: Dad’s Bible (NCV)

On By pastorjonathanIn booksLeave a comment

Dad’s Bible: The Father’s Plan (affiliate link) is a NCV Bible with special notes written by Robert Wolgemuth geared towards fathers.  There is also a NCV Mom’s Bible: God’s Wisdom for Mothers (affiliate link) written by Bobbie Wolgemuth geared for mothers.  I really enjoyed reading my Dad’s Bible this past week.  The Bible is very user-friendly assuring that it is a good gift for dad’s who are new to reading the Bible.  The New Century Version is a very easy to read version and there are several explanatory notes that help the reader to understand cultural nuances.  The Articles by Robert Wolgemuth do a great job of illustrating the main principle of the text.

I would highly recommend this Bible to new dads and dads who are new to reading the Bible.  I imagine that it will make a great father’s day gift for dad’s who are just beginning to get interested in spiritual things.  It also makes a great reading bible, though I wouldn’t suggest it for in-depth study.  Originally I was planning on giving my copy away, but I ended up liking it so much I may end up using it on a regular basis as a reading Bible.

If you are interested in purchasing a copy of Dad’s Bible: The Father’s Plan  (affiliate link), the retail price is $29.99 (Hardcover), and is worth every penny.  It is also available at places like Amazon.com for $19.79 (affiliate links).  I gave it four stars.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book (affiliate link) free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their Book Review Blogger program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

3 Things You Should Know About My Mom

On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan1 Comment

I haven’t always been the best son.  I have a better mom than I deserve.  She has been and continues to be a great mom.  I’m all grown up now, but I will never miss a chance to get one of her hugs.  Next to my dad she has had more influence on my life than anyone else.  There are 3 things she does with her influence that radically shapes my life.

1. She Prays for Me

Growing up I remember that she prayed for me in family devotional time.  I also remember passing by my parents room and hearing my parents pray for all of us children.  I remember as a teenager coming home drunk one night and passing by her room and hearing her call out to God on my behalf.  One time she got with some ladies and asked God to birth a desire in me and provide a way for me to go back to school (and He did). I wasn’t there, but I’m sure my mom prayed for me before I was born (maybe even before I was conceived).  I believe God answers prayers, I’ve seen Him answer my mothers time and time again.  I am thankful for a mother who asked God for me and clung to promises when I was in the midst of rebellion.  I haven’t always been the best son.

2. She leads me to love the Bible

I remember a kids devotional book with a raccoon on the front (I don’t have a clue why a raccoon was on a kids devotional book).  My mom made sure that in addition to our family devotional time that I began to develop a daily time in Gods word through the aide of this little book.  Later it would be the purchase of an “encounter” teen bible complete with devotionals in the back.  It was in this Bible that I would first document that I thought God might be calling me into ministry.

Beyond equiping me, she was in God’s word every morning too.  Often getting up early to read the bible and do her woman’s devotionals.  I remember several mornings waking up to use the bathroom and find my mom in the living room spending time reading her bible.  I knew she wanted me to get in the habit of reading God’s Word because she was in the habit.  I have a better mom than I deserve.

3. She speaks truth

Several times my mother has spoken with a prophet’s voice in my life.  The time I remember the most was the 16 hour car ride down to college.  She knew I was going into student ministry and took a moment to challenge me.  She said, “Jon, there are a lot of student ministries that are built around games and just hanging out, don’t lead one of those student ministries.  You teach the word.  Love people enough to tell them about Jesus.”  I really took her advice and a study of God’s word is what ultimately brought me to my own true conversion and trust in Christ.

I can imagine that there were countless times as I was growing up that my mom was biting her lip wondering If I would get it.  If I would really listen.  If I would receive the blessings she was giving me.  I am sure there were times that she felt like she was defeated.  I was a very strong willed child.  But she has always had the last say.  Her words even now hang in the air and influence me long after she has said them.  She has been and continues to be a great mom.

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: (Proverbs 31:26-28 ESV)

Communicating With Children: 5 Ways to BLESS your kids

On By pastorjonathanIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Be Available

This means removing distractions, like the phone, television, computer, etc.  This isn’t always face to face interaction.  Sometimes it can be enjoying a hobby or meal together.  It may involve a late night session of learning how to play Rock Band.  The point is to be available.

Level appropriate

When choosing how to interact with your child remember to keep it on their level.  I made the mistake of trying to teach my daughter tennis at the tender age of four and expecting her to be responsive to my techniques.  She quickly taught me that I needed to be on here level, so we reduced tennis to some basic motor skills and hand eye coordination with a racket and made a really fun game of it (we didn’t even worry about the net… which is where I started).

Her dance instructors are amazingly sharp at getting on her level.  In a few short lessons she knows more about dance than I would have ever hoped to learn.

Empathetic

Try to imaging the world from the eyes of your child (especially if they are younger).  We made the mistake of letting our daughter watch Scooby Doo.  Everything seemed fine during the day, but at night she was seeing “creepy” monsters and ghosts all over the place.  Not so much because scooby do is Evil (they do reveal the real culprit at the end of each show), but because she has an active imagination.  Things that seem harmless to us can be scary to our children.  Things that seem clear to us can be confusing to our children.  Its important that we try to remember or understand what life is like on their level.

Straight forward

Somewhere many of us have adopted the idea that it would be a good idea to persuade our kids what they should do instead of telling them what to do.  You may catch yourself dropping hints instead of giving actual commands.  We’ve found that stating the obvious really goes along way towards moving your child to be productive.  If you want something done like having the trash taken out, a room cleaned, home work done, etc.  Be direct.

Simple

Sometimes we forget that what is clear to us, may not be clear to our kids.  Not only is it important to be direct, but be simple.  Sometimes what appears as disobedience our kids part is really a lack of clarity on our part.  Here are a few basic tips for clarity.

1. use simple language (make sure your kids know what you are saying)

2. Provide direction.  ” You can’t be in your brother’s room right now. You can play outside or in your toy room, which one would you like to do?”

3. Give options, but not to many. Notice there were only two options above.  This gives your child room to make a decision about playtime.  We intentionally limit the options.  Too many options stifle the decision making process.