In the evening He came with the twelve. 18 Now as they sat and ate, Jesus said, “Assuredly, I say to you, one of you who eats with Me will betray Me.” 19 And they began to be sorrowful, and to say to Him one by one, “[Is] it I?” And another [said], “[Is] it I?” 20 He answered and said to them, “[It is] one of the twelve, who dips with Me in the dish. 21 “The Son of Man indeed goes just as it is written of Him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been good for that man if he had never been born.”

– Mark 14:17-21 (NKJV)

It seems like a million years ago that cassette tapes were being replaced by CDs and our youth group had a brand new CD Player. The cool things about CD’s is that you didn’t have to rewind them. You could punch in a number and that song/ track would play. It was great, until someone stole the youth group CD player. There was plenty of blame to go around. Our youth group just about fell apart because everyone suspected everyone else of having stolen it. We never did get to the bottom of it, but the truth is, we were all suspects because we were all sinners. Our pride wouldn’t let us admit that we at least had the capacity to steal, but we all did.

What amazes me is the disciples reaction to Jesus when he says that someone will betray him. They didn’t jump up and down and deny it and say “I’ll never betray you Jesus!” They each went to Jesus asking if it was them! They spent enough time in the presence of Jesus to know their own capacity for sin. Perhaps they had seen Peter fall flat on his face in front of the group so much that they knew better than to make any kind of definitive statements.

The disciples also grasped the seriousness of this moment. They were sorrowful. One of them would betray Jesus! and each thought themselves capable.

I wish our youth group had a different response when the CD player went missing. Instead of blaming one another, we should have examined our own lives and understood that we were all capable of such a sin. We still probably wouldn’t have found the CD player, but we would have still been united.

What a gracious response on part of the disciples. Instead of pridefully assuming blame on others, they individually come to Jesus with a simple prayer, “is it I?” as if to say, “Search my heart O’ God! I don’t want it to be me, but if it is me, please fix this part of me!”

Father, We love you and want to grow in knowledge of you and your word. We see a profound reaction of your disciples to the word about your betrayal. We cry with the Psalmist today, Search my heart O’ God and see if there is any wicked thing in me. We ask for clean hands and pure hearts. When hard things like betrayal happen, we ask for grace to walk through it all. Give us discernment as we apply your word to our lives. In Jesus Name, Amen.