Category: discipleship

5 Things I Would Tell My Teenage Friends Who Are Dealing With Divorce

On By pastorjonathanIn discipleship, FamilyLeave a comment

I have been working with teenagers ever since I was one.  Though I am aging out I still get to hang out with teenagers on a pretty consistent basis and on occasion I get asked for advice. Sometimes the advice flows out of my experience, sometimes it flows out of maturity (just being able to look back from around the bend with a clear perspective), but most often the advice I like to give comes from the Bible because I have found it to be a reliable and authoritative guide to knowing God and figuring life out.

However, before I dig into what I would say to my teenage friends who are dealing with their parents’ divorce I want to say this: My goal is to help you in your situation.  To that end I won’t be writing about what all the Bible says about divorce.  Rather, I’ll be writing mostly about what the Bible says about you or about parents.

Here is what I would say to my teenage friends who are dealing with their parents’ divorce.

1. You Are Not Alone. Sometimes you may feel like you don’t have anyone to turn to or that anyone gets what you are going through.  I want to encourage you that even in our darkest hour that God is still with us.  Turn to Him, even when you do not know what to say and he will hear the cry of your heart.  Check out Romans 8:35-39.

2. Your Parents Are Still Your Parents. You may see one more than the other, but both are still your parents and you need to honor them both.  Refuse to choose sides and engage in gossip or negative talk.  This means that when you are with your mom, you do not need to gossip about your dad or when you are with your dad you do not need to talk bad about your mom. Check out Exodus 20:12 and Ephesians 4:29.

3. Pray for Your Parents Every Day. God can create human life and change the hearts of kings, He is most certainly able to change the hearts of your parents.  However, your parents may never change how they interact with one another.  Pray everyday for God to comfort you and to give you wisdom in how to interact with your parents.  Check out 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.

4. Forgive Your Parents. You may be holding on to a grudge against your mom or dad or both.  Forgiveness can be tough, but it is necessary.  Forgiving your parents if you hold a grudge allows you to process what has happened and begin to move on with your life.  If you are a believer, then remember how God in Christ forgave you.  While a divorce is certainly a big deal and issues may be compounded by the way one or both of your parents are treating you, you need to start down the path of forgiveness. Check out Matthew 18:21-35.

5. Lean on friends that you can trust. It will be helpful for you to talk about how you feel about your parent’s divorce.  You may need to find a trusted adult or counselor that you can talk to on a regular basis and will encourage you and help you process everything that is going on.  Check out Proverbs 18:24, Proverbs 19:4, and Proverbs 27:9.

To those of you I know Personally: I don’t know what having divorced parents feels like, but I know that things will be different for you and I want to be here for you as a friend while you go through this. My parents were never divorced and so I can’t pretend to know what you are going through.  Though I don’t know how you hurt, I know that you hurt and so I’m here for you.

You may also want to check out what Christian recording artist Britt Nicole has to say about dealing with divorce (her parents are divorced). I linked to an interview with her on this topic that I found on the Lifeway Girls Ministry blog here:  Britt Nicole on Divorce

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Letters to Young Men: Let the Word be Your Authority

On By pastorjonathanIn discipleshipLeave a comment

Dear Friend,

I hope this letter finds you doing well and continuing to grow in wisdom and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  I have written you before and challenged you Treasure God’s Word.  I am confident that you won’t find this letter much different, yet I still find it necessary.

When I was a younger man at the age of seventeen my father challenged me with the advice that I now share with you.  Let God’s word be the final authority in your life.  When discussing issues, debating doctrine or discerning how you will behave, know there is no more important guide than the Bible. The Apostle Paul writes about this when he addresses Timothy:

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.

(2Timothy 3:16-17, ESV)

You cannot and should not form doctrinal stances and practices based solely on the opinions of others men. You must first and foremost regard the Scripture as authoritative.  The words of your father, your mentor, and even your friends do not carry the same weight as the Scriptures.

Here is what you should know.  People can be wrong.  Sometimes, we cloud our judgment with self-love or hatred of others.  We dull sharp edges of the Word and sharpen dull edges to suit our needs. Often not by design, but perhaps by preference.  We embrace what is comfortable.  We accept what is tradition.

I’m not asking you to doubt everything.  Descart started us down a path that in the end only reveals that the human mind is significantly able to doubt everything.  Instead I am asking you to test the genuineness of your doctrinal positions and motivations by the Scripture.  Be correctable, but let it be the Word that corrects, not merely the opinions of another man.

I am confident of this, that those who judge the Word and hold themselves above it, will in the end be judged by the Word and found to be false.  Those who come humbly to search the Word will in turn find that their own hearts have been searched by the Word of God.  Let the Word be you authority.

 

Your Friend,

Pastor Jonathan

Letters to Young Men: Integrity in your Relationships

On By pastorjonathanIn discipleship, Manhood2 Comments

Dear Friend,

I hope this letter finds you doing well and growing in your relationship with God.  Last time we spoke, we talked about being in the word of God.  I want to encourage you to keep up your commitment to reading the scripture.  Along those lines please read the scripture passage I have enclosed.  This week I want to share with you what the Bible says about being the husband of one wife and how to best prepare yourself to lead in your marriage one day.

This is why I left you in Crete, so that you might put what remained into order, and appoint elders in every town as I directed you– if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. (Titus 1:5-8)

I know that this passage deals primarily with appointing pastors and elders, but think with me for a moment.  Do we expect more of our pastors than we do of our people?  Is it right for a believer who is not the pastor to be sleeping around, getting drunk, quick tempered, rearing children that hate God, greedy, and undisciplined? No!  We expect Christians to act like Christians and we expect our pastors to model the Christian life. (As a pastor I pray that you have seen Christ modeled in my life along the way.)  So while this passage is about pastors… It also out a picture of what a mature Christian man looks like.  That being said, you are to aspire to be a mature man in Christ.

So now what about that “husband of one wife” phrase?  How doe that apply to you as an unmarried man?

The idea being communicated in the text is that of “a one-woman man.”  How does a single man make sure that he is a one woman man? … You guard yourself from craving of soliciting the attention of a plurality of women. In short, if you like a young woman, tell her.  It doesn’t have to be awkward, but it is important to define the relationship sooner rather than later.  If you don’t, you may end up leading someone on. If you aren’t interested in marrying a young woman, don’t flirt with her.  If you think that she likes you and you don’t like her, remind her (and act towards her) that you are just friends.

I remember early late in college around the age of 21, I found myself newly single and eager to share my insights on life with anyone of the female persuasion who would listen.  Little did I know that I was leading people on more than I had planned. All the girls I had been “flirting” with told the one girl I really liked that I flirted with everyone and I got dumped before the relationship ever began. In the long run it ended up working out well for me in that I sobered up to how I was leading some young women on, learned more about biblical manhood and womanhood and  was careful to define relationships.  I hope to spare you some bumps and bruises along the way by weighing this scripture and my advice.

Are you living like a one woman man?  Are you leading anyone on?  Remember sometimes women can put more stock in a friendship than we do. Is there a relationship that you need to define?

The wait is worth the reward.  Have I shared with you before about how I courted my wife? It’s a good story.  You should look it up if you are interested.

Your Friend,

Pastor Jonathan

A Great Introduction to Fasting

On By pastorjonathanIn discipleship, PrayerLeave a comment

Last night I was greatly blessed to read the book Fasting: The Ancient Practices (Ancient Practices Series) by Scot McKnight.  McKnight does a fantastic job of leading the reader to understand the Biblical discipline of fasting (a discipline that has largely been ignored or forgotten in many modern evangelical circles).  The book is well organized, well thought out and includes a few chapters of practical nature to help those who are interested in picking up the discipline of fasting for the first time.

Admittedly McKnight is an academic. However his writing style is clear, concise and reader friendly.  I really enjoyed the book because the author covers the topic well.  He draws a clear and simple definition around Biblical fasting and then proceeds to share his research on how various traditions have esteemed fasting.

McKnight makes a strong case that fasting is a response to a sacred moment.  Tragically today many picture fasting as a currency get what you want.  While God’s blessings may come after fasting, His blessings are always gifts of His grace.  In essence we are to fast in response to sacred moment (like realizing injustice, personal sin,  national sin, sickness of a loved one, death of a loved one, etc).  Fasting is primarily responsive, not causal.

I wish this book had been around when I first began to experiment with fasting in my late teens and early twenties.  Another great resource on fasting is John Piper’s book A Hunger for God: Desiring God through Fasting and Prayer.

I  highly recommend Fasting: The Ancient Practices (Ancient Practices Series) to anyone interested in learning about fasting.  The retail price is $12.99 (paperback), and is available around the web in places like Amazon.com for $11.04.  I gave it four stars.

 

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson as part of the BookSneeze program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Partnering to Remember!

On By pastorjonathanIn discipleship1 Comment

A few years ago an old college friend of mine dared me (and several others) through his blog to memorize the book of Ephesians.  Ok…. actually he didn’t dare us, but he did offer a plan.  I had wanted to memorize scripture on a consistent basis before but found myself with such a variety of options that I had no clear starting point.  I had tried memorizing scripture before by purchased topical memory systems (most recently, including a really cool app on my phone) but the verses seemed to be ones I already knew.  I seemed a little too old to attend Awana, so I resigned myself to ‘accidentally’ memorizing the Bible passages I was preaching through and thought that would be good enough.  The problem is, it wasn’t.   I was logging scripture into my short term memory, but a few weeks later I was unable to recall the passage, other than a paraphrastic sort of way.

Then it happened.  Tim posted on his blog about memorizing the book of Ephesians. At first glance it seemed an audacious and insurmountable goal.  Then, he laid out the plan and the plan made sense. I along with several others took up the challenge and was blessed.  At first it seemed like an impossible goal, but once I got started and stuck with it, it became easier.

Beyond size of the project are the benefits.  When you memorize a book or passage, you are placing God’s word in a place that it can’t be taken away from you.  You will find yourself in situations and circumstances where it is improbable to open a book, but very appropriate to quote and apply the soothing balm of God’s word.  I can think of no better way to get an accurate handle on scripture than commit whole portions to memory to be quoted and recalled often.

That’s why I was excited to learn that Tim has set up a plan to memorize the Philippians by Easter! I down loaded the free PDF and am headed over to the book store later today to pick up my notebook and double sided tape. I’m looking forward to this journey through Philippians and I want to invite you to join me and thousands of others in memorizing this precious portion of scripture. You can find everything you need over at TimmyBrister.com the name of the project is Partnering to Remember.

A Must Read for Christian Parents

On By pastorjonathanIn books, discipleship, Family, parentingLeave a comment

Rock-Solid KIDS by Larry Fowler is a must read for Christian parents, Children ministry directors, Pastors and even youth pastors.  The book outlines a Biblical premise for ministry to children starting in the home and supplemented by the church.  The book is full of biblical wisdom and key insights.

The author didn’t share anything new or unfamiliar to me as a father, but did reaffirm several things my wife and I have sought to do as parents. That being said, I do highly recommend this book for three reasons:  It is brief, It is well written, and It contains the best chapter on sharing the gospel with children that I have ever read.

The book is only 142 pages, yet it packs punch.  You won’t find any wasted words or long diatribes.  Author Larry Fowler has done an outstanding job of  keeping the message simple and straightforward. The 8th chapter on sharing the gospel with children is one of the clearest and most straightforward I have ever read.  The 8th chapter alone is worth the market price of the book.  As a parent I’m grateful to our Minister to children for putting it in my hands.

I  highly recommend Rock-Solid KIDS to anyone who has influence in the lives of kids.  I can see it being especially helpful and encouraging for parents and ministers to children. The retail price is $17.99 (hardcover), and is available around the web in places like Amazon.com for $14.03.  I gave it five stars.

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Bible Recommendations (the Bibles that I read, like or use.)

On By pastorjonathanIn books, discipleship1 Comment

I’m often asked, “what Bible do you recommend?”  While on the surface this seems like a simple and straightforward question, it really requires some thought and reflection on who the Bible is for… so with that in mind, here are some of the best Bible’s that I have come across and who I would recommend them for.

For the ultra Bible nerd like myself…English Standard Version (Black Calfskin, Journaling Bible). The picture above is what mine looked like before all the yellow visitor passes got stuck to it.  It retails for about $75, but Amazon has it for less than $50.

The Jesus Story Book Bible is by far the best Children’s Storybook Bible that I have ever seen!  Sally Lloyd-Jones does an excellent job of staying faithful to the narrative while pointing children to the central message of the Bible.  You can read my review and see some videos of the Bible here.  It retails for around $25, but you can get it on Amazon for less than $17.

Baby’s Hug-a-Bible is by far one of the better resources I have seen on the market for younger children. It has a soft wool-like cover and firm, sturdy pages that are ready for the rugged wear that a toddler can put on book.  This is the Bible that we picked out for our 1-year-old this year.  It normally retails for around $15, but Amazon has been running it on sale for just over $10.

Girls Life Application Study Bible NLT is by far one the best Bibles I have seen for pre-teen to early teen girls.  You can read my whole review here. It normally retails for around $30, but Amazon has been running it on sale for less than $20.

 

Word of Promise Next Generation – New Testament: Dramatized Audio Bible on USB Bracelet is one of my favorite audio Bibles to listen to.  It is geared for teenagers.  I like the adaptability of a USB Bracelet for carrying your Bible around. (amazing the things we can do with technology.)  I’ve also uploaded mine to my Iphone and have the scriptures intermingled with songs on my playlist.  It retails for around $40, but Amazon has it for just over $30.

Of course I also like the free “Bible.is App”  from faithcomesbyhearing.com.  It’s a free ESV audio Bible for your Iphone.

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Christmas vs. Consumerism

On By pastorjonathanIn Devotional, discipleship, FamilyLeave a comment

Is it me or is there something seriously wrong when a company makes over 50% of its profits in the 3rd quarter?  Are we really that consumer driven as a society?  Is that what Christmas really means to America?  Spend your cash or take out credit and “help” the economy? 

Is that really what we have made it? Are we really that worried that aunt sally won’t like us if we don’t buy her a toaster?  Our kids won’t have anything to brag about if we don’t buy them the latest video game accessories for Christmas?

I know families who go into debt every year to “buy Christmas” and spend the entirety of the next year paying it off.  Others are a little better at planning and so they set up a Christmas club account.  Threaten not to buy presents this year and in some families you will be disowned (or at least it will feel like it). Because Christmas is all about the gifts, right? I mean it wouldn’t be Christmas without the gifts, would it?

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not against gifts.  I’m against Idols.  If Christmas isn’t “Christmas” without the gifts, then you are worshiping the wrong person come December 25th.  It might be your aunt sally who will threaten to disown you and collapsin a pile of tears if you don’t get her anything.  It might be the imaginary judgments made by your kids friends and parents when they hear that you didn’t get little johnny or Suzie everything on their little Christmas list.  It might be the reporter who shares that sales were still down this year.  It might be the little voice inside your head that tells you that people won’t like you if you don’t give them gifts.

You might say, “I give gifts to honor Jesus.” That’s right, we do celebrate the birth of Jesus at Christmas. Jesus who stepped out of heaven, came to earth and was born practically homeless and in the care of teenagers. Jesus who humbled Himself and gave Himself as a sacrifice for our sins.  We owed a debt we couldn’t pay and He payed a debt He didn’t owe.  Jesus. 

If we would truly honor Him, then lets give as He gave.  Give to those who cannot repay you.  And don’t just give them the left-overs, give them the lion share.  Fill the shoebox for your kid and give the rest away to those who have no way of paying you back.  I think the folks at Adventconspiracy.org are on to something.  Check out the video below.

For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. – Matthew 5:46-48

Check out “Real-life Discipleship” by Jim Putman (this guy gets it)

On By pastorjonathanIn books, discipleship2 Comments

Real-Life Discipleship: Building Churches That Make Disciples by Jim Putman is a must read for anyone serious about discipleship!  It is packed with Biblical, simple, and time-tested  strategy on how to help people grow in Christ. I really appreciated Jim’s pastoral style of writing that bleeds through on every page.  While handling the truth of God’s word, Jim is sure to pull readers into the story of redemption and call them to take up the mantle of discipleship. After reading hundreds of books I have come to learn that not all books are equal.  If you had to read only one book on discipleship (besides the Bible), this is the book. I was blessed, encouraged and even rebuked in areas of my own life while reading this book.

I was first turned on to this resource after reading Avery Willis and Mark Snowden’s book Truth that Sticks (another book well worth a read).  After reading that book I commented that more books would be needed, this is one of those books!  I am excited an encouraged all at once about the series of books that are coming out of NavPress on the topics of discipleship.

Real-life Discipleship is a clarion call back to a biblical model of discipleship.  I highly recommend it to anyone interested in developing a biblical model of discipleship in their church.  The retail price is $17.99 (Hardcover), and is available at a discount at  Amazon.com for $12.23. I gave it FIVE stars

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from NavPress as part of their Blogger Review Program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Discipleship 101: Be Teachable

On By pastorjonathanIn discipleship, leadership, ManhoodLeave a comment

So through the years God has blessed me to be able to be in a mentor/ coach/ lead/ disciple/ pastor or whatever the next buzz-word will be, several men.  For the first several years I didn’t recognize much of what was happening other than the guys who were hanging around me began asking great questions and I was able to teach from where I had been and what I knew to be true from God’s word.  These days I’m a little more intentional and I move forward with a larger game plan to develop and strengthen the gifts and talents that these men posses in the Lord.

Regi Campbell shares in his book Mentor Like Jesus that he generally picks the guys that he is going to mentor.  I tend to agree Regi’s line of thinking on this.  The disciple maker should choose the disciples.  For the longest time I didn’t know why I held this as a default position other than the fact that through the years I’ve rejected some folks who wanted my input and sought out others to influence.  Then it dawned on me… The guys I picked tended to have one quality in common… They were teachable.

Be Teachable

I learned a long time ago that not everyone who came to me for discipleship really wanted to grow.  Sometimes people sought me out for opportunity or endorsement; they didn’t always want to learn what I might have to teach.  As a pastor I know that my greatest work for the moment with these type people will not be actual discipleship, but in bringing them to a place of being teachable (which usually involves allowing them to fail repeatedly until they come to a place of frustration and through their frustration they overcome their pride enough to ask for help).

When Jesus called the first few disciples he said, “Follow me and I will make you fishers of men.”  The key to becoming fishers of men was to follow Jesus in such a way that he could transform them.  In essence they had to be teachable.  If you were to ask me to teach you how to fold a paper airplane and I were to repeatedly demonstrate very basic folding patterns while talking about how airflow over a certain shape were to create lift, I would expect you to follow at least the very basic folding patterns even if all the talk about airflow went in one ear and out the other.  However, if you were unwilling even to follow my basic folding patterns and try to attempt your own very flawed designs with no regard to how airflow creates lift I would call you unteachable.  My best hope at that point would be to move on and teach those who are teachable and hope that after 1000’s of failed attempts to make your plane fly that you would come back for some help with at least the basic folds.

But what if you were teachable?  What if you came to me and I taught you paper folds while talking airflow and while at first you didn’t understand airflow you did understand the folds?  Then you tried some modifications to my design and some worked and some didn’t.  What if then as we talked through why some of your modifications failed and succeeded you all of the sudden grasp what I was saying about airflow and this information fuels modifications and changes that work?  Then I would say that you are teachable and soon you will be able to teach others.

So it is with discipleship.  The first thing you must do is be teachable.  If you are not teachable, all bets are off.  I can’t make you into anything.  I can’t help you succeed.  Your own pride will hang you before we ever get started.  You must be willing to listen.  You must be willing to learn.  You must be willing to attempt under supervision.  You must be willing to discuss failure as well as success.  You must be teachable.  To not be teachable is to not be transformed.

The truth is that to really be a disciple, you must be teachable.  Are you teachable?

Even as a leader I strive in my own life to fight pride and to be teachable.

 

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”