Pro 21:9, 19 NKJV Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. … (19) Better to dwell in the wilderness, Than with a contentious and angry woman.

Dear Son and Daughters, I knew a man who married a woman who had a lot of problems. He thought he was her knight in shinning armor and he’d fix all her problems. He thought if he married her he’d take care of all her problems. But marriage doesn’t work that way. After they were married she still had all her problems. Finally he was so exhausted of trying to be everything for her that he simply quit trying. He just bore her nagging and complaining. To this day he is a bitter old man who is married to a nagging wife who still expects him to do everything for her. There is no peace in their house, even when company is over. He’d rather be outside, in the elements than be home with a woman who is angry all the time.

I suppose both the man and the woman could have gone about things differently. This woman wasn’t likely to change, her husband would always be picking up the pieces, and one day he never envisioned the day that he’d get tired of picking up the pieces. He didn’t see it then, but he sees it now. Marriage doesn’t fix or change people it amplifies the character traits and flaws we already have. The only one who can change how they behave is you.

I also know of a man who worshipped his job. He felt valued and appreciated there and so he worked all the overtime he could. He left his young wife at home with their young children. She rarely ever had any other adult conversations and it seemed like he was never home. When he was home she was bitter all the time. He had done an excellent job providing for his family, but he had done a poor job caring for his wife and children. He didn’t realize the contention at home was something he created. Rather than home being a haven, home became hostile because he forgot to nurture the most important relationships in his life.

The home should be a haven for both husband and wife. It should shelter and nurture both partners. You should seek to make the environment of your home a place where you want to be with your spouse. Too often one partner chases the other out of the house by creating a hostile environment of nagging, nitpicking, and rage. There is something wrong with both husband and wife when a man would rather be outside in the bitter elements than at home with his wife. The way out of that situation is to avoid it to begin with. Before you get married make sure you can navigate difficult issues together and once you are married seek to nurture your relationship with one another.

Look up and agree to Ephesians 5 as being a baseline for your marriage.

Father, Thankyou for the gift of raising my children. I pray that they live in households filled with love built on the solid rock of Jesus Christ. Give them grace to find the right sort of spouse and grace to live in peace and harmony with one another. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

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Pro 20:3-5 NKJV [It is] honorable for a man to stop striving, Since any fool can start a quarrel. (4) The lazy [man] will not plow because of winter; He will beg during harvest and [have] nothing. (5) Counsel in the heart of man [is like] deep water, But a man of understanding will draw it out.

Dear Son, It’s easier to start a fight than it is to walk away. I know because I started too many and walked away from too few growing up. The middle knuckle on my right hand hold a scar left by the tooth of one of my friends. A fool told me that my friend had pushed me into my locker on purpose. I chased him down the hall to ask why he pushed me and another fool said the word, “Fight!” By the time I caught my friend it seems like the whole school crowded around and chanted that word, “Fight! Fight! Fight!”... I should have walked away at that moment because there was no real reason to fight. That would have been the honorable thing to do, or perhaps not even walk down that hallway. But I didn’t do the honorable thing that day. I struck my friend in the mouth, cut my knuckle, was sent home, got suspended, and still carry the scar to this day.

Fights aren’t just physical. Some folks can create tension in regular work environments by what they say. They offer verbal jousts trying to get a rise out of others. They pick at you and pick at you and should you give into your baser instincts you’d punch them back, but you may have enough resolve to want to keep your job that you don’t physically retaliate, but you offer your own verbal jousts in return. Any fool can enter into such a war of words or picking, but it takes a man with character to walk away when he is being verbally assaulted.

Sometimes you’ll be the one who in your heart of hearts wants to start a quarrel over a minor issue. Maybe someone else left a project incomplete or has made your job harder. You’ll be tempted to curse their name loudly, to gossip about their irresponsibility, or malign their character with your words. You’d do well to remember that any fool can start a fight, but it takes a man to walk away from one. These fights are best avoided when they are never started.

Sometimes its actually harder for fight for peace by walking away than it is to punch someone or say something. The ultimate model we have of a man of peace like this is Jesus who even though he was reviled and mocked willingly went to the cross for our sins. My prayer is that you grow to be more like Jesus every day.

Father, thank you for the grace of speaking to my children. I pray that you will cause them to be a men and women of peace. Let them be so filled with character that when I fight comes to their doorstep they are able to pursue peace. I pray that you give them cooler head and a greater perspective. I ask for a character of godliness to be developed in each child. May your grace ever be present in their lives. In Jesus name, Amen.

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