Category: parenting

Halloween and the Great Commission: Why My Kids Dress Up for Candy, but Don’t Pretend in Santa

On By pastorjonathanIn Family, Just Thinking, parentingLeave a comment

Just so you know, I don’t think holidays are evil.  But some Christians do have a hard time navigating the holidays.  They are troubled by Jack-o-lanterns, Santa Claus,  and the Easter bunny.  I guess we could add a few more holidays to the list, but we will keep it down to the big 3 just for the sake of time.

Why its a big deal: No doubt somewhere somebody once told you that all the “Christian” holiday’s  like Christmas and Easter are really just “pagan holidays.”  Christmas wasn’t really on December the 25th and that the Easter bunny is all about fertility, being twitter-pated, new life and stuff.  I know, I know, its disappointing to have your whole Christian holiday stuff upset by some great big “pagan conspiracy.”  Why did they have to go pick the “Christian” holidays, why couldn’t they have hijacked some other holiday like Grandparents Day? No, the pagans had to come and take our Christmas and Easter. Or did they?…

How it might of actually started:  I think it’s the Pagans that should be upset that we are talking so much about Jesus around their holidays.  I guess that’s how it really started.  Some pagan got up to say, “through these winter months we look with joy to the new life of spring,”  and a Christian in the room stood up and said, “let me tell you about how God loves us and when the world was dark and cold, God came in the flesh and dwelt among us.”  And later in the spring when they were sitting around talking about how new life springs out of dead things a Christian got up and said, “They killed Jesus, but he rose from the dead three days later!” All of the sudden these pagan holidays centered around pagan ideas were hijacked by Christians telling their wonderful stories about the incarnation and the resurrection of Jesus.  Yes, my friends, it is the pagans who have had their holidays hijacked… not the Christians.  Truth be told, I don’t know why we have a Christmas tree (nor do I care), but I do know why we have a manger.

The Real Danger: The real danger with “Christian” holidays is that we only think about the incarnation (birth of Jesus) and resurrection on holidays.  SEC football is a bigger threat to my kids than Santa Claus because I’m an Auburn fan.  The real danger is that I might look more excited about football for 4 months out of the year than I am about what Christ has done in my life.  The question isn’t, “do I make Christmas about Jesus or Santa?” The real question is, “do I make all of my life about Jesus?”  The real evil would be to tell my kids Santa isn’t real, tell the truth about Jesus, but forget about Jesus the other 11 months out of the year.

A Way Forward: I say we hijack all the holidays for the sake of the gospel… starting with Halloween.  I know it’s scary; kids all dressed up like witches and demons and stuff.  But think about it, when was the last time you were invited and expected to knock on every door in your neighborhood? (and rewarded with candy I might add!) It’s how we met most of our neighbors beyond just a few doors down.

You see there aren’t any front porches in my neighborhood, or side walks, or parks, most people park the car in the garage,  all of our backyards have 6 foot privacy fences, and most of our houses have TVs and computers so we never have to see each other.  But once a year, Halloween changes that and kids come to our house and we take our kids through the neighborhood. Halloween has become an avenue for relationships which is the avenue for the gospel.

I know, I know, your scared that the secret origins of Halloween now have a dark hold over my kids… Can I just say, “It’s not so.”  We serve a risen Savior who beat death, and destroys demons.  We dabbled more in the spirit world when we obeyed God, packed our bags and moved our family to Pensacola (trust me, my daughter had more nightmares and we wrestled through more demonic stuff in our obedience than we ever have with her dressed as a Strawberry).  It’s time that we worry more about the mission than the top-secret pagan origins of a holiday.

Where to draw the line:  I think the line on holidays looks different for each family.  We draw the line at deception or dishonesty to our kids.  We teach our kids that Santa  and the Easter bunny are not real.  We also teach that Satan and his demons are real.  Most importantly we teach that Jesus Christ has conquered death and is stronger than any demon will ever be.  One of our core values is the ability to discern truth from error.   We still teach a healthy amount of pretend and play.  Because we aim for this balance of truth and pretend we are a little weird.  The things we draw the line on are probably different than you family and that’s okay (you can be weird too!)

Really Woolly Bible Stories (children’s book review)

On By pastorjonathanIn books, Family, parentingLeave a comment

Really Woolly Bible Stories is a collection of 16 Bible stories, illustrated for young children and told in a few short stanzas of rhyme.  Really Woolly Bible Stories is a great introduction to important bible stories for infants and toddlers.  I appreciate the padded hardback nature of the book ensuring that it can tolerate a gumming by your youngster.  Of course you know nothings fool-proof once your child gets those first teeth.  None-the-less this book is set up for the usual wear and tear that accompanies an active nursery.

I feel that this book does a great job of balancing accuracy with age appropriate censorship.  For example while covering the ten commandments the writer states, “Mind your parents, do not kill.  If you we, your vows fulfill.”  Which given in the context of infants and toddlers is a good introductory statement to what it means to commit adultery (break a promise that you made when you got married), without broaching a larger subject that is implied in the command.

I recommend Really Woolly Bible Stories to parent and grandparents of infants and toddlers.  Your kids will enjoy the thick pages, the art work and hearing you rhyme the stories.  Hopefully, along the way you will plan kernels of truth in the lives of the children you care about.   The retail price is $9.99 (padded board book), and is available around the web in places like Amazon.com. I gave it four stars.

If you are looking for a really great Childrens Bible, check out the Jesus Story Book Bible.  I can’t recommend it enough.  We have read through ours several times now.

Here are some other childrens books and resources I also like…

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson as part of the BookSneeze program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

5 Things I’d Tell my Teenage Daugher after listening to “Teenage Dream” by Katy Perry

On By pastorjonathanIn dating, Family, parenting, student ministry, Womanhood2 Comments

Ok before I start its only fair to say that my daughter isn’t a teenager (she’s 4) and I’m really not a fan of Katy Perry at all.  In fact I highly recommend NOT owning a single MP3, CD or whatever. But because Katy is a really talented singer who gets a lot of air time on the radio  and I work with teenagers (and I can imagine my daughter being a teenager one day), I thought I would provide a little dad like perspective.

Here are five things I’d tell my daughter after hearing “Teenage Dream” on the radio…

1. You are beautiful just the way you are and I hope you find a man who accepts you for you… “without your make up on.”

You need to know that you are beautiful.  Anybody can see that you don’t really need make-up… but I can understand you wearing it to make the other girls feel more confident about themselves.  You are beautiful not only in appearance but in ways that really matter beyond how you fix your hair.

By the way there is nothing wrong with being beautiful.  Your mom is the most beautiful woman I know. But just like your mom, your beauty goes beyond your appearance.  Your real beauty shines when you are selfless and giving to others (I Timothy 2:9-10, I Peter 3:4).

Something you should know about guys your age is that some of them can talk a good game. Sometimes guys will say something like “your beautiful,” but they don’t always mean beautiful like a flower (that should be protected and put on display)… they mean beautiful like a good cut of meat (that should be cooked and eaten).  My prayer is that God brings you a man who will appreciate your true beauty.

2. Sex is good and you will want to “go all the way.”  But just because he seems like the right guy now, doesn’t mean that he is the right guy or that it is the right time.  Wait for marriage.

God made men and women sexual beings. Adam said of Eve (before the fall), “A man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Being a woman is part of who you are and as a young woman it is only natural that you would have sexual desires. The key is not to ignore this fact, but to manage these new desires in a way that glorifies God. As a young woman who most likely won’t be married for several more years it is important to guard your purity and have control of your body.

Many guys are living life in transition and are mistaken in their feelings or they carry sinister motives and are trying to manipulate you. A young man worth your time will guard his words and will not lead you on.  The woman pursued by Solomon in Song of Songs offers some wise advice here.  She says, “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases” (Song of Songs 2:7).  Real love is patient and is evident in a young man’s actions long before it appears in his words.

3. Sex is not love.  Inside of marriage it is an expression of love, but outside of marriage its an expression of impatience.

Adam speaks so gently about Eve his wife when he meets here for the first time. The first poem we have recorded is when Adam speaks to Eve and says, “She is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman because she was taken out of Man” (Genesis 2:23).
Marriage is the right place to enjoy the pleasures of sex to the glory of God and without shame. Sex in marriage can fuel intimacy, but sex outside of marriage will fuel frustration.  At this point, after Adam says man shall leave his parents house for his “wife,” the Bible records, “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:25).

4. Every Sexual sin is a sin against your body and you will carry scars for you your whole life.

Paul writes in the New Testament to, “Flee Sexual Immorality. Every other sin a person commits outside the body, but the sexual immoral person sins against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18). We can do lots of things that will damage our body, but nothing is as personal as sex. When we engage in sexual acts outside of marriage they have a way of robbing us. Even if they are asexual acts (sexual acts that don’t involve physical contact with another person like viewing pornography, masturbation, etc…). We are to flee from even the temptation of these things. Sex was created as a means of intimacy inside of marriage, outside of marriage it tends to destroy. What was fun for a season causes people to become bitter, calloused, and hurt.

5. If you have ever crossed lines sexually (by or against your own will) please know that I love you and you can always come home.

When you were little I used to protect you from things that would hurt you.  Sometimes I even had to make you angry in order to protect you from things you thought you could handle.  Like when you 3 and  wanted to use the meat cleaver to cut vegetables… You totally thought I didn’t get you or appreciate that you were just wanting to help.  I knew you had the best of intentions, but I also knew that you were not ready… yet.

I knew that there would come a day when you would be fully able to chop vegetables on your own.  My long term goal wasn’t to keep you from chopping vegetables, but to prepare you for it. If you had defied me and chosen to cut vegetables with a sharp knife you most likely would have cut yourself.  If you had cut yourself I would have run to your rescue, held you tight in my arms and done my best to stop the damage.

In many ways as your dad I have set out to protect you.  I have given you really unpopular rules not to keep you from an awesome relationship with a guy, but to prepare you for one.  If you find that you have stepped beyond the rules or were forced beyond, and find yourself hurt… please know that as your dad my response will be to run to your rescue, hold you tight in my arms and to do my best to stop the damage.

This isn’t a get out of jail free card or an excuse to try somethings out.  This is an honest plea from your dad to know that this conversation is not about sex, its about you.  Katy Perry has an awesome voice, but the lyrics of her songs promise more than they can afford.  When it comes to relationship advice, please listen to the old man who taught you how to read, tie your shoes, took you out for pancakes every Friday of your life and is still married to your mother… not Katy Perry.

Dads, Daughters and Date Days

On By pastorjonathanIn About Jonathan, dating, Family, Manhood, parenting, WomanhoodLeave a comment

Right around 5-years ago I became a dad.  The nurse handed me this precious little baby girl and I knew that it would all be different from that day forward.  My life had changed and all the sudden I felt the pressure to not to drop the ball.

Now She is almost 5-years-old and smarter than I ever imagined a 5-year-old being.  She knows me well.  To be honest, sometimes its uncomfortable.  She doesn’t come with a filter.  In fact that’s what a lot of parenting is… introducing a filter.

Just being gut level honest… It’s not easy to introduce a filter and help your kids process life.  Most of the time the easy thing to do is to go cut the grass (because its over due and you wonder what your neighbors are thinking about your un-kept yard), or read a book (because you need some quiet time after they have tugged on our arm and said, “Dad” a million times in a row just to get you to look at their newest drawing and act like its the best thing since Michael Angelo), or Watch TV while your kid takes an hour long bath and shrivels up like a prune (because you’ve had a long day dealing with other peoples problems… not to mention your own).  Its actually quite easy to just show up, give out a hug, maybe play a token game or two with your kid, talk to your wife, go to bed and do it all over again tomorrow without ever really parenting.

To be completely honest.  I don’t always succeed at taking advantage of all the “dad” moments that I could.  But I know I need to.  I know that I love my kids (no matter how many times they say “dad” in a row while I’m trying to figure out the algebra problems I’ve created  in the check book). I know that they need me.  I know that I don’t want to wake up 20 years from now living with regrets on how I wasted these formable years because someone else said, “that’s normal” or “that really never messed up my kid.” (After all they aren’t accountable for how I raise my kids).

So we have set some things in place in my family in order to capitalize on these younger years with my daughter.  I tuck her in bed most nights and read 1 or 2 stories to her from her Jesus Story Book Bible .  We also pray together.

On some Sunday afternoons we are more intentional.  We have this 105 picture set of pictures describing events in the Bible.  She picks out several pictures and I walk her through the story and how it relates to Jesus and obedience to God.  She looks forward to our time on Sundays and its often in this context that we process how the stories tell us about who God is and how we can relate to Him through our decisions.

My favorite part of the week is taking her out for breakfast once a week before school, we call it a Father-Daughter date.  The regular scheduled time gives me a solid hour of quality time with her.  We do everything from eating pancakes, talking about our her week, sharing ideas on how to color a picture, reading books, to picking up a small gift or surprise for my wife and her mom.  Its often in the context of this date that I get opportunities to share about Jesus with folks we meet there.

Its the date days that I really think my daughter gets to see the fullest picture of her dad.  There is no topic off limits and she often brings up some great questions.  We process life together and I intentionally help unmask the world around her through the lens of scripture. Sometimes we talk to people, sometimes we pray with people, and sometimes we just enjoy pancakes and a good story.

You see, here is what I know.  My daughter reads my actions better than my intentions. So it makes sense that I would be intentional about my actions.  I say that church is a family event, yet when we get there I am pulled a million different places (as I should be) because I’m on staff at the church.  So we arrive together and leave together on purpose (even though it would be more convenient not to).  I say I love her, so I am intentional about spending quality and quantity one-on-one time despite having a hectic and busy schedule.  I say I love Jesus, so I intentionally help her process her world through the lens of scripture.

I want her to know me.  I want her to know that I love her.  I want her to know that I am proud of her.  I want her to know that as a father I will do what is best for her.  Its really not about my good intentions, its about intentionally being a dad. I hope one day she looks back on her childhood and treasures the times we talked over pancakes as much as I do.

What about you?  What are some of the things that you are intentional about with your children?

 

The Jesus Storybook Bible (Review)

On By pastorjonathanIn Devotional, Family, parentingLeave a comment

I really like the Jesus Storybook Bible Deluxe Edition.  I’ve been reading it to my4 year old daughter on a pretty regular basis.  Most storybook bibles we have come across grossly leave out important details, this one however, remains truer to the text than any I have ever seen while at the same time driving home the story of Jesus from Genesis to Revelation.  This storybook Bible presents a clear and accurate Biblical theology on a child’s level.

Since our children are younger we’ve started using it for family devotions in the evening before bath and bed.  My daughter loves it and begs for me to read the next story.  We have the deluxe edition which comes with CD’s of David Suchet reading the stories (like in the video’s below).  If you have kids or grand-kids I would highly recommend getting your hands on a copy of the Jesus Storybook Bible.  The retail price is $25, but I got mine from amazon.com for $16.49.  I gave it 5 Stars.

Zondervan has put out a few video’s where you can get a glimpse of how the stories read.  I have included them below for your viewing pleasure.

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Wandering in the Dessert (Review)

On By pastorjonathanIn discipleship, Family, parentingLeave a comment

Wanderin’ in the Desert (3rd Disc from What’s in the Bible with Buck Denver) is a fascinating yet educating program.  I watched it with my four year old daughter and we talked about the program.  I was really impressed with the material on two levels.  On one level I was impressed with how much content was packed into the two 30 minute shows.  It is clear that the creators were intent on presenting a conservative view of scripture (for which I am deeply appreciative).  They also took great care to answer relevant questions on kid friendly level. On a second level , I was impressed with how the writers took care to draw the information to a simple point of real application.  Not only was there information about the reliability of scripture, but there was a subtle yet evident plea to trust the God of the Scripture.

My daughter, though she was able to retain a lot of information from the program, was impressed on a different level.  The program was fast paced enough to keep her attention all the way through.  She really enjoyed the songs making me play them over and over for her.  After the program I asked her several questions and she responded pretty well.

Overall I was highly impressed with the 3rd disc as I have been with the whole series to date.  The only draw back was that in between segments it shows a little boy (puppet) talking a little disrespectfully to his mother who is silent and off camera.  I discussed this with my daughter as an example of behavior that I expect her not to emulate. Beyond that the whole production is pretty amazing.  I would highly recommend it to parents and grandparents to watch and review with their children.  I can see it being a great resource for bible lessons!  I give it four stars.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a DVD of this program free from Tyndale House Publishers as part of their Tyndale Blog Network. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Teaching Our Kids to Take Risk

On By pastorjonathanIn Family, Just Thinking, parentingLeave a comment

There are 2 kinds of danger when it comes to being a dad.  There is the danger that fills our world and we must make provision to protect our children.  We protect and provide for our kids by plugging up electrical sockets with those clear plastic things and placing cleaning chemicals beyond reach.  We train our children to hold our hand, to be suspicious of strangers and to stay away from stray neighborhood pets that “might” secretly hate children.  We scare away the nightmares and wipe away the tears.  We teach our kids to wash their hands.  We tell them if they are lost to find a police officer or a woman (women are slightly less likely to be child predators than men… I know its profiling and I really don’t care when it comes to the safety of my child).  We teach them to be safe.

Then there is the other kind of danger.  Its the danger of being too safe.  Its the danger of teaching our kids to  stay close to home and not take risk.  There will be times when my children will need to take risks. I’m failing as a dad if I do not push my kids out of the nest at some point and say, “You have to ride the bike with out the training wheels.”  Other wise I end up with a 30 year-old kid stuck living at my house who cries at the injustice of running out of cheerios for breakfast.

The reality is that most things worth doing in life involve taking calculated risk and being dangerous.  To ask my wife out on our first date I had to risk rejection.  To keep a few people with me safe from harm I had to risk my life or bodily injury (thankfully I won the gamble on that one).  To share the gospel with people in one of our inner cities I had to risk exposure to an area with a high crime rate (I grew up in rural America).  To follow God’s call on my life I had to risk selling our house in a down market and move an hour away to another city.

Sometimes risk is good.  Sometimes we fall on our faces even after taking well thought through and calculated risk.  I guess the line  between risk and safety comes when “right” or “reward” enters the equasion.  I asked my wife out because of the possible reward of finding a wonderful marriage partner (by the way I am glad I did). I stood between a man recently released from jail and two young ladies he was threatening because it was the right thing to do.  I would rather my kids do the right thing than the safe thing, I would rather them risk in pursuit of worthy goals than never have them attempt anything worthwhile.

Perhaps the hardest part of parenthood is giving our kids the right to fail and the freedom to take risk.

How do you teach your kids to interact with a dangerous world?

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Communicating with Children:4 Tips for Hearing What Your Kids Have to Say

On By pastorjonathanIn Family, parentingLeave a comment

Last week I posted that I needed your help on a project and promised that this week I would share more of my notes.  I was leading a short small group session on communicating with children and many of you weighed in with great comments and encouragement.

4 tips for Hearing what your kids have to say


1. Hugs & High fives or other forms affirmation

Physically affirming and appropriate touch is very important to express that you are a safe and will listen.  Some children crave this kind of attention more than others and really receive love well through simple things like hugs, high fives, fist pounds, etc.  This often works better at some ages than others as well.

I hug my daughter (4 year old) before and after every round of discipline and am always available for a hug.  I want her to know that even though she has been disobedient that she has not removed herself from my love. (the other side of this is that she needs to know she is being disciplined for being disobedient.  Being emotionally unavailable is not a good form of punishment… ie your children shouldn’t fear getting yelled at or pushed away because you are angry.  But that’s a whole nother blog post.)

On the days that I get home before bed time I try and spend 30 minutes to an hour holding each one of my children.  With my daughter (4 years old), she shares about here day and I share about mine and I read her a few books.  With my son (4 months old) I feed him and hold him up smiling at him and tell him what he is doing (teaching him to communicate).

2. Eye contact & other physical cues to let them know you are listening

Put away distractions and look your child in the eye when they are talking.  This may involve getting down on their level or picking them up to yours.  This may also involve turning off the T.V., turning away from the computer and putting the phone down.  Let your child know that they have your best attention when they speak.

Due to the nature of my job this is a little difficult to do.  I answer the phone when people are in crisis and stay up long hours writing paper for my graduate classes or sermon notes.  When I know I am busy I give my daughter 3 “tickets” that are anytime tickets for her to come see me.  She can interrupt what I’m doing for any reason, but she needs a ticket.  She usually burns the first two in a matter of minutes, but holds the last one until I’m through with my phone call or take a break from writing.

I also take her to McDonalds once a week for breakfast.  She looks forward to this “date” all week long.  I put away my phone and talk with her all morning about the stuff that is important in her life.  If all else fails she has at least one hour of uninterrupted special “daddy time” each week where she has my undivided attention.

My Son (again 4 months)  is a little less understanding, but I try and spend intentional time with him letting him explore my face with his hands and watching my mouth move as I talk.  He needs to know he has my undivided attention.

3. Ask good questions

One great way to show that you are listening and value what your child is saying is to ask good questions.  When your child is old enough to make choices about particular things ask them why they made that choice.  We just signed my daughter up for dance a month ago and so she will be telling me dance… so I’ll ask her, “what was your favorite part about dance?” Notice that this isn’t a “yes,” “no,” “good,” or “bad” question.  I didn’t ask, “so how was dance today?”  I intentionally asked an open ended question designed to get her to share more about world.

4. Rephrase to make sure you know what they are saying.

Rephrasing helps your child to know you understand what they are saying.  For example my daughter may say, “I have two dance teachers mrs. ___________ and _____________.”  I will say back to her, “wow, so you have two dance teachers not just ______________, Mrs. _______________ is in there too?” In fact in my house if I don’t rephrase for my daughter she will carry on the conversation by rephrasing for me until she feels I have sufficiently gotten the message.

It can also be great to have your child tell you what you just told them.  You might be surprised how many times they say, “yes, ma’am” or “sir” and they don’t know what you are talking about because you have used a word that is not their vocabulary.  Often times when I do this with Rebekah I have her repeat the new word to me and I explain it to her until she can explain it to me.